Are There Times When It’s Actually Okay To Ghost? Here’s What I Think
Oh, ghosting: it's one of the most common topics in the modern dating world, with lots of people doing it, people being on the receiving end of it, and many people getting frustrated by the practice.
Sure, we can say that being ghosted can be uncomfortable and frustrating, but is ghosting ever justified?
Just To Get Everyone Up To Speed...
Ghosting is a dating practice where someone will suddenly just cut off all contact—that is, stop responding to all calls, texts, or DMs—with a romantic interest without any warning.
Of course, ghosting can happen in other situations as well, such as a friend or professional connection going silent, but for the intents and purposes of this article, we're going to focus on ghosting in a romantic situation.
Being Ghosted Isn't Exactly A Pleasant Experience
Getting ghosted, beyond the initial rejection, can be really difficult to deal with. Unlike formal discussions where someone tells you what went wrong or what their emotional state is, you're left with a lot of questions. And you're often left a little hopeful that a response will eventually come. There's no real closure, so you're left to wonder what went wrong or why they decided to ghost.
Some Would Argue That Ghosting Should Never Happen
In a perfect world where people were good at communicating honestly about how they were feeling, ghosting would likely cease to occur at all. Some people argue that you should be a little braver, and, despite how uncomfortable it can be, simply say exactly how you feel to someone. However, I feel like sometimes there's actually a bit of leeway where ghosting is okay.
It's Okay: You've Only Seen Each Other Once Or Twice
If you've gone on a few dates with someone and you're not feeling it at all, I feel like, if you would be uncomfortable telling them upfront that you're not interested, that you should get the green light to ghost. It's not like you've really made any commitments to each other, and they likely aren't all that invested in you, so it's fine to simply disappear.
Not Okay: You've Been Seeing Each Other Regularly
If you've gone on several dates, been texting or talking on a daily basis, and have given no real signs that you're uninterested yet, you should not ghost. At that point, I think the other person deserves to know why you suddenly seemed to change your mind about them or if they did something that bothered you so that they can have closure on the issue and maybe learn to behave better with future romantic interests.
It's Okay: You Find Out They've Been Lying To You
Let's say, for example, that you start dating someone new, traverse deep into the "get to know you" stage, and then you find out that they've been lying about something significant—they're cheating on a partner or aren't exactly the person they've told you they are. I believe, in situations like these where you've clearly been disrespected, that it's okay to go ghost on them.
Not Okay: They're Socially Connected To You In Some Sort Of Way
It's one thing to ghost a person who you met through a dating app and who has no connection to your life, but it's another to ghost someone who is connected to your social circle either directly or indirectly. For example, say a mutual friend sets you two up: it reflects badly on you and the friend, not to mention that there's a chance you'll have to see them again in the future.
It's Okay: You're Afraid Of Their Reaction
I'm not going to lie: there have been a few times where I have had to ghost romantic interests because I was genuinely afraid of how they'd react to me telling them I wanted to stop seeing them.
For example, there was a time where I had to cut things off with a guy who had a volatile temper. I had tried to hint that I didn't see things going further previously, but he always got angry when I did. For my own safety, I cut him off and blocked him from contacting me again.
Of Course, A Lot Falls Into A Gray Area
Ghosting, just like most things in life, isn't always black and white: there are shades of gray in there for whether or not it's appropriate to do it or not. My advice if you're thinking about ghosting is to ask yourself a few questions: how will this realistically impact the other person? Am I just doing this because I'm lazy? Is ghosting really the best option?
If you really come to the conclusion that ghosting might be the most mutually painless way to go about things, I think that it might be a good idea.
At The End Of The Day, It's Up To You
Of course, there are no hard and fast rules about what's okay to do in the dating world and what isn't. You're ultimately allowed to choose how you end things with a romantic interest. However, just like we were taught in kindergarten, I suggest that you always try to treat others the way you would want to be treated, and, if you would hate to be ghosted under any circumstances, you probably should afford your partners the respect of a direct rejection.
