Overheard Conversations You’ll Be Happy You Weren’t A Part Of
We've all overheard conversations at Starbucks or while we're on the subway that we wish other people could've been listening to. These are the conversations that make you immediately pull out your phone to text your friend about it because you need someone else to be in on them, or the ones that you don't even feel bad about eavesdropping on because they're too funny.
Luckily, social media has provided the perfect place to share those weird overheard conversations, and we've collected some of the funniest and worst ones.
Haircut Heartbreak
Men, take note: If a woman cuts her hair after a breakup, it's game over for you. A haircut means she was looking for a change, and if she dyes it? You must've seriously wronged her.
Twelve Months' Notice Is Too Much Notice
We love a man who makes plans for the future, but not that far in the future. Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Figure out your plans for Easter and see if you even still like each other by the summer.
A Heads-Up Would Be Nice
There should be an app where people are able to review their former partners like Rate My Professor, so you don't go into a new relationship blindly, diving head-first into the abyss.
Soon You'll Have To Drop Your Price
Not only will other people start to wonder what's wrong with you, you'll start to wonder, too. Do you have black mold hidden in the walls? Do you need to renovate the kitchen before someone is going to be willing to put in an offer?
You're The Only Judgmental Millennials
We're not saying that you deserve to be judged if this is how you think generations work... but we're just saying we're not exactly surprised that an older generation might be judging you.
The Only Acceptable Time To Do This Is Never
You can be this customer, but don't be this customer if there's a line of people behind you and it's 8 a.m. on a Tuesday morning. Sunday at 3 p.m. is the time to experiment with a new drink, not when it's the morning rush to work.
Every Hour Is Rush Hour In LA
Los Angeles is probably one of the only cities in the world where a 5-year-old complaining about traffic at their ballet class would seem completely natural to everyone around them.
Don't Believe Everything You Hear
If you were naïve enough to believe someone when they said that they were only five minutes away, that's on you. Everyone knows that "be there in five" means they're just leaving the house now.
That's The Spirit!
You might as well set everyone's expectations low from the beginning—it will make all of our lives easier. Plus, this way if you help them even a little bit, they're going to think you're exceptional.
It's Complicated
Would you rather be broken up with through a post on your Facebook wall, someone updating their status to single, or through a Post-It note à la Berger from Sex and the City?
Save Up Your Energy
Any introverted person can relate to this conversation. You only have so many funny anecdotes about your week stocked up, so you can't waste them all during happy hour before the whole group arrives.
"La-La Land" Might As Well Be Called "Neverland"
If dating is going to teach you anything, it's that age really is just a number. Everyone matures at their own pace, and men in LA are behind the curve.
Don't Accept Less Than You Deserve
You have to create the life you want. Dream big, bigger than creating carnitas bowls and steak burritos for 20 hours a week at a minimum wage job. If you act like you like it, you're an actor!
Stay Hydrated, Stay Happy
Everyone needs that one friend who can help them keep themselves and their emotions in check, and clearly this girl is that friend. Don't waste your tears on him—cry over Coachella being canceled instead.
You Don't Need This Negativity In Your Life
At what point does a nap turn into just going to bed? Is length important for this classification, or do we leave it up to the intention of the person? If you want to have a nap, it doesn't matter how long it is. A nap can be whatever your heart desires.
Asking The Important Questions
While it would be easy to only focus on the first part of the conversation, we'd like to give a shout-out to the second person who clearly has their priorities in order.
Emotionally? We Never Opened
Anyone who has ever worked in a customer service job knows the pain of someone showing up 20 minutes before closing, or even worse, five minutes before. All you want is to lock the doors and tell them they can't come in, just like you do to all your repressed feelings.
Don't Let Him Take This Away From You
Don't ever let your ex take away the places that you love. After a breakup, it's natural to stop going to some of the places you used to go together, like the restaurant you always went to—but you have to stand up for what you need.
It's An Endless Cycle
Eventually, you'll get to the point where you start being honest and telling people that you thought the tattoo meant "abundance," but in actuality, it means something like "bucket" because you just don't have the energy to lie anymore.
Shut This Party Down
There comes a point in every night out where you realize you need to go immediately because you can't take any more social interaction, and if someone tries to come with you, you might just explode.
Still Worth Checking Out
It's always worth checking out a pop-up event when you see one, even if closer inspection reveals it to not be a pop-up at all. Even still, if it's a hot day, maybe you need a baptism.
Late Summer In New York
There's something exhausting about hearing the travel plans of people with far more disposable income. It's nice that these folks are tying a bow on the summer with a trip to Flushing for the Open.
Humblebrag Much?
