Quarantine Is Probably The Perfect Time To Break Up—Here’s How To Do It
Let me paint you a picture—you and your longtime boyfriend are barely getting along, and then you two get stuck quarantined together.
So what do you do? You're basically stuck with them 24/7, and since being with them is torture, you don't want to pretend everything is "fine," and you don't want a messy breakup. You've got to have a game plan.
That game plan is orchestrating the perfect breakup. Use this guide whether you're stuck in an apartment together or you're quarantining separately. It'll basically guarantee that you two will survive this quarantine (even if you're not together).
If You're Unhappy, Say No To Their Offer To Isolate Together
This step probably doesn't apply to a lot of people now, since we're all already in self-isolation, but just in case you're in a country that hasn't started yet, you've got to consider a couple of things. For one, how much do you really like your significant other? If it's not a lot, maybe tell them you're going to be quarantining alone.
Let Them Know You Can't Keep Faking It, Especially Now
Normally, if you're unhappy, you can ignore that by focussing on school, work, or personal goals. This time, you can't because there's none of that around.
So tell your ex that you're genuinely unhappy and you're not going to lie about it any longer—because pretending everything is okay only makes things worse (and they can definitely tell you're faking it).
Say You Want To Be Friends (And Actually Mean It)
This is the whole reason why I think quarantine is a good time to break up—you guys actually have to be civil and not just pretend. Tell your ex you respect them and you want to be friends, and chances are, they'll make an effort if they see you putting one in as well.
Use Your Wonderful Roommates As Awkwardness-Buffers
If you've got roommates during your quarantine with your (now) ex, make sure you use them. Have you ever heard of the term "meat shield"? Try to stick to common rooms or just hang out with your roommates in their rooms.
It's Not Like You Can Rebound Right Now
Since you guys are both quarantined, you can't start a messy rebound relationship that only pisses the other off beyond belief. We all know how those lead to "crazy ex" scenarios—so basically, quarantine is saving you some serious time and heartache.
Get Your Revenge Body With Them Watching
Okay, this is somewhat mean, but screw it, you dislike your ex anyway. Use your quarantine time to get absolutely shredded. I encourage you to work out all over the house shirtless and flaunting your new fitness bod.
Don't Break Up Over A Zoom Conference
Even though you're taking all your work meetings over Zoom and taking advantage of its funky backgrounds, don't do that with your breakup. I'm only putting this in here because I know someone's seriously considering it.
Try To Not Sleep In The Same Bed
I know that space is tight right now, but after you break the news, try to either move yourself or them to the couch in the living room. The last thing you want is to make this environment more complicated by sharing a bed.
Put Mirrors Around The House (There's A Psychological Reason For This One)
Apparently, mirrors in public places stop people from getting as angry at you because nobody likes to see themselves upset (this is the reason why there are a lot of mirrors behind cashiers). So, if you want your ex to simmer down, try some redecorating.
Use Your Time To Think About What You Want From The Future
I heard a good quote the other day: "Is this going to be quarantine or chrysalis?" So, take some time now that you're single before getting back into dating to figure out what you want out of a relationship that you weren't getting before.
You Literally Cannot Break Up With Them In Public
Here's reason #400 a quarantine breakup is for you—you don't have to violate the cardinal rule of not breaking up with someone in public, because you literally can't leave your house. Embarrassing public situation avoided.
"I'm Sorry" Goes A Long Way To Stopping 24/7 Arguments From Happening
The last freaking thing you want is to be screaming at each other every time you turn around—so be candid with yourself and your ex about what you've been doing wrong and what you need to apologize for. Hearing you admit that you're wrong will make them feel validated and way less angry at you.
Be Completely Honest About Why You're Done With The Relationship
You should be honest anyway, dude, you're in a relationship. But if you're trapped in the same living space, you have to be real. Sit them down, be gentle but firm, and tell them exactly why this thing hasn't been working. I promise you, lying or sugarcoating things only makes people angrier and more confused (and you don't want that).
Use The Time To Log Them Off Your Netflix
You've probably scrubbed your apartment a hundred times, so why not scrub every inch of your ex out of your life? Use your cooped-up time wisely to log them off your Netflix, settle any payments you two have together, and take steps to figure out where you're living after this.
Get A Hobby That Doesn't Involve Them
You've got the time now, so start getting into a hobby that's got nothing to do with your ex. Trust me, it's healthy, and if it's knitting, you can make yourself a sweet, sweet cozy to store your facemask in.
Make Sure They're Not Feeling Alienated
You've gotta be the bigger person in this scenario since you orchestrated this breakup, and you have to realize that quarantine is hard on anybody, whether they're in a breakup or not. Make sure your ex is talking to their parents and friends for support, and offer to split a grocery delivery with them once in a while.
Tell Them In No Uncertain Terms What's Happening After This
The last thing you want to do is get into a quarantine rut of being civil, and then after all of this, fall back into the same habits that you hated about your relationship. You have to be clear about where you're seeing the chips fall after you two can leave.
Take Advantage Of Online And Phone Therapy Helplines
Just because your regular therapist's office is closed right now, it doesn't mean you can't take care of your mental health after a breakup. See if they're offering therapy sessions by phone, or look into a variety of online live-chat/call services. Seriously, take care of yourself and know when to reach out for help that goes beyond those resources.
Set Some Boundaries—Start With The Fridge
You've gotta start breaking things off somewhere—why not start with the fridge? Be super clear about what food is yours and what's theirs. Trust me, you don't want to start a fight over who ate whose quarantine snack. That gets majorly ugly very quickly.
Even Though You're Both On Insta Constantly Now, Keep It Civil
Being "civil" during this also means being respectful to your ex online. Having a pleasant conversation in the kitchen only goes so far if you're tweeting some nasty stuff about them. Reach an agreement with them about online behavior before leaving a thirsty comment on Selena Gomez's selfie.
