People Who Aren’t Getting Lucky This Valentine’s Day
Candles, flowers, a romantic dinner, or lingerie—everyone has their method for swooning a lover on Valentine's Day.
But, not everyone is lucky in the love department. So if you don't have a significant other this Valentine's Day, don't be too hard on yourself. At least the heart chocolate goes on sale on February 15.
I'm Not That Desperate
The longer you read this "roommate wanted" ad, the worse it gets.
Owen isn't looking for a roommate, Owen is looking for a wife/slave. While we're on this topic, I don't think he had to write "single male" at the beginning of the ad either—it was already painfully obvious.
What Has Two Humps And Isn't Getting Lucky? It's Michael
Anyone who's ever used Tinder is also familiar with the fact that not everyone plays the long game of romancing someone—some people just come out firing on all horny cylinders.
Michael thought this plan would work. But sadly, he's not humping anyone anytime soon.
It's All Downhill From Here
When it comes to Valentine's Day, women love to be romanced. Chocolate, a romantic dinner, or a bouquet of flowers are all good options, but this is an example of what not to do.
Unlike many of the people here, Gianmarco has himself a girlfriend. But after reading this tweet, methinks it's not going to last very long.
The Throat GOAT
If you know football, you know Tom Brady is the "GOAT"—Greatest Of All Time. So when this wife told her husband that she's never won a trophy, he decided to bestow her with one.
Hopefully, the wife finds it as funny as he does.
A Surprise (And Not-So-Happy) Ending
There's a bit to unpack here. Not only is this guy oddly enthused by his match spending the day cleaning her house, but he's also hoping his dead grandpa will get him some pity sex.
So not only is he probably not getting a blowjob, but his grandpa is also dead—all in all, not a great day for this guy.
When You Let Your Husband Do The Shopping
This confused wife explains that she asked her husband to buy cheap plastic cups so they wouldn't have to worry about accidentally breaking their glass cups. This is what he came home with, and to answer your question, no, they don't have kids.
Because nothing puts people quite in the mood like colorful dinosaur mugs.
Don't Be A Hailey
It takes a lot of balls to work up the courage to ask someone out on a date. But regardless of whether or not you find them attractive, you probably shouldn't be this blunt about it.
The man later wrote, "Believe it or not I didn't go through with drinks." So while he's not getting lucky on Valentine's Day, he just dodged a Hailey-sized bullet.
No To OnlyFans
This man explains that he was supposed to go on a date with a woman he met on Tinder. The day they were going to plan a date, she ghosted him. Fast-forward six months and she reappears just to send him her OnlyFans account.
Oooo neither of them is getting lucky this Valentine's Day—it's a twofer!
When Every Night Is Wine Night
Why settle for only one wine night a week when as a grown-a** adult you can make that decision and do it every day?
So is this woman getting lucky anytime soon? Oh god no, but if the choices are between mediocre sex or enjoying a bottle of chardonnay by herself, the latter is probably the better choice.
Meet Sarah
Tinder bios can be a treasure trove of hilarity, fury, and confusion. But Sarah here has just gotten straight to the point with her bio.
She might not be the most attractive woman out there, nor does she have the best personality (her words, not mine), but she is at least brutally honest. Do men like that in a woman?
Houston, We Have A Problem
When using dating apps, there is a certain level of anonymity. But oh no, Kevin here did not heed that rule of not overstepping private boundaries.
Not only does this woman not have her full name or Instagram on her Bumble account, but he somehow found her personal email and sent her this. If he was trying to swoon her just in time for Valentine's Day, he crash and burned.
A Feline Faux Pas
"I think my girlfriend has officially replaced me with the cat in our relationship…" this boyfriend realized perhaps a bit too late.
Once your girlfriend becomes obsessed with a fluffy pet like a dog or cat, it's all over for you, bud. Better get used to sleeping on the floor.
Boy, That Escalated Quickly
You've probably heard of the game "F***, Marry, Kill" before. What started as an innocent game quickly backfired and this Tinder user's quest for love exploded on impact.
You know it's bad when their response isn't even one of the previously mentioned options.
Time For A Cat Fight
From height to weight to hair color, everyone has their preference for a romantic partner. But remember, if you're going to hurl an insult at someone, make sure you can also take it too.
Neither of these people is getting lucky this Valentine's Day, but perhaps it is us—the audience—who is luckiest because we get to witness this Tinder nightmare.
Not A Star Wars Fan, Eh?
This woman hypothesized that men are supposed to like it when the woman messages first, and so, that's exactly what she did (although we bet she wish she hadn't).
So whether Alex is just a giant dick or he's not a fan of Star Wars is unknown, but she is definitely going to be alone with her memes this February 14.
Fight Fire With Fire
While some people find love on Tinder, others find sparring partners. Tinder is where you whip out (not your dick) your best pickup lines, and in this guy's case, your barbed insults.
Was he immediately unmatched after this encounter? Definitely. But was it worth it? Absolutely.
When You Get Hit By A Craving
This woman is baffled as to why her fiancé took a large bite out of a block of butter, and she's waiting for him to wake up and explain himself.
It seems like she's put off by her fiancé's bizarre behavior, so in case she's not in the mood on Valentine's Day, at least he has this block of butter. After all, who doesn't love clogged arteries?
She Said Yes!
Any man knows the pressure that's involved with getting down on one knee and proposing to his girlfriend. You hope that she'll say yes, but that tiny voice in the back of your skull panics and wonders "What if?"
This person should at least look on the bright side—at least it can't get any worse.
It's (Not) Written In The Stars
When it comes to love, some people look to the stars/morning newspaper and let their horoscopes lead the way.
But these two people let astrology lead the way in two very different directions and they learned they weren't compatible. So yay I guess?
And Finally
You know the old saying, "If you want something done right, you've got to do it yourself"?
Remember, sometimes you as a person are your best company, and therefore it's okay to spend Valentine's Day alone—unless your vibrator dies.
