Horribly Relatable Tweets For If Your Eating Habits Are Concerning At Best
When I was a kid and my mom was forcing me to eat my vegetables and limiting my candy intake, I would imagine how cool it would be to be an adult and be completely in control of what I eat. Now that I'm an adult and control what I eat, I know that it is the worst thing in the world.
We all objectively understand that we're supposed to eat foods rich in nutrients and drink a lot of water, but it's the actual "doing it" part where we get a little off track.
Lying To Yourself Is Key
If I tell myself that I care about my body, then does the fact that I've only consumed an extra-large energy drink and a handful of mints from my purse even matter?
It's Called Rationing—Look It Up
Okay, so I get that maybe they weren't the most nutrient-dense meals, but she survived on the cheesy snacks just fine. I mean, why fix it if the system clearly isn't broken?
College Doesn't Count, Okay?
College occurs on a different plane of existence where food, drinks, and sleep deprivation vary depending on our social norms. Coors Light is a perfectly respectable dinner. Different ramen noodle flavors are the major food groups.
I Hear What You're Saying, But...
Here's what I'm saying: if the universe wanted me to eat a stable, healthy diet with a variety of different foods, then why did it make bagels so perfectly delicious?
Bone App The Teeth
If you have made it through life without consuming this meal, I applaud you. This delectable two-course meal (each McChicken counts as a course) is prime dining in your twenties.
If Anything, I'm Showing Off My Creativity
It's called being resourceful—you take what is available and you find a way to turn it into a meal. You use your ingenuity to turn basic ingredients into imitation dishes. It's art.
I May Not Have Been Born After 1996, But I'm Still In This Photo
Okay, so I can't cook and I have an iron deficiency and basically relate to this whole post. Who needs to be able to prepare food for themselves and have functioning blood cells anyway?
"Of Course I've Been Following Your Advice"
Listen, I get that I shouldn't rely on drinking coffee as my main source of energy and that I should probably eat meals on a schedule of some sort, but where is the fun in that?
There's A Fine Line Between Chaos And Control, And Boy Do I Walk It
It's hard to be this composed amongst the chaos presented, but this gal is doing great. A meal can't be a disaster as long as you consume any amount of water during it. That's just science.
At Least I Set The Goal?
The first step to getting better is to acknowledge that you have some negative behaviors to address and plan to fix them. No one said anything about actually following through.
Mmmmm, Looks Like Breakfast, Lunch, And Dinner
I've done the math: if the average adult requires about 2,000 calories a day and the average coffee with two milks and two sugars is 100 calories, drinking 20 coffees a day means I'm maintaining a stable diet.
Tracking And Rewarding Systems Can Be Fun
I have to commend Hanna for this idea. I mean, as long as I don't treat my body like a garbage dump over the weekdays, I'm healthy. Everyone knows that White Claws and weekend nachos don't count.
In Memory Of All The Salad Mix I've Bought And Let Go Bad At The Back Of The Fridge
Salad is such a good idea in theory. Leaves! Fruits and vegetables! Multiple vitamins and minerals! It just really pales in comparison to a pizza when it comes to choosing dinner.
Me When Real Adults Ask About My Culinary Interests:
One thing I've noticed since I started since becoming an *adult* is that actual grown-ups care about food. They make fancy pot roasts and stuff. I'm out here eating toast with butter for the fifth dinner in a row, content.
My Kidneys And Liver Are Begging
Sometimes I fear what would happen if I ever got an extensive medical check-up. How much of my bloodstream would be espresso? Would my liver be shriveled up like a raisin?
The Burn Is The Point
"Salt And Vinegar" is my favorite flavor of chip, mostly because I love the feeling of searing the taste buds off my own tongue and also potentially developing an ulcer from all the acid.
I Won't Judge What You Do In The Privacy Of Your Home, But Please Leave It There
There are few things more blatantly disrespectful than bringing a healthy meal to an office or social potluck. We get that you care about your body, but don't try to make me feel like I should too. Pass the meatballs, Sharon.
Fake It Until You Make It
You know, everyone talks about how meal-prepping your food takes a lot of patience and diligence, but it's so easy. A little milk, a little cereal, and bam! You're set for the week.
The Duality Of Man
I get that some of my friends are out here thinking about purchasing a home and already have kids, but I'm just living my best life drinking boxed wine while making mac n' cheese.
And There's Nothing Wrong With Resigned Acceptance.
My eating habits may be erratic and irresponsible, and yes I may not have clear skin or most of the nutrients I need. But you know what I do have? Multiple happy hour chicken wings and margaritas flowing through my veins, and I think that's beautiful.
