Habits That Make You A Target For Toxic People
There are things that you do that play a role in why you keep attracting toxic people. Some are things you can work on, but most are just due to your genuine and loving nature that some people can take advantage of.
If you feel like you keep being the target of toxic people, see if you maybe you match any of these habits.
You Like To Feel Needed
This is a common trait that basically means that a person's sense of significance is rooted in feeling like they serve a cause that is bigger than themselves, even if it's just for another person.
It gives them a sense of purpose. However, there are some people who can't be helped and have to want to help themselves first, otherwise, it becomes toxic.
You Don't Listen To Your Gut
Always listen to your gut. Because when you're clouded with feelings of love and attachment, you won't let yourself think logically about how a person's behavior is affecting you. If your gut says something is off, prioritize those thoughts over how the person makes you feel.
You Give Too Many Chances
You tend to forgive and forget. You do this either because you love them or because they're so good at apologizing that they really manage to convince you every time that things are going to change.
Maybe things even do change for a bit of time. However, you need to be comfortable setting boundaries and enforcing them for your own sake when it gets to a point where enough is enough.
You Turn A Blind Eye To Red Flags
You want to see the good in people, you want to believe that instances of toxic behavior are just "one-time things" and that they "didn't mean it." You just want it to work out. However, red flags get worse, not better. And the more you let them get away with things, the more they'll think they can get away with them.
You Live In The Past
People tend to present their best selves in the beginning and only show toxic traits when they get comfortable. You might then hold onto the image of who you thought they were, who you want them to be, or who they presented themselves as, even though it clearly doesn't align with who they turn out to truly be.
You Think It's All You Deserve
When someone supposedly loves you and cares about you but doesn't treat you right, it's easy to feel like it's maybe because that's all you deserve. This is especially common because toxic behavior tends to manifest gradually, so you slowly get accustomed to it.
Always know your worth so that you can expect nothing less than what you deserve.
You're Very "Available"
Although this shouldn't be a bad thing, sometimes, when a person learns that you respond quickly no matter what and that they can see you on their schedule, they start to expect it and take advantage of it. All of a sudden, you're running on their schedule and always waiting on them.
You Give And You Give And You Give...
You just can't help yourself—when you love someone, you just want to keep on giving. However, a person can then grow codependent and expect you to keep on giving even when you have nothing left to give, without returning the favor.
You're Passive-Aggressive
This is an issue of communication. If a person doesn't know why you're upset, they're going to be confused if you start acting on it in passive-aggressive ways rather than expressing the root of the issue. Worse, they'll continue unwittingly doing whatever it is that's bothering you.
You Tend To Project Your Insecurities
It's easy to fall into self-doubt and feel like the reason the other person is wronging you is all your fault, or that it's because of the baggage that you carry. You can convince yourself that everyone has flaws just like you do, so why should you expect anything different?
However, as much as everyone has their flaws, it's all about how you manage them and what you chose to do about them. It's not an excuse to treat others badly.
You'd Rather Have Someone Than Be Alone
Once you get attached to someone, it's easier to feel like it's better to have them around and put up with their behavior rather than to lose them completely and have to be alone or start over. Don't get comfortable in something unhealthy when there's something way better out there.
You Don't Like To Be The One To Give Up
You like to see things through till the end, and you never give up on those you love. That sounds nice and romantic and all, but it can also get quite unhealthy. There is a point where you have to give up because if the other person isn't meeting you halfway, then nothing will really change.
You're Afraid Of The Unknown
Part of the reason we hold onto the people who are bad for us is that we get so used to their presence and our routine that we become afraid of life without them. However, even though you can't remember what life felt like without them, you were happy before them and you'll be happy again when you cut them off.
Once you lose that fear of the unknown, you become more confident in the decisions you make and the people you keep in your future.
You Keep On Blaming Yourself
You're too harsh on yourself. You always feel like you could do things better, so whenever something goes wrong, the first person you blame is yourself. Once a toxic person realizes you do this, they will never take accountability for anything, even when they're in the wrong.
You're A People-Pleaser
The term "people-pleaser" tends to have a negative connotation, but really, a people-pleaser is just a selfless person who puts everyone else first and wants to see people happy. However, there is a healthy balance to it, where you can still be kind-hearted but also see that you deserve to do what's best for yourself sometimes.
