How To Make Someone Want You Again After They Lose Interest
They seemed to be just as into you as you were into them. You spent all of your time together, but just as fast as it started, it was all over. They lost interest. You're not even exactly sure why, but you wish you could re-spark it.
Well, here's some good news. You might just be able to by doing the following.
Don't Do Anything At All
Yes, this might sound like the opposite of what this article promises, but it's true. You need to start off by giving them space. This not only makes them miss you, but it also gives them the time to forget about what even made them want to leave in the first place.
The more you chase and push early on, the more they feel grounded in their decision.
Stay On Their Radar
Not doing anything at all doesn't mean completely falling off the face of the planet. You don't want them to completely forget about you just because you're not communicating.
Doing little things like posting a picture where you look great on social media will show them that you're taking care of yourself and not just crying over them. This can slowly attract them back to you.
Attract Them With Positive Motivation
So what do you do while you wait? Well, you go and live your best life. In a way, you want to actively motivate the person into wanting to be with you. By working on yourself and continuing to become the best version of yourself, you become irresistible.
This can be done with things like getting a new hairdo, working on a promotion, taking a hobby back up, and working out. Plus even if they don't come back, it works out for you!
Get Rid Of Negative Motivation
For positive motivation to work, you also need to get rid of negative motivation, which, in this case, means getting rid of the reasons that caused that person to lose interest.
If you already know what they are, then you can work on showing them how you've fixed them. If you don't, then after some time, you need to seek clarity and ask them.
Ask Direct Questions To Figure Out What Went Wrong
You need to truly understand the cause of their loss of interest before moving any forward. This will not only show if it's even worth trying to re-ignite it, but also if it involves compromises that you're willing to make.
You don't want to feel like you have to change yourself to please someone. Not every issue is solvable.
Bring Back What They First Liked About You
It might be helpful to go back through your first texts or memories together to figure out what it was that first attracted them to you. Was it your carefree personality and the way you took care of them?
Maybe life got busy and you didn't realize you had stopped. It's time to bring that back and remind them why they fell for you in the first place.
Recreate Your First Date
Ask them for a hangout and surprise them by recreating your first date together. This will feel nostalgic and bring you back to a time where everything was simpler and happier.
You can use that time to recreate your bond and reflect on the happy memories you shared together.
Shake Things Up To Make It Exciting
Often, people lose interest because a relationship becomes too stale and stuck in a routine. Although routine is necessary, it doesn't mean it can't be broken every once in a while to maintain an element of surprise and mystery that keeps you constantly wanting to learn more about your partner and create new experiences together.
This can be as easy as trying a new game together!
Don't Cave Into Insecurities
It's hard not to blame yourself when someone loses interest. It triggers insecurities that you're not good enough. Remember that this is all in your head, and the right person will love you for exactly the person that you are.
Caving in to the insecurities can cause you to overreact, so beware.
Take Notice Of What They're Doing
Show interest in their passions and activities. Even if you're not necessarily on speaking terms, if you notice they posted a video of them cooking and you know they love cooking, compliment the meal they made and show them you're impressed.
They will feel flattered and associate that positive feeling with the interaction with you.
Be Honest With Them About How You Feel
There is no point in playing games, here. Don't bother playing hard to get or getting mad at them to see if they feel bad. If you feel strongly about them, you need to tell them.
They might not be aware of your true feelings. Be specific about what it is you think makes them and your relationship special. This might even subconsciously get them to see it from your perspective and want it too.
Teach Them Something New
There's nothing wrong with wanting to impress someone that you like. Teaching them something new like how to cook a new recipe or how to climb a mountain will show them your value and how much you could add to their life if they kept you in it.
Be There For Them In A Moment Of Sadness
Emotional conversations are what really bond people together and allow them to get them to know each other on a deeper level. If you notice they're sad one day, reach out and offer your support.
