Don’t Get Back With Your Ex Without Asking These Questions
Getting back with your ex isn't always the best idea. There's a reason you two ended things, so you should tread softly when considering bringing this person back into your life.
Before you end up in the same situation, don't forget to ask yourself these key questions. Your answers could determine a lot.
Does This Person Make You Better?
If this person only made you bitter and not better, you need to ask if that's worth diving back into. We can see you wanting to reunite because he or she made you better, but no way if not.
Can You Two Rationally Talk About The Past?
Discussing where things went wrong is vital, but you have to do it civilly, or else. If you can't see that happening, then you need to reconsider things for a while.
Are You Resentful?
You mustn't deny any resentment you might have. If you haven't gotten over that feeling inside of you, then you need to deal with that before you go any further with your ex.
Why Do You Want This?
Why do you even want to get back together? If it has to deal with loneliness, then that's something everyone experiences at some point. Few things make this a great idea.
Can You Continue Without Rehashing The Past?
Rehashing the past goes hand-in-hand with being resentful. That's why it's vital you two deal with any harbored feelings and thoughts before getting too involved. It won't work if one of you still holds a grudge.
Is It Worth A Repeat?
Think about how you felt in the period leading up the breakup and after it; do you want to potentially go through that again? Ask if it's worth the headaches and heartache.
If You Had To, Could You Give It Your All?
You and your ex have to answer this question before you two escalate things. Sometimes, giving it your all doesn't mean giving it absolutely everything, but more than you did last time. Are you ready to sacrifice more?
Will You Be Able To Talk Things Out This Time?
In many cases, healthy relationships run on great communication. A meaningful discussion can solve a lot of problems if you work at it, but will you quit before you get to that point?
Do You Have Realistic Expectations?
Going in thinking things will magically be better than they were last time is a mistake. See if you can set realistic expectations, such as knowing it might take some time to get back to how it was.
Are You Ready For The Future?
What would be the point of getting back together if you weren't in it for the long haul? Is that something you want to take on right now or not?
Will Your Parents Understand?
Will your family members give you the third degree if you want to get back with an ex? Do you feel like answering all the questions your mom will ask you?
Why Did You Break Up?
This might be an obvious question, but some forget about it. If the reason is something you know is beyond repair, then you shouldn't even bother with this second try at all.
Are You Able To Forgive?
Maybe he cheated on you with your cousin. Is that something you can forgive right now, or do you need time to deal with that? Bringing in extra baggage doesn't help.
Can You Compromise?
Compromising is almost mandatory at this stage. Someone will need to give up something so that this can work, and it might be you. It would be best if you figured you this out early.
Did You Reach Any Goals During The Break?
There's always something to achieve during a break, whether it's tangible or not. For instance, you might have wanted to work on your patience, so do you think you honed it enough?
Have You Changed?
If you haven't learned anything from the last time you were together and used it to make yourself better, then you can forget about it. What's the point of trying again if you're going to repeat the same pattern?
Has The Other Person Changed?
If it was your former partner who needed to change, then find out right away if he has. You're shooting yourself in the foot if he's still up to his tricks.
Talk To Someone Who Has Had Success
Here's a cheat code for you. Instead of asking yourself all of these questions, you can ask someone you know that has had success with this situation. They can provide some sound advice.
Has Enough Time Passed?
Have only three weeks gone by, and now you feel compelled to ask this person to come back into your life? That's not going to work. Make sure you have a clear mind and that you aren't making decisions based on impulse.
Does This Person Fit In Your Future?
Can you honestly see this person fitting into your future? If yes, then maybe you stand a chance, but if not, reconsider. Maybe she has plans to head to New York but you want to go overseas in two years. Aspirations don't always align.
Are You Sure You're Not Romanticizing The Past?
It can be easy when you're thinking about getting back with an ex to only see the good things that happened between the two of you and not remember that things weren't good all the time.
Can You Forgive This Person If They Did Something Bad?
You have to really consider if you can forgive them if they did something like lie to you or cheat on you. Those things can be hard to really let go of.
Are Your Friends Going To Approve?
Your friends and family are a huge part of your life, so it's worth thinking about whether or not they are going to approve of you both getting back together. Will it create any issues in other relationships you value?
Are You Repeating Any Bad Patterns?
Think about if you're recognizing any patterns you've been repeating in your life, not just in this relationship, but in your life in general. Are you making similar mistakes?
Do You Have Anything You Need To Say Still About The Breakup?
Are there things you have left unsaid when you had your talks about breaking up? Get everything you need to off your chest and see where you stand with one another.
Have You Apologized For Anything You Need To Apologize For?
Have you done anything that you should be saying sorry for? It takes two to tango, and if you had a breakup, then you know that it was both of you that were involved.
What's Going To Be Different This Time?
Be honest with yourself and with the person you're thinking of getting back together with because you need to talk about what needs to be different this time and if that's achievable.
What Did You Actually Miss When You Were Broken Up?
If you're honest with yourself, what was it you missed while you were broken up? Was it just being in a relationship in general, or was it being in a relationship with that person?
Have Either Of You Been With Anyone Since Breaking Up?
Have either of you involved any new people in your life that might need to be told how you're feeling? Is this something you need to share with the person you're thinking of getting back together with?
Do You Trust Them?
The most important thing in a relationship is trust, and you have to be sure that you have it with someone before you even consider getting back together with them.
