Tweets That’ll Piss Off Your Ex Because There’s No Greater Pleasure
There are a few things that make you feel better after a breakup. It's friends, alcohol, ice cream, and keying your ex's car they spent more time in than with you. Instead of going to jail and being charged with property damage, channel your anger in different ways, like reading these savage tweets.
Twitter knows how to heal the mind and your heart and it's doing it by dragging your exes through absolute filth on the internet. Because why waste time getting revenge in person when you can (legally) retweet some petty stuff they'll definitely see?
Funny How That Works
Hmmm yeah, it must be a weird personality thing that says a lot about you. Like how some people say back sleepers are calm people, people who sleep around must be snakes or something.
Happy Anniversary
I'm no psychic but some spirit is telling me that this man was cheating on this girl. I'm also seeing a lot of pain, sadness, and a lengthy breakup in his future because his girlfriend is about to be told by his ex that he was two-timing them. Crystal ball, what do you say...?
Toxic Life Hacks
Okay, in the event that you're not over your ex you should definitely try this out. This is the last resort though people, you really don't want to still have feelings. If that's the case, post on their Facebook wall to really mess with their heads.
#upgrade
Now, this is an upgrade. Get you (part of) a man that won't hurt your feelings, is always in the mood when you're in the mood, and is always game to stay in when you want to. Is there a better option? Is there?
They're Nothing If Not Consistent
What a wonderful way to absolutely confirm that moving on was the best choice that you could've made. Idk if I'd call this guy an 'ex,' because he seems more like 'human trash' to me, but that's just my opinion.
Really Just Go Full Extra
"Yeah, don't worry about the heels I have a thing to go to after," you say, dressed to the nines, stuffing your shirts into a garbage bag fully only planning to go right home and eat pizza after.
Wants: Constant Attention
How do I get this tattooed on my forehead? I want this tattooed on my forehead. Constant love and affection are what I deserve even if I'm screaming and being a general petty pain who's not over their ex. I deserve it, okay? No exceptions.
The Relationship Is Over But Pettiness Never Stopped
Looks like this ex is just as petty as this person is. Maybe they'll find their way back to each other since clearly they both have compatible levels of savagery dragging each other online.
And They Wonder Why We Have Trust Issues??
What's fair is fair, okay. What people don't realize is there's a little thing called "trauma" and "distrust" that builds up after time and time again of getting your heart broken. This is why You is super popular on Netflix right now.
They'll Never Figure It Out
They literally will never know the definition of this word because they're not even speaking a language that has it in it. You'll need a 45-minute Powerpoint presentation to explain ethics and monogamy to them, and even then they'll walk away scratching their heads.
...Undeniable Proof?
That's it, the case has been solved. There's no reason for further proof because you've convinced me. I also have an ex who weirdly has the same issue... coincidence? Or a league of energy-draining demons out there?
They Stole His Heart And His Air Fryer
This is just downright horrible to do to someone. An air fryer is a superior piece of kitchen equipment and you shouldn't steal it under any circumstances. We're adults, it's not your grade 10 boyfriend's hoodie.
A 10/10 Quality Argument
This is genuinely how their heads work. They're always living in the moment acting as if they've done nothing wrong when they're still texting three other people while begging you to take them back. This is not what Drake meant when he said "YOLO."
This Is For Anyone Spending Brain Power On Exes
We're all about to be very, very rich people. Here's a business tip—you can start charging by the interaction. $50 for an Instagram like, $1000 for a text, and a cool ten grand for a phone call at 3 am begging you to come back to them.
A Brave Woman Making Sacrifices
We all give up stuff for Lent but I'm proud of this woman for going the extra mile and making Lent last 24/7, 365 days a year, and for decades. She's truly a giver and not a receiver.
...Because You Know What They Say About Small Hands
God, if only I was there to witness this because this, my friends, is the comeback of the century. These kinds of lines only come to us when we're alone in bed at night stewing and we spend the rest of the week kicking ourselves for not thinking of it sooner.
The Law Is Never On The Ex's Side
Hmmm, I wonder who was so detail-oriented, obsessed, cyber-stalkerish, and had such a problem with that content that they went through and specifically flagged all the ex's texts? Hmmm...
It's Hard Watching Them Move On From Your Spot In The Tree
God, that's really difficult I hope they're holding up. Make sure that you buy supportive ratchet straps for when you're hanging in the tree — you don't want anything snapping and letting you down like your ex did.
The Amount Of Power She Holds Is Truly Magnificent
Let's start a slow clap for this person who's completely winning the ex game. They've leveled up from the standard "make my ex fall in love with me" to "make their new significant other respect me." Truly iconic.
Good To Know There's Lasting Damage
This is just so many layers of sad. Hopefully, the relationship lasts longer than those clothes are going to because something tells me that there might be something holding him back from moving on. And it's on his body.
Without The Social Media Following And Money
I would be more pleased to be a secret contestant on The Bachelor, but I would want to be, like, compensated and build up an empire the way some of those people do.
Honestly, Good For Her
I love the dedication of self-care here. She's about to change both their lives and she wants to be a boss while doing it. Let's be real, he probably deserves it.
This Might Have Backfired
I'm sure he was trying to make a point here, but all he did was tell her that he's been carrying around her picture for a year thinking about it all the time.
That's A Little Confusing
Maybe it's time for him to reconsider what it is he thinks hurting someone means. Because to me, it sounds like he's a bit confused on the whole subject of conversation.
He's Cartoon, Literally
Literally not even being able to compare yourself to a cartoon horse should be a huge red flag that you do need to have a bit of a self-growth moment.
Can It Be Both?
I don't know the whole situation, but I'm willing to bet that the ex is shadier than the eclipse because the eclipse is just nature, they don't mean to be shady.
I Wonder If Anyone Laughed
If she got at least one laugh from the people she was telling this joke to, then it was totally worth it for the shade to the ex and for the laughs.
Amen
Obviously, no one wants anyone to die, but I'm not saying that I wouldn't go to some of my exes' funerals and feel a certain type of way while I was there.
Mom Does Know Best
If your mom is going to say no to getting back with an ex, then you know that relationship is just a no-go altogether. If your family isn't there for it, it might not be worth it.
I Don't Know Who You Are
One of the best feelings in the world is pretending that you don't know who your ex is and pretending there was a world in which you never dated them in the first place.
