Attorneys Share The Most Ridiculous Reasons People Have Filed For Divorce
Forget the prenup, actually forget about even getting married, because people will divorce over literally nothing. You know sunburns? Apparently, don't get them if you want a ring on your finger.
Divorce attorneys took to Reddit to dish on the strangest reasons their clients have pulled the exit cord on the marriage. We get that we all have our reasons for calling it quits, but some of these just feel like they were looking for an excuse. If you hate me just say so, it'll save me a lot of confusion and trips to my therapist's office.
Because Two Elephant Rides At The Circus Is Clearly You Trying To Upstage Me
If you think that your child's love rests on remembering which parent got her two elephant rides instead of one, then you're absolutely correct. Because the only people pettier than this lady are children.
Maybe He Was Just A Really, Really Bad Contra Dancer
God, he must've been really busting all kinds of terrible moves for her to see that on her timeline and get those divorce papers moving. Or maybe she's just embarrassed he felt the need to go contra dancing at all (because really, what is that???).
If You Eat Hummus With A Fork You Deserve To Get Divorced
A slow round of applause for this woman who saw the weirdest behavior alive and decided that "till death" was too long to watch this go on. Because only a madman spends the time to get hummus on a fork.
This Guy Had The Skin But Not The Luck Of The Irish
There's got to be more to this story because there's no way you would divorce someone over a sunburn... right. Right?? All of a sudden it's no longer my fear of wrinkles that are making me go out and buy SPF 85.
There Was A Loaf...But There Was No Love
Now, listen, who here wouldn't do the same thing if their significant other even breathed in the direction of their vegan, organic, triple-seeded, protein-enhanced, stone-baked rye? Let's be realistic, that stuff is $13 a loaf so we're filing for divorce too.
Imagine Arguing About A Palm Tree As Much As You Would About Child Custody
That $25 Walmart patio palm sure went up in value after this divorce. These two are the epitome of petty people who are just looking for excuses to fight. Don't waste lawyer's times with your petty debate, just do it on Facebook like everyone else.
Must've Been An Awful Last Name
This is a pretty broken legal system if it won't let someone change their name if they have kids with another person (I'm not even going to get into how this disproportionately negatively impacts women). (I really won't get into it). (But you know who this rule actually hurts right?)
Not The "Role-Playing Game" I Expected
Is this cheating? Is this really that bad? Actually, you tell me. Next time you're on World of Warcraft and see a fine night-elf hunny walking by with low XP but high mana and a tricked out mighty glaive, tell me you wouldn't give her your number.
The Facebook Status
Good for this judge for actually standing up to the unbelievable BS these people have been getting away with. If that's all it takes to make or break your marriage, they better get ready for the issues that being on your S/O's "Close Friends" list on Instagram is going to cause.
The Audacity To Ask To "Pick Up Milk"
Imagine being married to this annoying person who asks you to do stuff like help out?? And take the trash out?? Like, what do you look like?? A husband?? God, some people are so self-absorbed.
She's Planning To Live Her Best Afterlife
This is called having a plan A and a plan B for when your subconscious decides to scare the living daylights out of you. She doubled down on the weirdness because if you're going to divorce your husband because of a dream you might as well start teaching religion to really make your life do a 180.
The Straw That Broke The Horse's (And The Math Teacher's) Back
I mean, come on, just one horse isn't unreasonable. Sure, they don't have a stable, but if they have a guest bedroom they can just throw some hay in there and nobody would know the difference. The neighbors might smell something, though.
Whether The Rocks Are Real Or Just Paranoia, Nobody Really Cares
Some of the comments on this story were saying how this man isn't paranoid and that his ex-wife was probably doing it to be petty. Which could be true, except for the fact that this is ridiculous and he probably just wanted a new lawnmower.
Can We Agree It's Time To Get A Divorce?
If arguing over what time it is is how you're choosing to deal with the anger in your marriage then it's not a "silly fight," it's a "silly war." Because you've got the microwave's time and the car's time on your side and all they have is the oven. And that's nothing.
I Knew Pokémon Was Intense But Not This Intense
Just imagine being there to witness this. How amazing would that be? Some angry woman coming in, wielding a frying pan, and yelling about a Mewtwo—whatever that is. I wouldn't watch TV for a week because I'd just think about that and be entertained.
There Was Another Chick...en
You know those free-range hens, they're the omen that your lives are going different ways. It can't be because I'm cheating on you or anything. No... we're just on different pages these days about front lawn ornaments.
"God Told Me" Is An Excuse I Would Use
You can just say you want to move to the Mediterranean and "find yourself." You don't have to involve God at all, really, nobody cares (except for your husband). They even made a movie about doing pretty much the same thing, and it's called Mama Mia.
Wife Or Car? The Ultimate Choice, Apparently
This woman was literally grinding his gears...wow. I'm sorry, it sucks that this is the deciding factor in the relationship for this guy, but can we take a moment to appreciate the fact that this is the actual case that inspired the saying? Like, hello?
Snorers Get A Prenup
Sleep is no joke people. Let this be a lesson to all of us. If we're happy in our marriages but can feel that sleep apnea coming on, you better be prepared to either pay for one of those sleep machines or pay for a divorce. It all comes down to how much you're willing to spend.
Because Apparently You Need A House To Be Married
This is the most adult-sounding reason to get a divorce on this list. Up until this point, it's been all sunburns, elephants, and childish stuff. Which is also an excellent name for a punk band now that I think about it.
