He Doesn’t Have To Be “The One,” And Other Things To Know About Dating In Your 40s
Dating at any age can be overwhelming, especially if you're coming out of a marriage or a long term relationship and you've been out of the dating game for a while. Dating in your twenties was probably a little messy, and if you were dating in your thirties it might have got a little better, but what about in your forties?
If you're dating in your forties and it's new to you, everything is going to feel different. But there are a couple of important things to keep in mind that can help you along the way.
The Dating Scene May Have Changed Since You Were Last On The Market
If you're a recent divorcee or someone getting out of a long term relationship, chances are the dating scene has changed a little since you were last looking. It may take you a while to find your footing and figure out the dating landscape of the 21st century, and that's okay.
You Have Less Patience For BS
Unfortunately, just because you're dating as a real established adult doesn't mean that everyone is always going to act mature. While some men might still be acting like they're in their twenties, you're surer of what you want, which means you won't be willing to suffer as much as you used to.
You Trust Your Instincts
You've been around the block once or twice, you've had your heart broken, you've dated guys you now realize were terrible choices for you, and now you're confident in what you want. When dating someone new, you're going to trust yourself more than you might have in previous years.
Relationships Become More Serious More Quickly
Since you're both at a later stage in your life and you both have a better understanding of what you want or need from a partner, relationships will likely progress quicker. There's no need to beat around the bush if you both know what you want.
Your Dating Profile Will Be More Truthful
If you choose to go with online dating, chances are your dating profile is going to be a little more honest than if you were in your twenties. You're going to list things that you're actually interested in and pick photos that represent who you really are, because you realize that if you're not honest you're not going to find the right person.
You Know You Have To Lower Your Standards
No, we're not saying you need to settle because your life is over at forty, but you will realize that you need to lower your standards in terms of what you're looking for. You understand that the "perfect man" who ticks every box on your list probably doesn't exist, but you can still find someone who's perfect for you.
You Have Less Time For Your Partner
And they might have less time for you as well. For instance, if you both have children and are navigating a schedule with an ex-spouse, you might agree to only see each other on weeks/weekends that you're kid-free. You both have your own priorities and schedule, and you have to figure out how to date your partner around that.
Your Dating Pool Is A Little Smaller
Obviously, when you were in your twenties or even your thirties there were plenty of eligible bachelors for you to sift through, but you'll find that your choices are a little more limited this time around.
It's Hard To Know Where To Find Anyone
The dating pool is smaller, but it's still possible to find your next partner as long as you figure out where you need to look. Whether you go the online dating route, or maybe you ask your friends to set you up with that recently single coworker they always talk about. Remember, dating is like networking, you have to rely on who you know already!
You Might Have to Navigate Ex-Spouse Relationships
One major way that dating differs once you're in your 40s is that more of the dating pool may have ex-spouses and are looking for relationships after getting divorced, so you will have to deal with navigating relationships with their former partners.
Children, Yours or Theirs, Might Be Involved
Just like there might be ex-spouses involved in your relationship, there could also be children involved, which can get tricky. Whether it's your children or theirs, the most important thing is to not introduce anyone before you're sure that it's something serious.
Deal Breakers Matter More
When you were in your twenties or even your thirties, if someone didn't have the exact same values or goals as you it wasn't that big of a deal. Now that you're a little older though, you're not necessarily willing to compromise on things you might've been a decade ago.
Your Idea Of The Perfect Date Might Have Changed
If you just got out of a longterm relationship or a long marriage, you might not know where to go on a date, but you definitely know that you don't want to go out for drinks at 11 pm at a loud bar. Figuring out more appropriate/comfortable dating scenarios can be a struggle, but just think about what you enjoy doing normally and then figure out how to work someone else into that!
You Care Less About Looks
Who doesn't want a handsome man right? You'd be lying if you said you didn't want to date someone with dashing looks, but what you're attracted to could shift over time. Sure, it's nice if he has a full head of hair and perfect arms, but if he makes you happy, you can pretend you don't notice the receding hairline and borderline dad bod.
You Have To Remind Yourself He Doesn't Need To Be The One
Whether you're coming out of a 10-year marriage or a 2-year relationship, it's important to remind yourself that not every relationship needs to be the one. Dating with a purpose is one thing, but don't be so quick to rule someone out simply because they might not immediately tick all your boxes.
You Priorities For What You Want In A Relationship Might Change
You're probably not looking for your first-ever relationship, so you now have a better idea of what you want from your future partner, and it might be totally different than what you were looking for 10 years ago. Maybe you're looking for someone you only see a couple of times a month as a companion, or you're looking for a full-on move-in ready relationship. As long as you're confident about what you want, you'll find it.
You Don't Need To Jump Into Something Because You Feel Like You Should
Even if everyone around you is telling you to date or trying to set you up with their brother's sister-in-law's cousin, you have to go at your own pace. You're the one that sets the timeline and in order for your relationship to actually succeed — you have to be ready for it.
You Understand That Communication Is Key, But Doesn't Need To Be A Constant
While you need to communicate with your partner, you also understand that you're both living your own lives and you care a little less about whether or not he answers your texts right away. You have your own things to do, you don't need to be checking your phone all the time.
Age Really Is Just A Number
Regardless of what anyone else is saying, your age doesn't really matter. It's not the time for you to go out to pasture, now is your time to have fun and find the next person for you to share your life with.
The Most Important Thing Is To Enjoy Yourself
It's a cliche, but when it comes to dating, really one of the most important things you can remember is to have fun and enjoy the experience. Dating can be stressful and anxiety-inducing, but you can also learn something about yourself and potentially find your next partner.