You're Afraid Of Confrontation
It's not easy to outright tell someone why you think they're in the wrong. It takes a certain amount of courage to risk a bad reaction or misunderstanding if you say it the wrong way. However, you are entitled to feel upset and have every right to bring that to the attention of the other person. In fact, telling them is the only way anything is going to change.
You Can't Help But Be A Fixer
When something is broken, your impulse is to go and fix it, same with people. Chances are you're actually really good at helping people heal, and they tend to come to you first.
However, as hard as it is to accept, some things just can't be fixed, especially for people who don't want to do the work themselves and expect you somehow to carry all their burdens.
You're Empathetic To A Fault
Your heart is so kind and you've been through enough yourself that it's easy for you to be able to put yourself in someone's shoes and understand why they're acting the way they are—even if it's toxic.
Yes, no one is 100% evil, but they do have to learn how to take accountability and that they are in control of their actions. No matter how much you want to justify them, you're not helping them or yourself.
You Are Loyal To Those You Care About
You are so loyal that even when you're not being treated the way that you deserve, you stay hopeful that somehow this was the last time this person you care about will disappoint you.
You need to be loyal to yourself, your standards, your values, and your needs above anyone else's.
You Have A Lot Of Love To Give
Unfortunately, a lot of the time, it's the people who have the most love to give that develop habits that make it easy for others to take advantage of them. They know they'll be able to find forgiveness in your kind heart and that they can always count on you, so they push your boundaries.
Make sure that you uphold your standards and don't let them push you around, because you deserve someone who will give you just as much love back.
You're Easygoing
Usually, this is a good trait to have. It means that you don't get caught up on the little things and that even if initially bothered, you let go quickly enough.
However, this means that you often skip on standing up for yourself and let people get away with wronging you. This makes them think it's okay and encourages repeated bad behavior.
You Have A Curiosity You Can't Shake
When you meet someone who exhibits toxic or even psychopathic behaviors, you can't help but want to know more. You believe that there's a reason people are the way they are and you believe in change.
You think maybe this person is misunderstood because you tend to see the best in people as well as parts of them that others would often dismiss.
You're Thriving In Life
If you have a lot of things going for you, you're likely to attract leeches or people who hope that by being around you, they'll be able to get a piece of what you have. Except, they end up draining you instead.
Toxic people want someone who makes them look good and who gives them what they want. This makes them feel better about themselves.
You're A Great Listener
Toxic people often complain a lot and portray themselves as victims. They need someone who'll listen to their broken record and validate their feelings.
You may think that you're being a supportive shoulder for them to cry on, but you're just encouraging them to dwell in their feelings rather than face them and do something about them.
You Have A Sunny Disposition
As the name suggests, a person with a sunny disposition is the kind of person that lights up a room and isn't afraid to start a conversation with a stranger. Naturally, this person will attract people who are craving this light.
Toxic people will try to hog your light and will fill it with their own darkness.
You Can't Stand Seeing An Issue Go Unresolved
If you're used to being a bridge-builder, you might literally not be able to sleep if you know you have an unresolved issue. You tend to want to address issues right away, and you also want to do anything for it just to end.
You might end up apologizing when you're not in the wrong or accepting an ungenuine apology.
You're An Honest Person
Lying makes you nervous and uncomfortable, so you just avoid it altogether. Rather than deal with the guilt of it, you'd rather just deal with the consequences of honesty. Naturally, you can't help but expect and assume the same of others.
However, this makes you an easy target for liars, who take advantage of your lack of experience with lying to manipulate the truth and get away with it.
You Always Compare
Without sugarcoating it, if you're constantly looking at others and wondering why they seem to have a better life, or better style, or more money, then you're likely lacking self-esteem. You don't think you have enough or are enough, and you end up looking for the wrong ways to satisfy your "needs."
This makes you an easy target for someone who can make empty promises and ruin your already-lacking confidence even more.
You're A Perfectionist
This often means that you're willing to go to extreme lengths to make everything look and feel "perfect." Since perfection doesn't truly exist, you're chasing something unattainable.
Toxic people can push you to do all sorts of things for them in the name of perfection, and you might willing to go to any length to please them.
You Think You're Running Out Of Time
If you feel like you're running behind on your life plan and put any sort of pressure on yourself to get into a relationship, then you will unavoidably lower your standards just for the sake of having one.
You'll compromise on values that can turn a relationship toxic for you, just in the hope that it'll all somehow work out. In the end, you'll end up wasting more of your time on the wrong person.
