People Who Shot Their Shot And Want To Disappear Into The Floor Now
We can't all be Fabio-level flirtation masters. Some of us are born to fumble over and over again until we finally give up and decide that our true love will always and forever be Chuck Bass on Gossip Girl. I may just be talking about myself...
But worry not, because literally everyone has gone through a terrible flirtation experience. And their blunders will make you feel so, so, so much better about your own.
"You Have The Bone Structure Of A Velociraptor"
"I fancied a lass, Steph, for ages when was around 23. We were heavily into raving/clubbing at the time. Steph was really pretty but had a very unique bone structure like the type models have.
So I was pretty smashed and we crossed paths in a club and I basically said 'Steph you are really hot and unique looking you have the bone structure of a velociraptor.' She was horrified and we spoke very little after this." —Ph0en1xGeaR, Reddit
When In Korea, Flirt Terribly On The Subway
"Me and an army buddy of mine were both Korean linguists and stationed in Korea. One day we're riding the subway in Seoul and there's this group of three really good looking Korean girls behind us. My buddy turns to me and says in English, 'I'm gonna drop my mad Korean skills on them and try to get us some dates tonight.'
So he turns to the hottest one and says in Korean, 'so what are you girls out doing today?' She replied in perfect English, 'I guess we're going on a date with you.' Turns out she was born and raised in Cali and was just visiting." —DuctTapeChainsaw, Reddit
From Now On This Is The Only Kind Of Flirtation I Accept
This is a genius idea because you're basically paying people to ignore how socially awkward you are by hiding behind your money. It's also incredibly money-wise and it's the only way I'll accept being hit on from this point forward.
Jessica Is Me At The Smallest Bit Of Attention
Jessica knows this person has no idea what she looks like, but she's ready to take ownership of that compliment if that's what it takes to feel good. I'm in awe of her...I think she's my new hero?
Love Finds A Way...Even In Arby's
"One day I was at an Arby's by myself, and I noticed a cute girl also by herself so I figured I'd give it a shot.
I'm not shy, or bad with words, or awkward with women, but for some reason when I got over to her I got stuck and said, '...nice sandwich.'" —Casual_WWE_Reference, Reddit
A True Renaissance (Fair) Man
"I got blackout drunk at a party and while drunk my buddy introduced me to a chick. For whatever reason I decided to kiss her hand and say 'milady.' Suffice to say I didn't get anything that night." —TheDinnerPlate, Reddit
You Could Say This Dude Is Fly
"Was trying to hit on a girl who lived in the apartment above me at the same college housing. The conversation was going pretty well when a fly flew into my mouth at a joke I'd made.
She got really confused. I finally was able to hack it up and spit it out. She just kind of looked at me funny and said goodnight and went up to her apartment. Things were somehow always really awkward when we ran into each other from then on." —SRSFACE_18C, Reddit
Apparently Being Psychic Is A Dating Requirement Now
Seriously, how is anyone supposed to pick up on this? I also want to add that this behavior extends to all genders since we're all socially awkward humans just trying to navigate the big scary world of shirtless gym selfies on Instagram.
This Is The Opposite Of How The "Hot Cop" Scenario Is Supposed To End
"I'm female. I wanted to try to flirt with the cute cop guarding my work building, so on my way back from walking in the rain without an umbrella, I tried to make small talk about the weather. What came out instead was:
'In case you didn't know it's raining outside just take a look at me, I'm nice and wet.' His face turned bright red and once I realized what just came out of my mouth I stuttered and then I ran up to my office and hid. Never saw him again." —leashyb, Reddit
Apparently, "Anniversary" Means Expiry Date
I'm curious as to why this man wants to ruin his life like this. There are zero scenarios where this works out in his favor. The most he can hope for at this point is to not end up in an article about flirtation fails...oh wait.
Probably Wasn't Even The Worst Flirting This Bartender Witnessed
"Cute bartender I'd been lusting after brought me a drink and sat down with me. I freaked out so bad I spilled the drink on myself TWICE before I actually managed to get any of it in my mouth. Sigh." —Reddit
They Dove In...Then Immediately Regretted It
They dove into a painting of waves and this person's DMs, hahaha, do you get it? I hope you do get it, because clearly this person is getting none after this blunt rejection.
Nothing Cooler Than Vomit-Soaked Shoes
"It was probably 1968-ish and my mom was in high school. She hated cigarettes because her whole family smoked but she wanted to impress this guy she liked who smoked.
So she borrowed a cigarette from her sister, lit it and walked over to him. She took one puff and threw up all over him. That's how my parents met. They were married for 39 years." —Mortico, Reddit
Being An Active Follower Isn't Working?? Are They Blind??
If you've been a loyal follower for weeks, watch their IG stories, and like all their posts you're basically shouting from a rooftop that you're head over heels in love. It doesn't matter if their mom and all their hometown friends do the same thing—you're special and they should notice.
You Know You're In When They Don't Vomit On Site
This is 100% true because basically "putting your foot in the door" for a man flirting with a woman is just not destroying your chances with them forever right off the bat. As a lady who can't deal with a lot of people, this is a rule I live by.
