People Who Should Just Quit The English Language After This
We've all slipped up at some point and said the wrong thing. Maybe you've done the classic move where the waiter tells you to "enjoy your meal" and you say "you too." Those are just good ol' fashioned knee-slappers that you can go home mildly embarrassed and giggle about to your friends and family while writing a lengthy Facebook post about how quirky you are.
These aren't those. These are people who are really out here trying to say some stuff but failing miserably. They're all hard to look at but they'll make you feel better about your life because at least you didn't call hand soap "hand soup." Chin up, there's always that.
The Spinch Salad
It's wild how much of a difference one letter can make. With the "a" it's a healthy leafy vegetable great for salads, smoothies, and pasta. Without the "a" it's something an aggressive driver yelled out the window at you when you accidentally cut them off in traffic.
Basically The Same Thing
Nobody will sleep with you if you're covered in ketchup so this person really does have a point. I think we can go ahead and just replace "condom" with "condiment" now. Great work team.
Start Your Emails With "Send Help" To Really Make An Impression
Professor Allen probably gets at least one of these emails per day. College profs are the first to hear about every dying grandmother, grandfather, dog, cat, and health issue. It takes a strong person to be able to field all these, but you can bet he'll never be available during office hours again for you.
You Sure Grandma Wants You Selling Her Abdomen?
This person should have consulted their grandmother before posting this because there's a good chance she actually knows what this thing is. And that her abdomen is worth more than $20.
Remember To Wash Your Hands With The Blood Of Your Enemies
There are many ways to interpret this and none of them are good. So instead, I'd like to talk to you about how hand sanitizer kills 99% of germs and should never be disrespected by a label maker like this.
*Me In The Kitchen Pretending I Know What I'm Doing*
This is what you call a dish when you're an hour deep into a "cute night in" with your significant other where you promised you'd cook but you're so far off the recipe at this point and there's basically no saving whatever this dish is so you call it something exotic so they'll never know how badly you've botched beef stew. Therefore, flaming yawn.
This KFC Is Under A Spell Or Something
Yeah, unfortunately, everything went wrong here. I'm not entirely sure what "temporary clothes" are, but nobody should be getting their chicken buckets from a place that can't even invest in some decent permanent clothes for their lobby.
Chill And Let Fido Be Possessed
If you're going to do it, do it at home with your own priest and a couple of hot towels and holy water because nobody wants to see that here. Let them run off-leash though, that's fine.
All Hail The Napking
Hey, I've found my new monarch. If you're like me and spend a good chunk of time in the bathroom mindlessly scrolling on the toilet or staring at your pores then you might as well take up permanent immigrated residence.
This Free Hair "Stylus" Haunts Me At Night
This is one of those photos that the longer you stare at the worse it gets. This "stylus" is free, run by a hubby, it's bring your own hair dye, actually never mind it's not free, and you get this beautiful result. There is nothing "health and beauty" about this posting.
Someone Check On Her Please
This girl glitched out for a second and said the most disturbing word I've ever seen, and then came back as a four-year-old trying to say the word. The next chance she gets she's going to say "raviolooiggetti" and all of our brains are going to collectively bleed.
One Moment While My Bowels Do Work On This Ramen
Can you imagine this is how we started all of our bodily functions? I would get some serious joy out of interrupting the conversation to tell someone to wait while I breathe. Hold on a few more seconds, I have asthma.
Geico Lizard Super Active On The Group Chat Making Plans
This person is rightfully annoyed since they've been talking to the Geico gecko all day and laying down some solid pizza and movie plans for the evening. I would be pissed too since I usually look for car insurance deals when watching movies.
They Secured The Bag And Some Relatable Social Anxiety
This is some hardcore relatable content because I guarantee we've all done a version of this social blunder at some point in our lives. If you haven't you might be a robot or at least actually listening to what people are saying. Weird.
At Least Know How To Spell Cookie Dough
How are these people alive? This is a serious question because how can you live your life eating and enjoying one of life's greatest pleasures and yet still not know how to spell it? Dew they need help?
Unfortunately Someone Somewhere Says It Like This
Wherever this person is in the world, I'm never going there ever. If this is a genuine attempt at naming this bug then this person should delete their Snapchat account and go prang for themselves.
Gluten Is Such A Drag Man
Hats off to you Linda, even though you're gluten-free you're still out here working the long shift burning the candle at both ends as a pastry quality control tester. The devil works hard, but Linda works harder.
Just A Quick Embrace Between Strangers
Brownie points if the stranger actually started to reach out and try to close the emotional gap between them. If someone in customer service ever asks you to hold them, you oblige with no questions because their day is much worse than yours.
Please God, Let Her Wear That Jacket
If you can't even spell leather you have no business selling a jacket for $75 dollars. There's no way you were even able to read the price tag, let alone fill out the prompts on the debit machine to actually purchase it. This thing should be free since that's probably how much they originally paid.
Live Curiously Or Die Trying
Hopefully, this person was able to live the life they wanted to curiously through Twitter. I'm fairly curious about what they learned but I'm not going to ask and ruin their immersion experience.
