Jokes About Women Wanting Pockets In Their Clothing, Except No One Is Joking
Nothing is more infuriating than discovering the pockets on those dress pants you just bought are so shallow they can't even fit your house keys in them, or even worse, that they're fake and they're actually sewn shut.
Early 2000s Mel Gibson spent his life figuring out what women want, but it was in front of him all along: they want functioning pockets in their clothing. This is arguably one of the most simple things women have ever asked from the world, and yet we're unable to deliver it to them.
What Women Want
Men claim that women are hard to figure out and that we're not clear about what we want in life, but when it comes to fashion, we couldn't be more clear. It does not matter the fabric, the color, the sizing — all we want is pockets.
It's Fake News
Women's clothing is a scam. We have been tricked into this for far too long and it's time for an uprising. If women would just stop buying women's clothing and stick to men's pants only, maybe designers would finally get the message.
A PSA For Designers
If you're going to put pockets in your clothing, please make them deep enough to actually store things in them that are bigger than a quarter. Making a pocket that only fits 1/5 of my phone doesn't actually help.
A Pocket Full Of Joy
If a woman is wearing a dress that has pockets, you are going to know about it. It doesn't matter how well she knows you or if you care, she's going to show off those pockets because it basically never happens.
First Step, Pockets. Second Step, World Domination
That's the real reason behind not giving women the pockets they deserve. Pockets would give us too much power. We'd be able to hold our car keys and our phone without needing a purse, and without having to carry a giant purse around we'd have our hands free for world domination.
They Haven't Earned Their Pockets
Babies do not need pockets. Babies have not earned pockets. If anyone deserves pockets it is the fully grown women who have given those babies literal life and have to take care of those babies for the next 18+ years.
An Issue Everyone Can Agree On
Everyone can agree that women need better pockets, and yet, here we are. We have bigger fish to fry in this country, but we're stuck wasting our time on something as small as pockets — and we do mean small.
Till The Day We Die
If there's one thing that we want to take with us when we die, it's pockets. We don't know where we'll end up, but we're pretty sure there will be something for us to hold at some point.
Dropping Hints Left And Right
This is the one thing that women are completely transparent about. At no point in history has a woman ever been upset or angry when they discovered that a piece of clothing designed for them has pockets.
Shame Shame I Know Your Name
If you're not going to design clothing with pockets, you can't be upset with us for always hauling around giant purchases or carrying 12 random items with us at any time because we have no other choice. We can't leave home without our wallet, phone, keys, lip balm, snacks, or our dog.
Seize Your Opportunities
A wedding dress with pockets makes your special day that much more special. You don't necessarily need to keep that much on you while you're at your wedding, but wouldn't it be nice to be able to keep your phone on you all night?
Focus On The Pockets
Obviously, once we're given these pockets, we're going to have a new list of demands, but it's taken centuries to get us this far so don't worry about what comes next. Worry about what we're asking for right now.
Every Woman Has Their Own Needs
More than anything, we want pocket equality. Everyone has a right to pockets and no one should be deprived of that, but if anyone is going to be deprived, it shouldn't be us.
We'd Give Our First Born Child For A Skirt With Pockets
If a dress or skirt has pockets, women are automatically at least 50% more likely to purchase it, regardless of if it's cute or not. You better convince yourself you love it because it costs $200 and you only have one shirt that will really go with it, but it has pockets.
Men's Pockets Are Like Mary Poppins' Bag
You know how in teen movies or TV shows the mysterious high school boy always carried a book in his back pocket, and then he'd be surprised that the female lead also knew how to read? If she had better pockets, she could carry around books in her pockets too.
Pocket Inequality
No man should ever be allowed to complain about their girlfriend asking him to hold their phone or their credit card. Girls don't have any pockets, whereas men get them on the outside and the inside. It's only fair that you hold everything.
Functionality Over Fashion
For designers to have the audacity to put those teeny tiny pockets on women's jeans is too much. You have no idea what I use my jeans for clearly, but if you think they serve any purpose other than to hold the dime I have left after you made me spend $100 on jeans without pockets, you'd be wrong.
Nothing Is Worse Than Buying Jeans And Discovering This
Whoever decided that putting fake pockets on women's jeans was acceptable is a sick, twisted person. If you're going to go to the effort of giving us pants that have pockets, and then sew them closed, why not just leave them open?!
Don't Let Them Know About The Hurt That's Coming
At the very least, put pockets on children's clothing, lull them into a false sense of security so girls have places to put their pet snails, and then slowly phase out the pockets as they get older and they're able to handle the harsh reality of being a woman.
Pockets Are An Urban Legend
We don't do this to be cute though, we do this because finding a dress or skirt with pockets is like coming across a unicorn and we need to tell the story to the world.
