Signs That Your Ex Still Misses You (But Why You Should Move On Anyway)
My history of relationships is pretty much a smorgasbord of everything. From long-term and healthy relationships to short flings, and “relationships” that were more toxic and one-sided than I honestly care to admit. Pat Benatar was right when she said, “Love is a battlefield.”
In those not-so-pretty breakups, I often wondered, does he miss me? and is he thinking about me? Here’s what I learned about why even if your ex misses you, you should leave them in the past and move on in the pursuit of happiness.
The Breakup
You’re outside in the park watching the sunset or perhaps at a restaurant enjoying what you think is a nice day. Suddenly your boyfriend looks at you with a touch of sadness in his eyes and says in a flat voice, “We need to talk.”
Your heart sinks because you know what’s about to happen, and you’re not ready.
The Immediate Aftermath
You scream and you cry, mascara running down your face. You then call up your best friends and unleash every pent-up emotion imaginable and they spend hours consoling you, telling you “it’ll be okay,” or “you’re better off without him.” Perhaps then you binge on junk food like chocolate and ice cream or crack open a bottle of wine.
You ask the universe what you did to deserve this, and as time goes on, the harder you try to forget them, the more they reappear in your mind. The smallest things in your day-to-day life remind you of them.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
There’s no doubt that a breakup will leave you with a flurry of emotions. From sadness to relief, rage, or hopelessness, regardless of how you’re feeling, those emotions—no matter how painful—must be acknowledged.
According to Healthline, “Accepting negative emotions may help relieve the distress they can cause. Avoiding them, on the other hand, could contribute to worsened mental health symptoms, including depression.” They recommend accepting whichever emotions you feel, exploring them to better understand where they come from, and positive words of encouragement.
Finding The Strength To Move On
The hurt might never truly go away, but it does get easier over time. What I learned is the best way to move on from an ex is to simply find happiness, whether that’s in a new healthy relationship, learning to love yourself first, traveling, or pursuing new passions.
Even in heartbreaking cases like these, there is something valuable to be learned. Time really does give you a new perspective.
What If?
Fast-forward a bit and now some time has passed since the ugly breakup.
You’re trying to move on with your life, but sometimes your curiosity gets the better of you and you end up thinking about your ex. So how do you know if he's still thinking about you?
Social Media Friends
I think back to my first breakup. He unfriended me on Facebook and I was utterly devastated because I thought that at the very least, we could remain friends. While I was still not over him, it was just as clear that he was already moving on.
If your ex still follows you on Instagram or has you as a friend on Facebook, that could be a sign that they still miss you and want to keep an eye on what you’re up to. Another indicator is if they find a reason to reach out to you, such as congratulating you on landing a new job or wishing you a happy birthday.
Calling Or Texting You Out Of The Blue
It can be a shocking feeling when you feel like you’re moving on with your life then suddenly a message pops up on your phone and it’s from the person you least expected.
Whether it’s a simple “Hey,” “What’s up?” or an “I miss you,” if you haven’t blocked their number and they message you out of the blue, especially if it’s an odd time of day, it's a solid indication that you’re still on their mind.
2 A.M. Drunk Texts
We’ve all been there before. The bar has just announced the last call and as you clutch a glass of vodka and cranberry juice, your mind slips back into that crevasse you’ve been so desperately trying to climb out of. It’s no secret that alcohol reduces our inhibitions and subsequent judgment, but you know the saying “drunk thoughts are sober thoughts.”
If you receive a random text message or phone call from your ex after they’ve had one too many, then that means they’re still thinking about you.
Remember The Good Times
It’s easy to get lost in our memories. When we’re sad, it’s comforting to retreat into a time and place when we were safe and happy.
If you encounter your ex and he brings up the happy times you shared together, like summers spent on the beach or cuddling in bed late at night talking about everything under the stars, then he’s still holding onto your past happy moments.
The Green-Eyed Monster
Is your ex dating a new woman and he’s posting an excessive amount of selfies and Instagram stories with his hot blonde girlfriend and showing her off like she’s a first-place trophy? Well, there might be a reason for that and it has to do with jealousy.
Couples that regularly post on social media are typically seen as being in a happy relationship. But according to Psychology Today, “Excessive displays were associated with less satisfaction.” So if he’s blasting social media with pictures of his new girlfriend, then perhaps he’s not as happy as he is letting on and is trying to make you jealous.
They’re Still Single
Another indicator that your ex still misses you is if they’re not dating anyone new. Perhaps the heartbreak is still too raw, or they’re secretly holding onto the hope that you’ll get back together, but if they’re still single it could mean they’re just not over you yet.
Another sign they might still miss you is if they ask about your love life and how you’re doing overall—not directly to your face, but through mutual friends.
Unexpectedly Running Into You
Do you run into your ex at the most random of times and places? Well perhaps it’s just a coincidence, and perhaps it’s not.
If you keep running into your ex, it could be a sign he misses you and is hoping he’ll run into you in some of your usual hangout spots, such as your favorite restaurant or park.
Perhaps You Didn't Know
A study out of Binghamton University and University College London surveyed over 5,000 people across 96 countries and found that breakups don’t affect the sexes in perhaps quite the way you were expecting.
“Women may feel more immediate heartbreak at the end of a relationship, but men experience greater emotional trauma over time,” according to The Washington Post. “Many male respondents seemed to have never gotten over certain breakups, even decades later.”
Steps Toward Healing
A Reddit thread recently touched on this topic and pointed out that breakups will end in one of two scenarios: The two people will eventually move on with their lives, or they might get back together after some time has passed because they realize they’re now two different people.
“Holding on to hope prevents us from fully moving on. It’s so toxic...healing from a broken heart really requires [considering] that your relationship with your ex is over forever.”
The Choice Is Yours
You know that your ex misses you, so now what? Every relationship is different, and while some have amicable ends, many often end in chaos and heartbreak.
There’s no blueprint for how to move on with your life after a breakup, and whether or not you decide to stay in contact or even get back together with an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend is your choice and yours alone. Whatever you decide to do, you should think it through and trust your instincts.
Why You Should Move On Anyway
But remember, the initial breakup did happen for a reason, so in my humble opinion, I think you should move on anyway.
All those messy heartbreaks were devastating for me at the time, but if they never happened in the first place I wouldn’t have moved forward with life and then met my true love, which happened when I was least expecting it. You never know what’s waiting for you just around the corner.
