How To Get Over The Fear Of Never Finding Love
You're tired of family dinner conversations being centered on when you're going to bring someone home, and of your friends repeating to you that "it'll come to you when you least expect it."
You've tried everything from putting yourself out there on dating apps to swearing off dating, and yet you're single. Are you just destined to be alone forever? If you keep having these thoughts, it's time to let go of them.
Dig Deep Into What You're Afraid Of
The first step of getting over your fear is figuring out where it stems from. Sit with your fear and get to know what exactly you are afraid of. Are you afraid of heartbreak? Are you afraid you're not good enough? Do you worry no one is up to your standards?
Once you pinpoint it, then you can take the steps to overcome it.
Figure Out What It Is That You Need
Make a list of what it is that you think would make you happy. You can make several lists, like one of what you want to find in a partner and one of what goals or milestones you hope to achieve in order to be happy.
This will give you an action plan and a visual motivator. Plus, it will push you not to settle.
Remind Yourself That You're Growing A Little Wiser Every Day
Wake up with the mentality that every day is a new beginning, and every day you are learning and growing into a bigger and better person. You are gaining more tools that will guide you towards finding the perfect partner.
Embrace Being Single While You Can
Being single isn't all about looking for love. It means having all the freedom and time in the world to do exactly what you want to do without needing to accommodate others or even run it by anyone else. Many compromises come with relationships, so you might not be able to go out with the girls every night or go golfing with the boys every single Saturday.
Enjoy the little things while you can.
Being Single Doesn't Mean Being Lonely
Let's get one thing clear, being single and being lonely are not the same thing.
"Culturally, there is a lot of emphasis placed on coupling, marrying, and finding a significant other. This pressure can be overwhelming. I have witnessed many women stay in relationships out of fear of becoming single and lonely, when it could be debated that the life they are living now may actually be a more isolating one," says psychotherapist Mary Beth Somich.
Don't Listen To Your Negative Inner Voice
When you face disappointment in relationships over and over again, you might develop this little voice that starts to pick you apart and blame you. It might start to tell you things like you're not interesting enough. This will only damage you and your chances.
Find ways to silence that insecure voice. Repeat to yourself that you are worthy and you have a lot to give.
Throw Your Idea Of A Timeline Out The Window
It can be hard to resist societal pressure that says you need to marry and start a family by a certain age. This pressure will only get you down and even push you into situations you're not fully happy in.
Don't worry about a timeline—enjoy the present moment rather than an idealized version of what could be.
Love Doesn't Cure Everything
Love is not the be-all and end-all for happiness and fulfillment in life. Yes, it can be a great added bonus, but it doesn't mean you can't be happy without it.
A partner is only there to complement the life you already lead and add to the happiness you bring to yourself. This is the time to work on that.
Step Outside Your Comfort Zone
This might sound cliché, but if you're doing the exact same thing every day and nothing is changing and you're not happy with it, then maybe it's time to switch things up.
You can try spicing up your look with a new hairdo. You can try going to a new workout class or trivia night. Not only will it keep you distracted and occupied, but it will work wonders on your confidence.
Recognize That This Fear Is Just Self-Judgment
Take a moment to realize that rather than actual fear, this is just self-judgment. On some level, some part of you believes that you don't deserve love.
All you need to do is remind yourself that you do. Try asking a friend why they think you're deserving, and even write down what you think are your best qualities.
There Is Love All Around You
Love exists on so many different levels, and every level is capable of bringing you happiness and fulfillment. There is love that can be found in friendships and in family ties. Even in nature.
A simple routine walk in nature can help you build perspective and ground you.
It's Better To Have High Standards Than Settle
You should be congratulating yourself on being single. This means that you know your worth, you have certain expectations for yourself, and you're not willing to settle until you find exactly what you're looking for.
This is saving you lots of heartache and failure in the long run.
Where You Are Is Not The End
It doesn't matter how old you are. This present moment is not the end of your journey or the last place you're ending up. Enjoy the journey until you reach the desired destination. You still have lots of people to meet, experiences to have, and places to discover!
You Don't Know When It Will Happen
The reality is, everlasting love is not something you can accurately predict. So there's no point in waiting around, wondering when it'll happen and always hoping for it. This prevents you from truly making the most of the moments that will lead up to it.
Actively Change Your Thoughts From Negative To Positive
Here is a little trick to completely change your mindset. Write down your fears. Ask yourself if there is any truth to them. Every time you feel fear or a negative thought, restructure it in your brain.
For example if you think: "My ex ruined me and broke my heart," you can instead think "my ex taught me valuable lessons that will help me grow."
Switch Up Your Routine To Create Opportunities
If you truly want to meet someone new, you need to go somewhere new to increase your odds. You need to create opportunities for yourself and for them to meet you.
Don't be afraid to go on that blind date your friend always tries to set you up on or to go dancing on a Friday night. Keep an open mind—you never know who you'll end up meeting there!
You Might Be Unintentionally Closing Yourself Off
Sometimes you want to numb yourself so badly because the reality that you might never meet the one seems so painful that without realizing it, you slowly close yourself off.
This is a way to shut down all the emotions associated with it and to admit defeat, in a way. You have to be open to love to receive it, but that doesn't have to mean to be actively trying, either.
Redirect Your Energy
All that energy that you're spending on worrying and feeling bad could be used so much more effectively. Get up and go for a walk and really connect with your body.
Once you root yourself and feel happy in your skin, you will radiate and attract the kind of person you're looking for.
Stop Idealizing Others You See In Relationships
The grass always seems greener on the other side. However, as much as there are people who are happily in relationships, there are some who feel stuck, or like they settled and are wishing to be single again.
I repeat. Being in a relationship doesn't mean being happy.
Go And Get What You Want
At the end of the day, if you're not happy about something, go and do something about it. Fear means feeling stuck or feeling like you have no control over the outcome of a situation.
But there is a lot you can do about it. You have to be willing to get hurt over and over again, with every disappointment bringing you closer to what you're looking for.
