Women Who Settled For A Marriage With “Not The One” Share How Their Life Turned Out
The concept of the "one" is in itself controversial. Some believe that they have one soulmate in the world for them, while others accept that they have many compatible mates.
For now, let's agree that "the one" is the person you have no doubts over, and love unconditionally beyond your comprehension. This is the feeling that these women were missing when they agreed to marriage. Years later, they share how it turned out.
Not Much In Common Outside Of Family
"Twenty years marriage and three kids later. We are very good partners and make a great team. However, I am somewhat sad about how little we have in common outside of that." - gurlybrans.
Unfortunately, at that point, you don't want to break the family dynamic that you've created.
Together Yet Lonely
"It went bad. Staying in a relationship like that, I felt like giving up a piece of me. It's mature to compromise yes, but do it for the rights reasons with the right person for you. I personally felt a void, or something missing...I felt ultimately lonely and we broke up." - tinaple.
Sometimes you have to let go of your safety net and take a risk to get out and see what's better out there.
A Waste Of Time
"We got divorced after 3 years because he wasn't the one and he turned out to not actually be a good person either. I settled because I wanted a family but actually ended up wasting even more time by staying with the wrong person."
"Now I’m divorced and 40 with no children and no partner." - Cat_With_The_Fur. They say it's never too late!
Friends Over Romantic Partners
"I love my significant other and I know he loves me but we clash and see life in two different ways. He is more down to earth and stays to himself while I may be more likely to be caught in a spontaneous adventure. We do go well together though and coexist well.:
:But, sometimes we seem more like roommates than lovers." - idk_about_this_J.
A Sign Of Successful Adulting
"It became clear after 8 months in that he never wanted a relationship, just a girlfriend as a sign of successful 'adulting' and to not show up at family functions alone anymore." - Watto_007.
She ended the relationship shortly after and dodged a bullet. If she had stayed she would have been stuck in an unbalanced relationship dynamic.
From Lovers To Best Friends
"He's wonderful, a big part of my life, and my best friend. We’ve already agreed that he will be my maid of honor and I will be his best man. Sadly we were too incompatible romantically but it’s turned into a fantastic friendship."
Getting a best friend out of it is better than nothing.
Something Felt Off
"It ended years ago. When you feel that someone isn't 'the one' it’s usually your mind trying to indicate to you that something is off. After some years I realized my emotional needs just weren’t being met no matter how hard he tried. " - Meccha_me_2.
This woman speaks of how emotional and physical compatibility needs to be prioritized because if you overlook them, they only come back to haunt you later.
Older Doesn't Mean Wiser
"I fell unexpectantly in love with a man 31 years older than me. He kept giving me gifts, helping me, and taking me to lunch. We were married five months later. Even after a year of marriage, I couldn't wrap my head around him being so old." - oprahisnotgay.
In her case, it took a whole decade before she finally got over the age gap, but that is a whole decade of doubt and unhappiness.
It's About Compatibility
"There's no such thing as 'the one'. This is a toxic idea that destroys relationships that might otherwise work out. People are compatible with you or not. And then there are principles of marriage that you follow to have success."
"People don’t follow these principles and then they rationalize with this idea that they just weren’t soulmates." It's not supposed to be used as a cop-out.
A Life Unfulfilled
"Married for five years, together for 16 years. We’re in a rough spot and it’s easy after every issue to think, 'I knew I never should have stayed with him.' Sometimes I wonder if I’m being a coward..."
"He does not fulfill me intellectually, is emotionally immature, and we are on different planets of sexual desire. " - HeathrBee
The Difference Between "Love" And "In Love"
"He's a good man and I love him, but I never fell in love with him. At the time we met I needed safety and stability. Now that we’ve settled into life together, I’ve embraced those traits he brings, and when I get the urge for something more exciting, I find it in other ways." - HaneTheHornist
On the other hand, safety and stability can also be achieved without a partner.
Even "The One" Can Be Miserable
"I’m definitely with the one, but we are miserable as we are not very compatible. I had tried the practical route before and it didn’t work out. So I determined to marry for nothing but love. God knows I love him more than anything or anyone, but he is just a horrible partner." - Decent_Classic_5160.
In a way, that also means that he's not "the one" or that the concept doesn't exist.
Waiting For The Inevitable
"I didn't know he wasn't right until our first argument after getting married. I was convinced at that point that we would get divorced one day. I'm still pretty sure it will happen eventually. We keep our finances separate. I have protected myself in case of a divorce. " - farmher21.
That is not a way to live or feel secure. It's better to be alone than to have one foot out the door.
Distracted By Glitter
"I thought he was perfect, always complimenting me, buying gifts, and being positive. But deep inside I didn't love him or get butterflies. He pushed for marriage and I was hesitant but ultimately talked myself into it."
"He turned into a nightmare. Ran up my credit cards, constantly wanted to buy new cars, new everything. Then as suddenly as he came on, he dumped me for another woman." - Maurysdicks. Let the lesson be learned, never settle.
It's A Choice
"I personally don't believe in 'the one,' I believe in making a choice just like with anything else. I chose my husband because he meets a lot of my needs, and I love him for that and for who he is."
"I choose to love him for who he is rather than holding out for the idea of “the one.” - winninglottoticket. This is especially true when we accept that "the one" might never exist.
Sometimes They Grow On You
"Married for 28 years! We have had our ups and downs, but to be honest, he was the one, I just didn't know it at the time. Sometimes "the one" is an ideal based on youthful priorities, but with maturity, you realize some of those qualities aren't as important anymore. " - LoopyLadyCA.
Even with the one, relationships require hard work!
