Pumpkin Carving Fails That Will Rot Away The Little Hope You Had Left For Humanity
Why do we even try anymore? Whether it's trying to be the "hot girl" part of hot girl summer, going to the gym, or reinstalling Tinder for the 50th time, my endeavors are bound to fail and I've just accepted that. So, if you're like me and chronically cannot get your life together, here are some ugly pumpkins carved by people who are riding the struggle bus as hard as you are.
I get that we can't all be Picassos of the pumpkin trade, I get that. But can we at least all give it an honest effort? Because some of these just suck and I'm not convinced there was even an attempt.
This One Looks Like It's Shocked To Be Alive
Yeah dude, same over here. This mildly shocked pumpkin looks like it couldn't care less if it lives or dies because it's just happy it's gotten a couple of minutes on Earth. Gourd for you, what's that feel like?
Guess Which Sibling Didn't Go To College
This is basically just a gauntlet to decide who the weaker sibling is and I can confidently say that we haven't got an answer. There are no winners to this one except maybe the plants that are going to get the fertilizer that these pumpkins will be made into.
The Scotch Tape Holding This Thing Together Is About As Well As I'm Holding My Life Together
Why even bother putting the tape on? I'm confused if preserving the window design with its lovely permanent marker outlines is really worth all of that extra effort this person is putting in. Is this a mother's love?
This "Iron Man" Has Zero Will To Live And A Weak Jaw So It Might Be A Portrait Of Me
Honestly, Marvel needs to hop on another Avengers sequel where Iron Man struggles to form a sense of identity and self-confidence after staring at bad pumpkin replicas of himself. It's okay dude, I'm sure you definitely don't have the teeth of a 14th-century peasant in real life.
We Must've Been Watching Different SpongeBobs
This is SpongeBob Lite. It's the free version of the Bob you get when your parents don't like you enough to pay the cable bill and get the real Bob.
Adventure Time Except This One Should've Stayed Home
Finn's dazed smile is the level of happiness with life I want to be on. This thing has no idea how hard life is, probably because it hasn't seen itself in a mirror. Lucky.
The Joker That Ended Up Looking Like The Guy Who Whistles At You On Your Way To Work
Here's why this one failed: you have to be using a knife with a serrated edge. You're putting in a pedestrian effort at best if you're using a $1 Betty Croker chopping knife from the dollar store like Scott. Trust me, I know. I have the same one.
Brody Performed A Little Impromptu Rhinoplasty And Made The World Darker Because Of It
Alright Brody, if you're applying to medical school I believe that this pumpkin will firmly put that dream in the ground. The moment any school sees the love you have of avant garde rhinoplasties you can kiss your Clooney in Grey's Anatomy dreams goodbye.
This One's Called "I Got Hit By A Spooky Car"
The inspiration for this creation was probably just a bag of trash on the road. This creator stared long and hard at a decayed carton of Almond Dream and thought they could make art out of it. And we're so thankful they did.
This Cat Is Due For A Good Euthanization
The whiskers are this thing's only recognizable cat feature, but it's too bad there's about ten of them and they all look beat. I don't even want to ask what's going on at the top.
Really Just A Fantastic Child's Costume Too
Why stop at keeping the pumpkin on the porch when you can move that beauty right on up to the front of your child's closet? You spent time on it so why not have the whole family enjoy your creation? You wanna be a princess for Halloween, Sophie? That's nice, now put this gourd over your face.
Annnnd Sophie's Brother From The Underworld
It's so nice to see people getting in on the holidays as a family even if they're not related. Although these day-walkers were probably spawned out of the same Necronomicon at some point.
It's A Nintendon't From Me
So the one on the right is missing a few things. Namely, a couple of eyebrows, the "M" on the forehead, the stache, and a dislike for human blood. This thing looks like it needs about three more souls until it can complete its transformation into a real face.
Your Friendly Neighborhood Accident
Glad this person has a sense of humor about this because I don't think the pumpkin is smiling. Actually, it could be. Can't really tell too much from that gaping mouth other than this thing is due for a dental exam and a swift boot into orbit.
Why Make A VW Bus When You Can Just Make The Pumpkin Look Like It Was Hit By One?
Okay, I understand nothing except for the actual VW logo. This monstrosity has eyes, nostrils, a mouth, and some menacing eyebrows, so how exactly is this supposed to resemble a car? Maybe this is one of the new self-driving cars that can do it because it has a soul stuck inside it. Most insurance plans don't cover exorcisms though.
I Can't Make A Joke Because I Have No Idea What This Is Supposed To Be
Is this a demon with a bob? Is this the guy from The Nightmare Before Christmas? Is it the sorting hat from Harry Potter? I have so many questions and thanks to this person I won't be sleeping tonight because I'm scared my sleep paralysis demon is going to waltz into my nightmares with a Karen bob-cut.
This Pumpkin Hasn't Showered In Six Days And Calls You "Honey" When You're In Line At The Grocery Store
This looks like a deleted scene from the Blair Witch Project. This is the nasty thing that's been chilling in the basement and possessing some of photojournalism's best and brightest. Well maybe not best.
The Early Pumpkin Gets Put Up For Adoption
I've learned a thing today on top of all the other things. Thanks to this early explorer I've learned that pumpkins lose the will to live the longer they stay in this world. Actually, I already knew that because of, you know, my own life.
This Belieber Didn't Belieb In Themselves Enough
Justin was done dirty by this artisté who really put zero sweat into this. I've seen better carvings on the sides of high school desks by grade 10 students calling each other out for the lies they told about them. Don't belieb everything you hear.
My Eczema Just Flared Up For This Naked Baby
Hey naked baby, I get it. Looking at all of these I feel the same things you're feeling. But hey, at least if you wait five days out on the porch this thing will deflate and you can get out. Silver lining, kid.
