Times People Unwittingly Matched With Psychos On Dating Apps

The cool thing about online dating is that you can meet just about anyone around you. The terrible part is that you can meet anyone, including the weirdos. While bad vibes are easy to detect in person, it's a lot harder to figure out if the person you're talking to on Tinder is a weirdo.

These are some people who accidentally swiped right on total psychos.

Please Just Call Your Ex, Jake!

man: hey are you into roleplaying? Woman: I could be. what are you thinking? Man: well, you look a lot like my ex is would be so hot if you dressed up like her, put on her perfume, and let me beg you to take me back
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs

This man clearly has some issues to work out and definitely has no business being on Tinder. Jake, please just call your ex and try to talk things out with her.

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Has This Man Never Eaten Cereal?

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woman asks man
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble
Photo Credit: Instagram / @overheardbumble
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For the record, I would kill Toucan Sam (because birds are evil), hook up with Tony the Tiger (he has such a powerful aura!), and marry Captain Crunch (he's literally the only one with a job!).

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Not A Single Book?

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w: what's the last book you read? M: Last book? I don't think I've ever read a book. W: charming
Photo Credit: Instagram / @swipesfordaddy
Photo Credit: Instagram / @swipesfordaddy
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I can understand not being particularly inclined to read books, but there's something borderline psychopathic about how this man has never read a book. Did he not go to school?

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Chair, But Make It Electric

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man responds to girls story of her in the hospital asking what happened. After she explained that a car t boned hers, he responds
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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I really want someone to explain how a person could see a romantic interest was recently injured in a car accident and use it as an opportunity to try to get laid.

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I Cannot Stop Laughing At This

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man: your job is the fact that you're getting married? Why are you on here if you have a fiancé? Woman: Finance, like management of money. Man: you manage your husbands money? That's a man's job
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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I don't know what's funnier: the fact that this man has no idea what "finance" is or that he's so pressed about a woman managing the money in a household.

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Bro, What?

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man: checking in on your. i hope you have been good. love you. Woman: I hope all is well. I love you too. man: Didn't I cheat on you twice? love yourself
Photo Credit: Twitter / @briviciz
Photo Credit: Twitter / @briviciz
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I would be less appalled by this guy's rude response if he hadn't reached out to her first. Either way, he has far too much audacity for a man who cheats.

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How Inconvenient Of Her To Be Sad

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man hits on girl, but she's not
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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Ladies, picture this: you're in a state of emotional distress after a close friend passes away when a guy texts you because he wants to hook up. He has the nerve to be annoyed that you're sad.

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Sis, Run From There!

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I once went to a guy's house at 20-years-old who had lava lamps and spongebob sheets
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JasmineeeOk
Photo Credit: Twitter / @JasmineeeOk
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There is something deeply unnerving about an adult man still owning SpongeBob sheets and lava lamps. Even if he's not a murderer, he's still not the type of guy you want to date.

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I Think I'm Going To Throw Up

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man makes
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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This man is a total maniac for multiple reasons: firstly, who puts hotdogs and lettuce into soup? Secondly, how dare he even try to say that it tastes good? That picture is going to haunt me for years.

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PSA: Dawn Dish Soap Is Not Bodywash!

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girl showering at boy's house finds only dawn dish soap in shower
Photo Credit: TikTok / emmadeeds2319
Photo Credit: TikTok / emmadeeds2319
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I originally thought women were making an elaborate joke when they said they'd met men who used dish soap to clean themselves. I was horrified to find out that it was a reality.

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I Can't Believe He Tried To Deny It

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man hits up woman after he peed in the bed and he actively denies it
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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I don't know what level of drunk you have to be in order to pee in someone's bed, forget about it, and then adamantly deny it even after you're told it happened.

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That Is Not An Opening Line Anyone Wants To Hear

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ladies call me subway because I have low quality meat and lie about being 6 inches
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tindernightmares
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tindernightmares
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I want to know what kind of mind you need to have in order to think this up and try to use it as a pickup line. I hope this man is pleased with himself because he has officially ruined Subway for me.

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...Why Would You Share That?

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man writes: I once fingered a lobster
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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The fact that he did it is already disgusting and horrific, but it's a whole extra level of awful that he openly admits it to strangers he's trying to date.

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Isn't Getting To Know People So Fun?

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man: excuse me miss have you ever been arrested? Woman: yeah. How could you tell? M: I was going to say it's illegal to be that cute but now i'm curious. W: aggravated assault
Photo Credit: Reddit / 319ms
Photo Credit: Reddit / 319ms
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One moment, you're just trying to make a cute joke to impress a girl on Tinder and the next thing you know, you're finding out that she's prone to getting violent.

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...And That's How You Get Unmatched

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man: hola pretty girl. ready to stop your period for 9 months?
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tindernightmares
Photo Credit: Instagram / @tindernightmares
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This might be the worst thing I have ever read in my life, and I have an English degree, so that's saying something. I literally want to bleach my eyes.

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Someone Tell Jules' Wife To Come Get Her Man

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58-year-old man's tinder bio: Married but I don't have sex with my wife so looking for a gf for fun and frolics.
Photo Credit: Instagram / @swipesfordaddy
Photo Credit: Instagram / @swipesfordaddy
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An unfortunate reality is that some people use Tinder and other dating apps to cheat on their significant others, but at least most have enough shame to not share that information in their profiles.

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I Don't Want To Have Eyes Anymore

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girl: goodnight bro. boy: can it at least be step bro?
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
Photo Credit: Instagram / @sheratesdogs
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I understand that different people have their own different kinks and fetishes, and generally I will just let them be, but this one just crosses a line. The term "step bro" needs to be eliminated from the English language if we're gonna use it like this.

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You Give Someone Your Heart And They Rob You

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my ex randomly hit me up telling me she was feeling lonely and wanted some company. No lie I kinda missed her too so I told her to come through. We hang for a bit and then she went to the bathroom to
Photo Credit: Twitter / @insomniacmille1
Photo Credit: Twitter / @insomniacmille1
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For the few weeks in March where toilet paper was flying off the shelves, getting your hands on some was a bit difficult. Desperate times call for desperate measures, though.

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I Hate This So Much

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man: happy mother's day! woman: I'm not a mother lol. Man: do you want to be?
Photo Credit: Instagram / @unhinged
Photo Credit: Instagram / @unhinged
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I would like to pass an official law making it illegal to mention making children with a stranger on a dating app. The crime can be punished with jail time.

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There's No Excuse For It

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dudes love excusing their behavior by saying
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bocxtop
Photo Credit: Twitter / @bocxtop
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One time, a guy tried to justify being a jerk to me by saying that he had a bad experience in the past, which turned out to just be that a girl dumped him in the ninth grade to date his best friend. This man was 31.