Can Someone Really Love You And Still Cheat On You? Here’s Why I Say Yes
Love is a funny thing. They say the line between love and hate is quite fragile, and it's often the people we loved the most who we end up hating the most once they hurt us.
One of the worst ways they can hurt us is by cheating. Cheating is not only the biggest betrayal of trust, but often it causes us to question if our relationship was ever real, and if there's maybe something wrong with us. I say no, it has nothing to do with their love, and here's why.
Anyone Is Capable Of Cheating
We tend to assume that only heartless, toxic people would be capable of cheating. The truth is, we're all capable of it. You don't expect it'll happen to you, then one day the worst happens and they admit that they had one too many drinks and got caught up in the moment.
They may truly regret it and want to work through it.
They're Not Able To Let You Go
He might not be satisfied in your relationship together but still isn't able to let you go.
Maybe you have too much history, or your lives are too intertwined to separate at this point, so she stays just for the sake of it with one foot in and one foot out.
They Want The Best Of Both Worlds
It could be that they are quite happy with you, but also can't resist the temptation of seeing what else is out there. They don't want to actually lose you to find out, they just want a taste of both.
This is quite selfish, but it is not reflective in any way of the strength of the relationship you share.
Men Separate Physical And Emotional Connections
I'm not making excuses for cheating, but they do say that men are able to separate their physical actions from their emotions.
You may be the one in their heart and on their mind, even when they're sleeping with someone else.
They Figure That It's A Phase
Some people don't actually want the relationship to end, even if they don't want their affair to either.
They're waiting on some moment when they suddenly won't feel a need for it, or it'll just fizzle out without them having to work through it. Then they can come back to you as if nothing happened.
It Usually Has Nothing To Do With You
Listen to me when I say that cheating has nothing to do with feelings or shortcomings on your end. It is never due to you falling short on expectations or failing to fill their needs.
It's not because you're not enough, or that they don't love you enough. It has everything to do with them, and not with you.
It's All About Their Own Insecurities
Cheating usually comes down to the cheater's insecurities. Either they feed off others' praise and need the ego boost for validation, or they're scared of abandonment.
Maybe they've been cheated on before. Whatever the issue, it's usually one they're not actively working on, which is why they say "once a cheater, always a cheater."
There's A Void Even You Can't Fill
Cheaters are looking for an outside fix for something that can only be addressed from within.
Basically, they don't know how to make themselves happy and are looking for somebody else to, except that's not possible. They need to find their own purpose.
It's A Form Of Narcissism
Cheaters are often narcissistic and can't think beyond their own needs, even if it's at your expense. In fact, they figure they can just manipulate the situation in their favor and be able to get away with it.
Don't forget that cheating can be a part of emotional manipulation, especially if it's repetitive.
There's A Biological Push
Studies show that human beings are biologically driven to form romantic and sexual connections with other humans.
They say that this is the number one reason why people cheat in relationships. It might even be why most animals aren't monogamous.
There Are Types Of Drives
There are three types of drives that lead us to experience some kind of feeling of love. The first is sex drive, which is based on attraction. Then it's the drive toward romantic love, and the reason we latch onto just one person.
Then comes the drive toward attachment, which is why people get married and have babies.
We Can Love More Than One Person At The Same Time
People are capable of loving more than one person at a time and that's often why people cheat.
I'm not saying that makes it ethically okay, but it's the reason why people sometimes can't help or understand why they feel so attached to two people at once and can't let either one of them go.
Dopamine Is Addictive
There was a study in 2010 that looked at almost 200 volunteers' dopamine receptor genes, which control pleasure in the brain. They found that 50% of participants with the gene had cheated on their partner.
These people were described as risk-takers and often cheat to chase the adrenaline rush that releases dopamine, "the happy drug."
They Can Love You Without Being In Love
It's sad to admit but people fall in and out of love with no way to predict it or change it. They might still love and care about you very much, but just don't know how to get that feeling back.
They could even be waiting for it to come back or hoping that being with someone else will remind them of how much they love you.
Blame Their Commitment Issues
Cheating can be their form of self-sabotage when something good comes along because of their commitment issues.
The more real the relationship becomes, the more scared they get and start to push you away or want to destroy your relationship so that they don't have to deal with it getting even more serious and still failing.
They Wanted To Hurt You First
It's a way of gaining power or control, but often cheating is just a way to hurt you first so that you could never hurt them.
Ironically, by doing this, they end up hurting themselves too, and are instantly filled with regret.
