It’s Basic Witch Season, So Here Are Some Tweets That Nailed Halloween
Don't settle for your average run of the mill Halloween content this spooky season—we've all got so many thoughts about the holiday that a cookie that says "boo" on it just won't cover. Even though it's like really good and you should definitely save me one or twelve.
Up your vamp vibes with tweets that really speak to the goth inside you that's just busting to get out. These epitomize the times Twitter really just hit the nail on the head of this whole holiday.
Spiders Everywhere Feel Personally Victimized
This only happens because what else are you supposed to put in that corner? Some flowers? Absolutely not, this is October and you better believe that corner is getting properly spookified with some appropriate candy floss cobwebs and a plastic bat.
The Haunted House That Would Actually Scare Me
This would be mildly horrible and I wouldn't be able to handle it for even five minutes. Going to get the milk would be a monumental task as you'd have to make small talk with the estranged starters on the volleyball team you haven't talked to in years. Just awful.
No Costume's More Dead Than My Social Life
These are the two costumes that we're either being this year or aspiring to be this year. There's no way you're not wondering the best way to covertly change into one of these looks only a half-hour into the party you'd rather not be at.
Halloween Is The Only Future Planning We're Doing
If I put half the amount of energy into planning my year as I plan one day in October then I'd be a CEO vacationing in Ibiza by now. "You can put that chilled towel on my stomach, Clancy," as I kick back by the saltwater pool.
Alexa Play "Truth Hurts"
This is the truth and we know it. There's no such thing as an equal partnership when it comes to a couple's costume planning. One person is lobbying hard to be human-sized salt and pepper, while the other one really wants to be the "sure babe, whatever you want" this year.
Gotta Have Dollars To Haunt
People are out here charging an arm and a leg for a walkthrough of a dimly lit house and a guy you went to highschool with dressed in a Jason mask grabbing your back. It's time we took a stand against this extortion and demanded they provide what we really want.
I'll Never Be Able To Wear My Skeleton Again After This
It's unsettling how much this makes sense. When will we be able to quit our skeletons? They're like a bad habit or a bad relationship. We know we should stop, but we're in so deep...
The Spooky Doesn't Stop In The Uber
This is sick because usually my Uber either insists we sit in silence with no radio or they want to use me as a personal therapist for talking through issues they're having with their cousin. I feel you dude, but your cousin's living situation isn't a Halloween vibe.
The Costume That Costs Literally Nothing
I emotionally, spiritually, and physically feel this. Physically because the milk in my fridge was a week expired and I drank it anyway thinking it wouldn't do any harm. So... this costume is also a great everyday look.
I Feel Personally Victimized By This
This tweet is a neat little hat-trick. It both rubs it in that we're single during cuffing season and sticks its tongue out at the world's greatest holiday. I think that makes it the perfect scary tweet.
So... Not A Spooky Ghost This Year?
This kid is some sort of genius but also is wigging me out a little bit. This wealth of 1970s nautical knowledge almost seems like he was there and... one of the crew members aboard. No, no, it's just a regular smart kid. Right?
They Didn't Have To Come For Labor Day This Hard, But They Did
This tweet is what's up. What even is Labor Day? What's the lore behind it? There's got to be some kind of fun pagan celebration behind not wearing white pants anymore because otherwise, Labor Day needs to step itself up.
Thank You For The Input Internet
This is a completely valid response. Internet trolls only seem to multiply during spooky season since the spell that's been keeping them dormant in their mom's basement weakens with the harvest moon and the new releases of World of Warcraft expansion packs are hitting the market.
For Everyone Who Has At Least Four Costumes
Listen, for everyone who loves attention, this is the perfect solution to keep eyes on you all night long. You're always going to get a reaction from other party guests even if it's just forced politeness at the end of the night. Ta da...
*Me @ Me After Texting The Same Guy Again Who Doesn't Care About Me*
Hahaha, this is funny because it definitely hasn't happened to me or any other person. "Nope, I don't look like a clown," I say as I put on my red nose and send the guy who hates me an invite to Taco Tuesday at my apartment.
This Tweet Just Cured Me Of Everything
This is some cute stuff. Some 10/10 adorable content and you need to hear it. It's the affirmation in your life that only a spooky sibling can give you and I'm happy to share the positive vibes with you so you can be your best most haunted self.
"Let's Play" Really Sends Shivers Down Our Spines
To be fair, not all gamers are bad. They get a bad rap and deserve the same love and affection every other Halloween enthusiast gets. Except if they talk about the comments on their YouTube Minecraft videos at the party, then we have to politely change the subject.
Every Dad On Halloween
This guy is going to lose his mind when he finds out he's got millions of twins out there. Starting right here with your's truly. See you at the annual family BBQ James, grill me up some pineapple, please.
Everyone Can Celebrate, Even The Prince Of Darkness
Finally, some of the Halloween royals are getting in on the celebration. Every year I invite Dracula to my get-together and he never swings by. It's good to hear that the OG demon is feeling confident enough to step out this season.
The Spooky Dookie
If you've made it this far you deserve a treat, and it's this tweet. The trick part of the "trick or treat" was the fact that it's not actually in the letter of the law that these are called this. So... one of us needs to get busy working on that law degree.
