Tweets About The Gym That Are Almost As Funny As Your Resolution To Go To One
Once every couple of months, those of us who are not active gym attendees will do this thing where we wake up one morning and look at ourselves in the mirror and think, 'I've got to start taking better care of myself'.
Of course, we never really go through with it. Instead, we end up with a membership we pay for and don't use and a new, special kind of self-loathing.
We're Perfect The Way We Are
People are always telling us to love ourselves, so that's what I'm gonna do from the comfort of my home eating Jalapeño Cheddar Cheetos and watching my stories on repeat.
You've Only Got Your Best Interests In Mind
There is no need to senselessly torture yourself. Trying to take good care of yourself is so much effort. It involves cooking and leaving the house to go and work out.
You Can Be Persuasive When You Want To Be
If only we could use those powers for good instead of evil. You can think of a million excuses to not go to the gym, but can't find just one good reason to go.
What Do They Want From Us?
Seems to me like I could have casually walked in front of the TV at home. I get up plenty of times to get my snacks and soda from the kitchen. If you do a squat while you sit back down it's practically the same thing.
The Gym Is Weird
There are so many weird smells and people that it might just be better for our sanity to avoid it at all costs. Who knows what's going to assault your nose while you're minding your own business.
We Get It, You Work Out
There will forever be those people at the gym who need you to know that they're at the gym working out. They're the ones who practically scream when they're lifting weights.
No One Wants To Embarrass Themselves
There should be an unwritten rule that people who are working out should not be held responsible for the things their faces do. You can only concentrate on so many things at once.
It's So Time Consuming
When you really commit to going to the gym, that eats up like at least four days out of your week. What am I supposed to do? Go to work and then the gym and then home to bed? I have much more interesting, self-destructive things to do with my time.
It's Fine To Admit You're The Weakest Link
We have to take responsibility for the fact that we are the only person standing in our way. But, nobody is as mean to me as I am to myself, so you can see the problem there.
The Audacity
I kid you not, there are people who go to the gym who think that other people there are down to make some small talk. You don't need that in your life.
Nothing Is Sacred
You probably think you get away with little things like a fart or a weird sound, but someone heard you or smelt you and you better believe they are texting someone about it.
How Do You Even Work Out?
You want to believe it's as simple as walking through the doors and taking a light jog on the treadmill, but it's not. Working out requires a lot of thinking and research and learning. Yuck.
Experience From The Sidelines
98% of the people who do physical activities will post about it on social media. So, might as well just like their posts and wish you were there just like you would a picture from a vacation or a wedding you didn't want to go to.
There Is No Such Thing As Personal Space
Every time you turn around, there is going to be someone who came out of nowhere standing exactly where you need to be and they're going to make that weird smile face every human does when they feel weird.
Something Seems Backwards
People will tell you that exercising helps you relax and it will give you more energy, but both of those things seem like the opposite of true. How am I supposed to want to do anything after sort of working out?
Sometimes Friends Want To Go Together
And honestly, that's fine if you want to spend hours on end there, but you basically just sit there and watch them do what they're going to watch you do, and not in a fun way.
At Least We've Got Our Music
But be wary of people who are exercising without listening to music or watching the TV. You don't know what their true motives are and they're clearly already on the brink of insanity.
Be Selective With Your Life Choices
Listening to a true-crime podcast while going for a jog outside is both an excellent and terrible idea. You're going to be hustling but it will be in pure fear.
It's Hard To Keep A Schedule
Other things are going to come up that are better and more interesting. Who would have thought life would come down to choosing between the gym or happy hour with your coworkers?
In The End, Look After You
Even putting in a mild effort to make good decisions for yourself is a step in the right direction. We are all capable of that if we have to be... I GUESS...
