Tweets That Are Too Relatable If You Love To Stalk Your Crush Online
Stalking someone was such hard work back in the day: you'd have to physically follow them around just to get any information on them. In contrast, the world of social media has made it super easy to lurk online and see what people are doing—with the bonus that it's completely legal.
Naturally, we use this power to stalk our romantic interests—and if you say you don't do it, you're lying.
Stalking Your Ex And His New Girl Is Essential
Am I entirely over my ex without even a hint of desire to get back together? Yes. Do I still stalk him and his new love interests to reaffirm that I am still prettier and cooler than them? Yes.
I Am Looking For One Specific Viewer
Posting a story simply because you want one person to see it is the modern-day equivalent of Gatsby throwing elaborate parties every weekend in the hope that one specific girl would show up.
I Never Learn My Lessons
It doesn't matter how many times lurking someone reveals information that absolutely ruins my mood—I will not stop doing it. I always try again with a naïve hope that it will be different this time, and I am always wrong.
This Is A Team Effort
There are at least 20 people that I follow on Instagram because they had private accounts and my friends needed insider intel on their relationship status or who a random girl was without personally seeming crazy.
*Sweats In Trying Not To Seem Insane*
Sometimes I'll be in a conversation with a guy, and I'll have to seriously try and figure out whether he told me about the triathlon he ran last summer or if I just have stalked his Instagram too much.
I Miss The Following Tab So Badly
Was it unhealthy that I used to religiously scroll through the "following" tab on Instagram to see which models and local influencers my crush was following and liking pics from? Maybe, but I still want it back.
Per My Report, He Was Last On His Phone 32 Minutes Ago
I don't think a lot of men realize the lengths a woman will go to in order to see if you're ignoring her. I'm looking at your Snapmap, Instagram activity, Facebook Messenger status, and checking to see if your Snap score has increased.
First Of All, How Dare You?
Are we dating? Technically no, but I have already planned out our whole future together including our wedding, so it's disrespectful to see you liking Alanna's booty pic at 11:08 p.m.
Sometimes, We Almost Expose Ourselves
I once thought that my boyfriend was cheating so I added my fingerprint to his phone so I could unlock all of his passwords for his apps, and when he saw my fingerprint I was almost caught being insane (he wasn't cheating on me by the way).
You Switch Apps And Suddenly The Truth Comes Out
You might think you know someone just because you've been aggressively looking over their Instagram, but their Twitter can reveal a whole different set of content that will inevitably hurt your feelings!
You Rationalize In Irrational Ways
If he's YOUR man with no romantic interest in ME at all and a tendency to avoid me in all social situations, why does HE watch all of MY Instagram stories?
Sometimes It's Not Even Social Media Stalking
We truly live in an information age where we have so much access to the data of the people close to us, so I KNOW YOU'RE HOOKING UP WITH THAT CAPRICORN STEVEN YOU JERK.
I Miss The Chaos Of Snapchat Best Friends
If you're newer to Snapchat, you probably weren't on the app when your top three best friends were available for everyone to see. I saw relationships end over those lists.
I Don't Want My Friends To Stalk Him And See Him
As much as I love to stalk my romantic interests, I hate when my friends ask to do the same because I already know they're going to look at his profile and question my taste.
You Can't Pull A Fast One On Me!
Men: when it comes to your online activity, you cannot lie to us. We have been watching what you're up to and how much your snap score is increasing on a regular basis.
You Don't Know What Lengths We'll Go To
One time, I told my friends that I was going on a date with a guy. All I gave them was his first name, age, and what he studied in college, and they were showing me photos of his parents within 10 minutes.
I'll Admit, We Sometimes Jump To Conclusions
The thing about having all this information available is that it sometimes leads us to make assumptions and draw conclusions a little too early and our crazy starts showing in full color.
We Hit Road Blocks On Occasion
First of all: if you aren't stalking your man on Venmo, you are missing out on a wealth of information. Second of all: there's nothing like a good stalking session to remind you that this guy does not care about you.
I Honestly Would Be Better Off If I Stopped
I have often thought about how much more peaceful I would be if I didn't constantly stalk my romantic interests, but every attempt to quit has failed. I guess this is the life I was meant to lead.
After All, There Are Too Many Advantages
While aggressively stalking someone online might lead to information that hurts your feelings, you can also figure out if someone is doing you dirty and dodge a bullet in the long run. The pros outweigh the cons.
