How To Be Thankful For Those Who Hurt Us So We Can Move On
You may be in no place right now to want to thank the person behind the reason why you've been crying yourself to sleep every night for a month, but hear us out. First of all, you wouldn't be doing it for them, but for you.
More importantly, no matter how horrible of a person they turned out to be, they played a part in your story and that will impact you in one way or another, depending on how you let it.
Think Of Who You Were Before Them
Don't think of the ways they damaged you but rather the ways that they pushed you and helped you grow. Or the lessons they taught you that have now made you into a stronger and better person.
This new you might be sad, but it's going to help you move on to bigger and better things.
Cherish The Good Memories
The good times might be tainted now but they once existed. They are the reason you agreed to date them and maybe even stayed with them for as long as you did.
Think of the new places they showed you, the new food you got to try, and remember them in that light so that you can let go of your resentment and move on.
Write Down The Red Flags
Maybe you missed the red flags, or maybe you chose to ignore them out of love or hope that they would change. Either way, now you know what to look for and can't afford to look past them again.
It could be helpful to write them down as a reminder that you can refer back to the next time you get caught up with a new boo.
Recognize Your Own Wrongdoings
Even if the reason you broke up was a result of their betrayal, it takes two to make a relationship work and odds are that you played your part in hurting it at some point.
Take this as an opportunity to self-reflect and assess the way that you act and react in relationships so that you know how to avoid that the next time.
Take Note Of Your Coping Mechanisms
There are plenty of online tests that can help you evaluate your attachment styles and love languages. Those tend to play a big role in how you cope, like if you always cry during arguments and get flustered expressing yourself to resolve them.
The more aware of it you are, the more control over it you'll have so that you can fight in a healthy way instead of scream at each other.
Think Of The Ways They Pushed You
Would you have moved in or taken that manager role if it wasn't for their encouragement or the motivation to make a life together?
Being in a relationship, even if it's with the wrong person, pushes you outside of your comfort zone and encourages new experiences.
Think Of The People They've Introduced You To
Some people, like exes, are meant to come in and out of your life for a reason. However, they also come with their own world, and circle of friends and family.
Just because your relationship with them ended doesn't mean you have to let go of that network that you wouldn't have otherwise got involved in. These people also have their roles to play in your life.
You Learned Lessons The Hard Way
They say that experience is life's greatest teacher. You might have been warned but the truth is you wouldn't have learned until you found out what it would feel like and learned the consequences.
It's just like learning that fire is hot by getting burned first.
You're Now Closer To Your Forever Person
They say that the average person falls in love in serious relationships three times over the course of their lives. Now you got another one out of the way and are even closer to finding the person who actually is right for you.
Plus you have a better idea of what you're looking for and how to make it last. So the next one could be the final one.
They Are A Part Of Your Identity
Whether you want to admit it or not, they left a mark. You might not realize the impact of it but it likely has a domino effect in even the smallest tasks like what groceries you get or how much garlic you put into your eggs. If you choose to hate, you might end up hating a part of yourself.
But if you thank them, then you can simply figure out how you want to integrate that part of you into the new single you.
They Cared About You In Their Own Way
In some way, your exes chose you out of all seven billion people in the world. Every single drop of love they gave you is worth something. Time is valuable and you chose to give a good chunk of it to each other.
Even if they didn't know how to care in the way that you needed, they must have wanted to if they chose to give you their time at one point.
You Discovered New Hobbies
One of the best parts of relationships is learning about your partner's hobbies that you wouldn't otherwise have ever thought to expose yourself to.
Who knew that you'd now be an avid fisher who knows everything from how to catch them to how to fry them?
You Set The Standard For Their Next
Even when they go to date someone else, they won't be able to help but compare them to you and your relationship because that's what they most recently know.
You might do the same with them, whether you're trying to hold your new partner up to the same standard they set, or surpass it.
You've Experienced Severe Pain
This seems like an ironic thing to be thankful for, but you can't recognize true happiness and gratitude without being able to compare it to feelings of pain.
Breakups can literally feel like your heart is breaking and take a long time to heal from, but they give you a whole new appreciation for life after.
It Teaches You How To Love Yourself
Once the reliance on someone else loving you is stripped away, you have no choice but to love and care for yourself. Often you learn that you weren't loved in the way that best serves you and you discover your true love language.
You finally find the time to practice all the self-care, hobbies, projects, and lifestyle that you've been putting off to accommodate someone else. It can be as small as the way you like to cook.
You've Stopped Making Excuses
It feels easier to go through life justifying toxic behavior and making excuses out of love or fear of starting over and being alone. Yet a breakup pushes you to have to face life for what it is.
Thank them because now you can thank yourself for being brave and walking away from what's comfortable and into a healthier and exciting future.
