How To Cope When Your Ex Moves On Before You Do
Even if you thought you'd moved on, the moment you find they moved in with someone else can still feel like a little stab to the heart. Your brain races, comparing yourself to them and trying to figure out who this new person is.
Luckily, there are ways to cope so that you can continue moving on without letting this news get in the way.
Don't Go Starting A Fight
You should never physically express your grief toward your ex. You can cry and scream as much as you want within your inner circle, but you must resist the urge to send them a novel about how they're just going to ruin this new person's life too.
You don't want to be seen as throwing a tantrum.
Don't Go Begging For Them Back
They have made a decision, so let them stick to it. If they regret it and realize you're the one they wanted all along, they'll come to that decision on their own. Your begging and pleading will only drive them further away.
Plus, let's be real, you don't actually want your ex back, you just don’t want anyone else to have him.
Cleanse Yourself With A No-Contact Period
Resist any urge to speak to your ex so you truly have the space to move on from them. Even if you're on friendly terms, don't text or call, and especially don't go looking through their social media.
Let the mystery die, and just forget about them.
Release Your Feelings
Don't feel like you have to put a brave face on and pretend not to care. It's weird to see the person who once occupied such a big part of your life start it over with someone new.
Take the time to grieve their loss in any way you need—whether that's by eating a whole tub of ice cream or crying for three days straight.
Don't Go Stalking Their New Flame
This new person isn't necessarily "better" than you in their eyes, just different. There is no point trying to understand what they see in their new boo that you didn't have because you won't find it or you'll make false assumptions.
Focus on yourself and what makes you great, and don't risk hurting your confidence.
Don't Compare The New And The Old
Each dating experience is completely different and depends on how those two people feed off of each other. Some bring out the best while others bring out the worst, without necessarily being bad people or having bad intentions.
Usually, the reasons it didn't work out between you are circumstantial and not a reflection of who you are, nor are they an indication of what you deserve.
Don't Live In The Past
You should definitely cherish the memories you made with your ex. They play a huge part in the person that you are now. However, you don't want to get stuck in them either, wishing that you could go back to them.
You can't move forward and be as happy as you deserve while part of you is still living in the past. You need to accept the present situation for what it is and get excited about all your future possibilities.
Evaluate How Fast They Moved On
Chances are if they haven't actually taken adequate time to process the breakup and grow from it, then they've only found a rebound.
Take comfort in knowing that rebounds often don't last because the person isn't actually ready for another commitment and doesn't have the tools to build a solid foundation for a healthy relationship just yet. It's usually just a distraction.
Come Up With A "Letting Go" Ritual
There are many symbolic activities that can help you free yourself from your ex now that they've moved on. You can do a fire ritual, for example, where you burn some of your memories and pictures. Or you can throw stones in the ocean to symbolize throwing away your burdens.
It May Be Your Ego, Not Your Feelings
Consider the possibility that it's not that you still have feelings for your ex, but rather that your ego is bruised. It's natural to like the idea of someone having feelings for you even if you don't reciprocate them. It makes you feel wanted.
Your ex moving on takes away the comfort that there's someone out there who's still hung up on you. However, that's just making room for the right person to take that position.
Refrain From "Accidental" Messages Or Calls
We've all been guilty of it, but it has never gotten any of us very far. Don't send an "accidental" (but on purpose) message or drunk call just to see their reaction or hope it'll get them thinking of you.
Not only is it unfair to their new person, but it's also unfair to you. You'll just bring on rejection to yourself. And if they do give you attention like you hoped while dating someone else, what does that say about them?
Let Go Of The Fear That You Didn't Mean Anything To Them
One of the most common concerns when seeing an ex move on is that your past relationship meant so little that it's so easily replaceable. However, this new relationship that they're in doesn't take away from the one they had with you.
If you order a burger today and love it and order a steak tomorrow and also love it, does it mean that you didn't enjoy yesterday's burger too?
Take It As A Sign To Get Back Out There
If they're able to move on, then you are too! You're just as worthy and deserving to be loved again.
You might not fall in love with the first date you meet, but it won't hurt to get your flirt on, dress up, get some drinks and maybe even have some fun until you find that special someone again (which you will).
Don't Date Out Vengeance, Though
This is not a case of an eye for an eye. If you're not ready to date again, then wait. Don't do it just to make them jealous and prove a point.
Even if you suspect that it's what they're doing to you, it's not a reason to stoop down to their level. You're better than that.
Take It One Day At A Time
It may be hard to see past today right now. If you're not over your ex, then the grief could consume you. The thing is, you don't need to have tomorrow figured out.
You just need to get through the next five minutes, then the five minutes after that. Soon, time will go by, and it'll get easier and easier.
Keep Busy And Sociable
Who cares what they're up to now? They've made themselves independent from you and you should too. The busier you make yourself, the less time you'll have to think about or dwell on this.
Rather than wonder what your ex and their new boo are up to, ask your friends what they're up to and go have some fun.
Find Freedom In Your Independence From Them
There is so much freedom that comes from separating from an ex. You now have all your time, energy, money, and space back! What are the things that you wanted to do but didn't have any time for or had to compromise on for your ex?
Take this opportunity to travel or check the next thing off your bucket list.
Find Comfort In Science
The reason this bothers you is that your brain is having a chemical reaction at the moment. Your mind had gotten addicted to love (and to your ex by association) and is searching back for that source just like with any drug.
It can be comforting to know that you just need to ride out that chemical imbalance for a little while.
At The End Of The Day, It's Not A Competition
It was never a race to see who could move on first or who can be replaced first. You're on your own journeys and timelines.
The choices you make now should be made simply because they make you happy and not to influence each other.
Consider Talking To A Therapist
Therapy isn't reserved for specific conditions. In this case, it'll provide you with an outside perspective. Despite how well your friends and family mean, they're speaking out of protection and they'll feel angry and upset with you.
A therapist will guide your healing without the emotional factor.
