Tweets For If You’re A Nightmare Dressed Like A Daydream
I'm going to be honest: I'm a woman who a lot of men are attracted to at the start. I come across as smart, beautiful, funny, and an all-around fun time. However, once I feel a man falling into my clutches, I reveal the truth: I am made of pure evil.
If you also are a total nightmare to date despite your daydream-like exterior, these tweets are for you.
Thanks, Babe!
Dating me involves dealing with me being annoying and whiny until I get what I want and then still making you go the extra mile because I'm lazy and needy.
I Can Still Quote Things Men Said Years Ago
While I could probably be using my memory for more useful things, I can still win an argument with a man named Matt by bringing up something rude he said on July 5th, 2016.
Never Tell A Woman To Calm Down
I think it's common knowledge that you shouldn't tell anyone to "calm down" in the middle of an argument, but that applies twice as much when you're fighting with a woman with a temper.
It's What's On The Outside That Counts!
I feel a weird sense of pride about all of the men who I have tricked into believing I was a sweet, shy gal until they were in love with me, at which point I showed my true evil colors.
Even Celebrities Can Be Nightmare Girlfriends And Wives
John Legend and Chrissy Teigen might be my favorite celebrity couple. All of their cute behavior aside, I love that Chrissy is a demanding and irrational role model for the rest of us.
The Duality Of Woman
Inside every single woman, there is a whole variety of moods, behaviors, and emotions. For example, while I can be demure and sweet for a few weeks, I will also ruin a man's life.
Welcome To Emotional Whiplash!
The great thing about dating an unpredictable woman is that things will never be boring in your relationship. The bad thing is that you'll experience whiplash between her good moods and bad moods.
We Know How To Ruin Any Good Moment
Men, picture this: you're lying together with your girlfriend on the couch and cuddling. Everything is good. She decides to bring up that one time you liked that one girl's pic two years ago.
Alright, See You Never!
The problem with giving a chaotic girl an ultimatum is that she is generally petty enough to take the option you don't want to happen (and, honestly, she doesn't either) just to spite you.
I, Too, Was Raised To Believe In This
There is no literary/film character that has inspired me more than Amy Elliott Dunne in Gone Girl. The way she flawlessly faked her own murder and left her husband to face the death penalty was *chef's kiss*.
Honestly, I Don't See A Single Con To Dating Me
Do I have several borderline psychotic behaviors that make me an absolute nightmare to date? Maybe, but at least I'm funny sometimes and look really hot on occasion in good lighting.
How Dare You Do What I Say?
Will I spiral into a rage if a man I'm seeing refuses to follow the directions and demands I give him? Yes. Will I also likely react in the same way if he does follow them? Yes.
Keep It Spicy, You Know?
I guess that it might be easier to just mind my own business and let a relationship follow its natural course, but why would I do that when I could disturb his peace and create chaos for fun?
We Stan Petty Moms Everywhere
I was raised by the pettiest, most insane woman I have ever met in my life and I am so thankful for it. My mom once gave my dad the silent treatment for three days because he cheated on her in her dream.
I Fantasize About The Fights I've Never Had
Some girls fantasize about going on long walks on the beach with their significant other and holding hands. I lie awake at night and think of the crazy arguments I could start.
We Turn Into The FBI When We Feel Ignored
I believe it was William Shakespeare who wrote: "Hell hath no ability to investigate quite like a woman who can see that her text message from 10 minutes ago hasn't been read even though he was active on Instagram two minutes ago."
This Woman Is My Hero
I have always fantasized about being assertive and pretty enough for a man to just pay for my existence and then continue on with his day. This story gives me hope.
This Is An Inconvenient Truth
Do I expect men to wholeheartedly trust me despite the fact that I have been untrustworthy and chaotic in the past? Yes. Do I ever trust men? Not even a little bit.
You Don't Even Need To Date Me To Break Up With Me
Men, let me be clear: when you break up with a girl, you break up with all of her friends at the same time, and you should apologize. Who is going to pick up McDonald's for me now?
I'm Different, But Still A Nightmare
Some people believe that being a nightmare girlfriend is a phase that you eventually grow out of. In reality, I just morph into a different type of awful rather than improving.
