Tweets Roasting Baby Boomers That Almost Make It Better We Can’t Afford Houses
The "boomer," aka the baby boomer generation, aka the person who probably lectured you the other day in the pharmacy for only having credit or debit. They're the ones born right after WW2 who somehow got in right when the economy was good and the Earth wasn't on fire. Oh, and they love to roast us.
These tweets absolutely dragging boomers and their close-up selfies, their love of blaming millennials, and their financial advice will leave you laughing and then probably crying. They almost make up for our debt and the wall to wall carpeting we're ripping up.
Pour One Out For Every Industry You Killed
If you're a millennial and you haven't heard about all the industries that the media thinks you killed then you have some heavy reading ahead of you. We're out here killing dead all the department stores and restaurants boomers love, and we're so, so sorry sweetie.
Only Boomers Fish Flex
Why can I hear this tweet in my head? It's my 65-year-old uncle Randy speaking to me about his last fishing trip when he went out onto the "crick" at six am to see what's biting. What's it like to have a home and a boat Rand?
RIP To Department Stores Because That's The Issue We Should Stand Up For
No, they're right. We're messing everything up because we don't like to spend an hour in a massive poorly laid out store looking for one thing. We should reevaluate our lives and then come back to the maze, oh excuse me, Macy's.
Let Me Just Ruin This Home With Wall To Wall Brown Carpeting - Every Boomer
Legend has it that if you place a boomer in a mid-century three-storey detached with cherry hardwood, it'll only take them a week to lay down some sick carpet and linoleum over the entire thing. Few have witnessed it in action, but we all see the the destruction it leaves.
No Thanks, Not Taking Health Advice From The Generation That Invented High Fructose Corn Syrup
Pretty sure boomers have no idea what a vegetable is. They've heard of creamed corn and mashed potatoes but that's about it. You gotta throw that kale in a gelatin mold for them to catch your drift.
Peace, Love, And Stop Buying Avocado Toast
How did these people go from flipping off cops and burning their bras in the 60s and 70s to telling tell me that climate change is a state of mind? I just want to know what happened so I can know what kind of Wonderbread not to eat.
*Breathes In Entitled Millenial*
We're also the most narcissistic, whiny, and addicted to technology. Well, boomers, I may be addicted to my phone but at least it's not cigarettes, whole-fat milk, and saying racial slurs.
You're Know Exactly What This Means
Emojis really do say a thousand words—they're the new pictures. Your most recent emojis tell a story about the life you've been leading, the drama that you're telling your crew, and more importantly, your generation.
Our One Millenial Friend Supports Our Internet Careers
If you don't have at least one friend who's trying to make it big as a YouTuber, live-streamer, or Instagram influencer, you may not be a millennial or a gen-z. Too bad we can never make enough money to support their Minecraft survival-mode playthroughs.
You Know The Boomer Got A Side Baked Potato Too
They literally only make these items for boomers. Who else has seen anyone younger than 50-70 eating one of these? That means they're also responsible for the "finger in the chili" hoax and we cannot forgive that. Dramatic boomers, it's just extra protein.
This Slaps Harder Than Lead Paint On Crib Bars
Listen, we can all make theories about things. I for one have a theory that all the student debt that I have can't be cured by me changing a small facet of my life, like my daily $1.50 coffee. Boomers, however, are ready to dispute that theory.
Me: "Crap" Boomer: Internally Combusts
Boomers will also yell at you if you're wearing a hat indoors, your phone is on a desk, or if you say "no problem" instead of "you're very welcome." These poor people truly have seen the darker side of life.
I Don't Take Criticism From Someone Who Responds To Spam
Honestly, we should disconnect boomer's access to the internet and all technology. If you can't use it without destroying your life then you shouldn't have it. It's like taking a toy car away from a kid who somehow uses it to set the house on fire. It just makes sense.
This Person Would Be A Millionaire By Today's Standards
RIP to my chances of ever getting out of the renting economy anytime in this life. Little do boomers know, I don't want to be locked down into the same lame neighborhood in my hometown for 30 years. Hahaha, jokes on you... I'm going to go cry now.
Here's To The Boomers Who Love Mickey Rooney In Breakfast At Tiffanys
Boomers love, and I cannot stress this enough, love to say none of our humor is funny. I'm not sure what happened but at some point we all decided that oppression isn't funny, so...
Me=Smart And Woke, Boomer=Fast Asleep
Boom, burn, roasted. This joke slaps harder than the polluted air on my tender pink lungs. Too bad this joke also burns because we're all burning because the planet is on fire. Hahahaha, thanks boomies.
Big And Mighty Till You Put 'Em In Front Of A Computer
If I have to help a boomer change a WiFi password, set up a TV, send an email, or go on a website one more time I'm going to lose my literal mind. My heart truly goes out to all these hardworking tech guys fielding the constant stream of this nonsense.
Not A Homeowner So I Can't Relate To This
It's almost as if I was there. If it wasn't for the excellent photo-journalism of these boomers I would've been totally lost about the earthquake that just happened. How is the inground pool though? Were there big ripples?
*Denies Climate Change When It's Convenient*
This one is the perfect example of boomer mental gymnastics. We're going to give this dad tens across the board for his work on the "I like global warming, it's too dang cold in the winter" floor.
Don't Go To Boomer Facebook Unless You Want To Give Yourself Ulcers
I appreciate the fact these boomers aren't clogging tech support channels with these incredibly hard-hitting questions. I'm also glad nobody's told them that this is no way to solve the issues this one guy is having, because this is quality entertainment.
