Texts From Guys Trying To Get With Women That Make Me Want To Laugh And Scream
Since the beginning of the digital age, men have used text messages, dating apps, and social media DMs to make creepy, bizarre, and downright gross advances on women they are interested in.
You'd think men would have learned their lesson by now, but alas, here are messages from men making gross and weird advances over text that are simultaneously hilarious and repulsive.
Boy, Are You A Cigarette? Because I Want To Light You On Fire
I would like to send some words of wisdom to men who might be looking to make a positive impression on a romantic interest: Do not mention anything to do with your mouth near her butt in the first few messages.
It should really go without saying.
Catching A Disease Isn't "Bad Boy" Material
The "bad boy" has been a long-standing trope in the dating world, but, to the surprise of this man, does not include being "dangerous" by risking unnecessarily contracting a viral disease.
He learned something important here.
This Borders On Poetry
I believe that it was William Shakespeare who wrote, "Shall I compare thee to a Toaster Strudel?
For I would be equally attracted to you as I am to a cheap pastry."
Yes, Because Women Love Being Compared To Fish
There are many ways to swim straight to the heart of a woman, but referring to her as a "salmon" is not exactly one—even if you clarify that she's a slim, beautiful salmon.
A fish is still a fish.
Blaming Her Totally Makes Sense
Fellas, have you ever asked to go over to a girl's house, had her respectfully decline, try to go over anyway, and then blame her after you get jumped?
I surely hope not.
A Perfect Example Of What Not To Say
You should never comment on a near-stranger's body or weight, but especially if you're trying to get to know them in a romantic way.
Telling them they need to diet is borderline criminal.
I Never Want To See The Words "Milk Truck" Again
If a man ever has the audacity to even consider referring to my chest as the milk truck, I will delete his profile and block his number immediately without a second of hesitation.
Like, has this ever worked for them?
It Would Be, But Why Bring It Up?
As a general rule for dating, you hope that the person you're interested in isn't related to you. It goes without saying.
The fact that he opened up with this line is horrific.
He's The Last One I'd Want As A Gynecologist
Fellas, here is a tip to help your dating game.
If you're going to say that you should be a certain type of doctor, you should know how to spell it and what that doctor does.
This Is One Of The Worst DM Slides I've Ever Seen
Sliding into the DMs can be successful if done correctly.
However, oversharing about the death of your mother and saying that the "cure" for your depression is getting laid is not even close to being tactful.
Well, That's Somehow Worse
I'm currently thinking about how relieved this woman must have felt when he said he wasn't sending a pic and the nearly immediate devastation when she found out that what he wanted to send wasn't any better.
A video might even be worse.
This Is Oddly Specific And Undeniably Weird
I understand that different people have different preferences when it comes to bedroom activities, but there's something deeply disturbing about fantasizing about having your romantic interest read Marxist literature in bed.
That's a big red flag right there.
Her Response Is Impeccable
When you receive a gross message from a stranger on a dating app, it's hard to know how to react.
I have to commend this young lady for responding in a hilarious and clever way.
What Does He Mean By "Rat Boi"?
First of all, you would think that after sending several messages and getting no response, he would give up.
Secondly, you'd think he could come up with something more romantic than "rat boi."
Did He Really Just Do That?
It would be one thing if he sent the first message, got her feedback, and had instantly apologized, but the fact he came back to be equally as inappropriate a second time?
Electric chair.
I Am, In Fact, Not Going!
Wow.
After this very enticing and not-at-all disgusting invitation to a "barbecue," I can't imagine why this woman would even hesitate to accept this invitation from an absolute stranger on Tinder!
This Is Such A Strange Combination Of Messages
This series of text messages are so incoherently unrelated and weirdly specific in a way that makes me want to laugh and also cry.
Imagine saying all these things and not even knowing if she was single. Yuck!
Men Only Want One Thing, And It's Disgusting
Ladies, picture this: You find a cute guy on a dating app after several minutes of swiping. You match with him, hoping sparks will fly.
He is immediately uninterested when you don't own a goat.
Sir, What Demons Forced You To Send Pics Of Your Junk?
When most people refer to their demons, they're talking about their past traumas, deep insecurities, and other emotional issues they have to work through.
Being "horny and inconsiderate" just doesn't make the cut.
Some Cases Should Simply Not Be Pleaded
There are some sides of an argument that should be seen before a person makes a decision, but I can assure every man ever that this is not a topic worth trying to debate.
Don't even try.
They Might Be Right, But That's Rude
On the one hand, it's flattering to know that they were interested enough to do that deep dive on your social media.
However, we don't need to be judged for our past mistakes. We probably beat ourselves up enough that one time we went blonde.
Thank You I Think?
Complimenting a woman on her phone case could be a good move. Chances are she spent a lot of time picking it out.
It's probably not your best move for a message, though. It makes you seem weird and possibly creepy.
A Poet And They Didn't Even Know It
It's too bad they didn't send this as a voice message because it probably has a nice ring.
Too bad they'll never get past this first message. You can't trust someone who tries to make sexy rhymes.
We All Love Water, You're Not Special
I'm sure that he was trying to be cute and find common ground, but this was the most exciting thing he could come up with?
She's probably heard the Brita joke a million times over.
Yeah, It Was Your Phone
Why are do people think they can blame their phones when they send a message they regret?
Just own up to it. Or be a grown-up and block that person and hope you never have to interact again.
That's Awfully Demanding
You can't demand that someone make the first move. You can't do it in dating, and you can't do it in chess.
It has to be something that happens naturally.
They Set Themselves Up For Failure
They set themselves up for this. Surprisingly, this is the first time they got this response.
Maybe this will mean they fall in love because they've bonded over his terrible jokes.
She Does Not Look Impressed
Typing out the same message that someone didn't understand in capital letters is not going to work.
It's just going to make them annoyed that they even matched with you in the first place.
Now What Is She Going To Do?
This guy knew that that response was coming, so he set himself up for the win.
Now, what is she going to do? Agree to the date or admit that she wanted something better than bad sex?
Why Are Some People So Rude?
This person didn't even attempt to make any kind of conversation, just two letters, and a question mark.
Let's hope he feels dumb now and won't try that kind of move again.
