Tweets Roasting Every College Major If You’re Looking To Really Wallow In Misery
Thanksgiving's coming up and you know that you're going to be sitting around the dinner table fielding questions from your Aunts about what exactly you're doing and trying to tune out your cousins from humble bragging too much about their placements building rocket-ships for mice in Uruguay. You're stressed, you're anxious, and Twitter is here to provide some healing for your soul. Kind of.
Here are some tweets that are equal parts self-deprecating and a big old pot of flaming roast. It's the seventh circle of doubting yourself in college, so grab some ointment because everyone's getting burned.
Just Like, Think Your Way Out Of The Cold Dude
Just like take a second and calm down, then study for your midterm and you'll feel better. If you can't fix it by going back into your notes with a highlighter and your queue cards, then it really wasn't meant to be.
Communication Majors Just Want To Bare Their Souls
Communication majors are the type to sit you down and have a long conversation with you about the tumblr stuff you've been reblogging lately. I know that everyone can like different things, but reblogging six posts of grumpy cat is alarming and deserves a line of questioning.
That Is The Question
Theater majors are out here holding skulls and seeing ghosts, so what did you expect? When there's politics involved and your Uncle is crazy it's bound to give you a couple of existential hangups.
Gotta Book A Room To Bash My Head Against A Keyboard In
If you're going to study Beethoven all day long listening to the world's longest and most intense piano solos, you're going to feel the urge to have a minor public freakout. Just a minor one. One that you can book a practice room for.
*Plays LoFi Emily Dickinson Rap*
English majors will take every opportunity to let you know that they read and it's a full lifestyle choice. If you really want to hang with the Dickinson gang, you have to at least have an arsenal of angsty quotes littered across your Instagram captions that you can pick and choose from for talking points.
It's Hard Being Like, So Knowledgable
It's hard being the supreme expert on a general idea of what was going on in a time and place in that small village town where they invented the wheel long ago, but hey, someone's got to do it. You bet they're hitting you with the "fun facts" after too that aren't really all that fun.
For Those Of You Double Majoring In Hydroflask And Annoying The Crap Out Of Us
Hydroflask majors are completely fine with derailing everyone's train of thought with their bougie water bottle symphonies, but we're not. Nobody's jealous of your steel water bottle that you can't even clean the bottom of and you probably didn't even buy a brush to reach.
Philosophy Majors The Type To Ghost You For Nietzsche
Philosophy majors will also show up to the social event dressed completely in black, order an IPA, and tell you that they think that modern Danny Boyle films "have lost their edge." They're walking, talking, existential crises and you just have to let them pass.
*Buys A Pair Of Leggings From Your Aunt*
This is probably pretty accurate since some of these pyramid schemes are out here looking like they've had about as much effort put into them as if they were a last-minute after-class project by some stressed-out business major. When it's 4 am in the library, stockpiled leggings in a suburban Utah mom's garage sound like a good idea.
Nothing Like A Little Emotional Discord To Nail Those Spins
It's bound to happen if you spend most of your class time staring at yourself in a mirror. You're going to get slightly insecure about where you see yourself in five years, especially if you step on your own foot during the fearsome jazz-square.
IR Majors The Type To Sit You Down And Explain The Situation Overseas At Breakfast
International relations will also help you really grasp the important balance of tariffs and trade and they'll do it all with six graphs, a laser pointer, and completely in the middle of the party. Can you stop playing ping pong for a second? This is about how the mango trade strengthens ally bonds.
Some Cinematic Shade Was Thrown
Shots have been fired, but film majors will be quick to point out that they only do nothing because today's cinema is bathed in themes of void, darkness, and blankness. Duh.
Psych Majors Gotta Squeeze Time In To Ask Themselves How We're Doing
Psych majors are out here deep breathing, lighting a scented soy candle called "Relax," and journaling to help themselves work through whatever they're going through. We're happy for them and their mental health journey because someone's got to be stable around here.
Comm Majors And Words Like, Go Together
Just realizing now that communication majors are the only people talking to me and they're doing it for extra credit. We're their obligatory "so how are you" quota for the day and it's the therapy session we needed.
Sculpting The Youth
There's a lot resting on the shoulders of every education major. They're trying to get through to these kids while never actually interacting with them. But, in theory, they're doing great and coaching after-school sports teams while they're at it.
Brb While I Question "Everything"
Do you even have an essay due if you don't acknowledge its existence? When the professor hands out the assignment description just yell "I THINK THEREFORE I AM" and then cover your eyes so you don't see the paper. You'll never have to hand it in if it's an existential void.
A Listicle To Get You Through Undergrad
Journalism majors are the only ones who know what type of bread matches your zodiac sign, and honestly, I'm glad they told me. I got seeded rye and I'm embarrassed and owe everyone in my life an apology text.
Poli Sci Majors Will @ You If You Take John Locke's Name In Vain
If you ever wanted to clear an entire evening of plans for yourself and not be subjected to speaking to anyone, just mention having a firm political stance on any issue to a poli-sci major. They'll sit you down and explain the nuances you clearly missed and where they see your favorite political party heading in ten years if they keep this up.
Thinking: Only When Jane Eyre Needs You To
Let's not forget that they also have Feelings, Emotions, and Movements I've Been Grappling With due that same day too. It's a huge workload for one day, but I Think they can pull it off.
Kinda Depending On These Soc Majors Lowkey
No pressure, but major pressure. They're the only ones who can right all these wrongs because none of us know society like they do. They've read the slides, seen the slides, and watched social experiment pranks on YouTube in between true-crime documentaries. They know.