Dead Dogs—Not Usually A Mood Setter
"She was talking about Alaska and jokingly said she thinks her dog could run in the Iditarod. And I responded with, 'hey, just like that one book we had to read in middle school! Stone Fox! Wait, but not the ending.'
And we sat in awkward silence for a few moments as I realized I made her visualize the death of her dog that she loved so very much." —LegendofSki, Reddit
Must've Been One Heck Of A Comb
"I was trying to chat up a cute girl at a checkout counter. The conversation had organically died out and we were both just kind of standing there awkwardly, her waiting for me to leave.
But I was oblivious and didn't want to stop talking, so in a desperate attempt to keep it going, I blurted out, 'I bought a comb today.' She looked at me like I was a complete idiot (not wrong) and I shamefully walked out of the store." —H0use0fpwncakes, Reddit
Noooo Not On Nacho Night
"I used to get quite bad anxiety and it would occasionally make me throw up. This one time it was my first time around this girl's house I really liked and we ended up making taco's and nachos. 5 minutes after eating them I proceeded to throw up everything all over her table.
She didn't mind and I helped clean it all up and we ended up together a few weeks later. One of the most embarrassing moments in my life." —Mazzerboi, Reddit
It's Probably Better This Donut Shop Minor Employee Got Rejected
"I was working at Tim Hortons when I was 16. I'd had a crush on this one regular who was much older (40 or so.) After filling his order for a dozen donuts, I slipped him a piece of paper with my number.
My hands were shaking and I couldn't look above the visor of my hat. He declined and just said flatly, 'too young.'" —neptunesunrise, Reddit
Like Giving Roses, Except They're Weird Little Erasers
"In kindergarten, there was a girl I had a crush on and in my little child mind I thought a good way to get her to like me was to leave those Smiggle erasers, that you put on the end of your pencil, on her desk.
Smart little child me forgot to actually think about how that would work, she had no idea where they came from and just gave them to the teacher because she thought someone lost them." —BlaMU, Reddit
Even Famous People Do It
If you saw you had a notification and saw that it was from Justin Bieber, would you think it was fake? I would. You'll be happy to know that she left him on read.
How Long Was This Car Ride?
How long would the car ride have to be for someone to think they've developed feelings for someone? Why can't people we want to like us have this kind of commitment so soon?
It Is Too Weird
I always wonder when someone does something like this how well they really thought that it was going to go. Did they really think they were going to hang out with a stranger who got their number from their business website?
Yes, Please Call The Powice
What is this person saying? Anyone who is asking you not to call the police on them is just begging for you to actually call the police on them. They might need a translator, too. Who knows.
Someone Needs To Read A Book
I'm by no means a dating expert, but I don't think that this person is off to a good start with their pick-up attempt of this person. In fact, I can promise you that they're failing.
You're Not Sorry For Anything
Honestly, doesn't anyone remember their parents teaching them not to talk to strangers? That should probably and especially extend to the internet don't you think? Moral of the story, don't add random people on Facebook, they won't care.
Like A Dad...Not Daddy
Well this was probably very disheartening to read. Is being called someone's dad better or worse than being called someone's brother? I suppose there are pros and cons to both.
Wait...What?
Honestly, any person with self-respect would just block this person after because that is just a low blow. She was never going to send you nudes, no matter what you said.
They've Got Them There
This person can't even be that mad because they pretty much set themselves up for it. Like if you have to ask if someone is going to say I love you back, you should probably keep it to yourself.
Sir, No
I was doing really well until you sent me that message a couple of weeks ago, which you'll notice that I completely ignored on account of it being one of the dumbest things I read.
Who Doesn't Love A Pet Name
While they aren't really off to a terrible start, you have to wonder if it's going to work out between someone who responded to being called a croissant with calling the other person a donut. They're on totally different levels.
She's Dropping Hints And He's Missing Them
At least he didn't get creepy or jealous about her seeing someone else, but he could not have been more clueless about those pick-up attempts. What is it with men?
No One Wanted To Know That Fact
I can't think of another person in the world who would want to know that horrible and depressing fact about cats. You can hate cats and still think that's the worst.
He Did Ask Permission
Everyone take note, this is how you shoot your shot and have some kind of mild success. I'm not sure about the kid crawling under a stall door, though. That's not cute.
Know Your Audience
I don't get why people put things in their Tinder bios that they don't actually know and won't live up to when it comes to actually having a conversation together.
And Right Over The Head
Either this person is clueless or they are trying to let her down easy by avoiding the subject altogether in a way that there isn't really any coming back from.
That Was A Lot Of Hoop Jumping
How did this guy think that was OK? He made that a long and frustrating drawn-out conversation when he could have saved himself the embarrassment and just not asked at all.
This Is Next-Level Creepy
So you're telling me that this guy took the number from someone who she left her number for so he could message her and be creepy about getting burritos together?
Just Getting Right To The Chase
This person was driving behind someone who had a sign in the window with their number who was trying to sell the car, and this person was just trying to find friends, but no.
Sometimes It Works Out In The End
Sometimes, it just works out when you decide to take that kind of risk and shoot your shot. That makes it worth trying some of the time, right? It has to.