Seriously though, wedding costs really have gotten out of control, especially in big cities like New York. Guests are supposed to cover their plate and all, but their plate costs like $500.
Classic JFK Exchange
Airports often have the same lousy chain locations as the outside world, only they're somehow even worse. So don't expect iced lattes — or basic human courtesy — at the JFK Dunkin'.
We All Want To Accessorize
Look, kids seem like a nightmare. But under the right circumstances, they can be a fashionable part of your aesthetic. It's just hard to negotiate these two truths. Poor kids.
Brat Summer Lives On
What does one do when their wife leaves them and the end of Brat summer is rapidly approaching? The answer is to cling onto Brat summer with every fiber of their being.
A Bit Of Real Talk
We're all fake on Insta, that's a given, so if you really want to bond with someone, give them your handle — but just let them know what the deal is before they add you.
Don't We All, Kid...
Airlines are in a race to the bottom when it comes to amenities in their standard seating. It's nice to see this kid have high standards — they just need to realize that there's a cost.
Let's Slow Those Stories To A Cruise
There's nothing like seeing someone's Mediterranean dream summer from a bunch of locations that don't even seem like real places, all while you're struggling to exist on a broken-down subway car.
A New York Tip
Tourists are so overwhelmed with the majesty of Times Square that they don't even have the time to cry. To feel the unbearable pressure of the Big Apple, you really need to live here for at least a few months.
Truer Words Have Never Been Spoken
Do you ever look at a baby during the stage of life when no one can reason with them, so they just get what they want? Yeah, I think we'd all like to experience some of that again.
A True New Yorker
Ice cream might be the go-to for a crying kid, but sometimes there are simply better treats available. Hopefully that's a good bagel, because a New York slice seems like a better option.
When My Mind Exits My Body
These are the kinds of jobs that nobody can really parse. There's no doubt that Gen Z girl's parents are proud of her and all, but they just tell their friends that she "works for the internet."
Gone In A New York Minute
Adhering to proper pedestrian laws and only crossing in designated crosswalks is a good way to survive, but it's also a good way to lose precious minutes that you'll never get back.
My, How Things Change
Do you ever hear about how hard your forebears worked, and, eyes wide open, realize that you will never, ever possess that work ethic? Yeah, it's a humbling moment.
Shots Fired
Restaurant life is definitely the life for some people, but for the rest of us, it's a nonstop nightmare. If you've ever been in charge of staffing one of these places, you get it.
It's In God's Hands Now
At the airport, you might just be a few miles away from that unlocked door or still-boiling pot — but you may as well be on a different planet altogether.
Don't Sleep On Pools
In Manhattan, you're only going to find a pool if you have access to a penthouse. So it's extra important to seek out pool-owning friends for those summer weekends out of town.
We Are The World
New York is known as a melting pot where people from all over the world come together. It's also a place where two guys from Uniondale can come together in Midtown.
Brace Yourself
It's a mark of getting older: First, all of your friends get married. Then there's a wedding lull for a few years. Then, you start getting the second marriages. Just wait it out.
We Don't Talk About Those
This sounds like the setup for a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. Surely there are decent bagels to be had in LA. We've just never seen any.
You're A Rich Girl
If only we could successfully reassure wealthy babies that their diaper doesn't matter in the face of their parents' money, the world would be a better place...or at least have a little less crying.
Primitive Skills
Some skills are in high demand if you're on a survival-based reality show, while conversely making you look like some kind of rustic criminal if you're trying to get by in New York.
Self Awareness Is Good
There are more than two different types of New York, there are thousands of types of New York. But it sounds like these middle schoolers know exactly where they slot in.
In New Yorker, Please
This might blow your mind, but there are stores everywhere in the world that are essentially bodegas. It's just that most of them aren't called bodegas, and some of them don't have a resident cat.
It's Exhausting, Isn't It?
It's one thing to spend money on goods and services, but sometimes it feels like you need to pay a (steep) admission fee just to leave your home for a few hours.
2020s Problems
This is a tricky one because some Instagram models have millions of followers, while other Instagram models are your deadbeat uncle. It's worth checking out their profile to see if their modeling work deserves your respect.
Con Ed, You Up?
These little lifehacks are great. Now we know how to get Con Ed to arrive quickly — no, not for an emergency, but for those times when you're feeling alone.
Please Let This Trend Die
There's nothing wrong with the word 'demure', but man, enough is enough. It's lost all meaning and has reached the point where it feels like no words mean anything anymore, while time is a flat circle, and so on.
I Mean, It's A Cartier
Men used to go to war, die in combat, and not give their girlfriends Cartier bracelets. I'd say this is not such a bad deal for this woman.