Use feeling-inducing words like "I'm happy to help" or "it feels so safe to have a conversation like this with you" to signal the impact of you being there for one another.
Don't Use Them For Support
Don't expect them to comfort you or check in. You really want them to come back to you at their own pace and of their own will. Messaging them about how sad you are that they're no longer around or how scared you of losing them will not give you the outcome that you are seeking.
Go On A Date With Someone Else
Part of living your best life rather than waiting for them to come back is to see what else is out there. Not only will this give you a confidence boost by showing you how desirable you are even if this one particular person can't see it right now, but it will also keep you distracted.
Plus, you might even meet someone you find to be a better match, anyway.
No Need To Keep Checking In
Once you have an honest conversation about where they're at and why, as well as professing how you feel about them, there should be no reason to check in on them to see how they feel now or if they've changed their mind.
This also applies if you're still together and you just feel their loss of interest. You don't want them to feel scolded or supervised.
You Can't Control How Another Person Feels, So Don't Try
You cannot control another person's feelings or actions; you can only control your reaction. Although some feelings do come back, some are at a point of no return and that's okay.
Don't keep hoping and waiting because as much as you try to win them back, ultimately the final outcome is out of your hands.
Evaluate If Your Love Maps Match Up
A love map is basically a list of criteria that psychologists use to explain how we choose our mates. It's made of our values, beliefs, past experiences, background, and previous relationships.
A person might just have lost interest because they realized that your love maps did not align to the degree that they desired. Which is probably for the best, anyway.
Focus On Your Own Life
If someone is going to find their way back to you, chances are it's not because you've forced them into it. Now is the time to focus on your own life and don't waste your time putting them on some pedestal.
People Find Confidence Attractive
Most people don't find anyone who is overconfident to be attractive, but a general air of confidence in yourself is always going to be attractive. Be confident in what you have to offer and in what you bring to a relationship—any relationship.
Put Some Distance Between You
Just as you shouldn't be looking to lean on them for constant support or expect them to check in on you, you shouldn't be fulfilling that role for them either. If you're taking time apart or have broken up, they want to see what life is like without you, so you need to make that happen.
Try To Stay Upbeat
Beyond showing them that you're living your best life in an attempt to positively motivate them, you also want to stay positive for yourself. It can be hard to simply flip the switch from negative to positive, but you want to avoid letting those anxieties or fears or your anger overtake you.
Don't Act As If You've Suddenly Become A Mind Reader
If you're starting to feel like someone is losing interest in you, you're going to start reading into every little thing they do. You'll convince yourself that every comment must mean something else or every gesture has to have some greater meaning. It's exhausting, and it's not productive. You won't know how they're thinking or what they're feeling until they tell you.
The End Of The Road Vs. A Bump In The Road
Try to take a step back and evaluate if the issues you're having or the things one of you is feeling are cause for ending a relationship, or if they're maybe just a bump in the road. Relationships require effort, and it's not always going to be smooth sailing, but having a few issues doesn't mean you need to call it quits.
Don't Mimic How They're Behaving
Your partner has suddenly distanced themselves from you or you think they're starting to lose interest, so should you do the same thing? No. Don't turn it into a game of who can seem less interested, because that only leads to more confusion, and even if it does get them interested again, it's not in a healthy way. Eventually, it will backfire.
Fake It Till You Make It
Acting like you no longer need them in your life can turn out a couple of different ways. You could end up showing them that you're fine without them but they realize they're not, or you could get to the point where you realize you actually don't need them. It could benefit you either way.
Decide On Your Threshold For Uncertainty
Everyone is entitled to moments of confusion or feelings of uncertainty, but there are also two people in your relationship. You have to have a conversation with yourself about how much you're willing to put up with and how long you're willing to live in relationship limbo before you've had enough.
Stop Making It So Easy For Them
Once you decide what you're willing to put up with, it's time to follow through on that. Don't simply wait around for them to make a decision or let them walk in and out whenever they choose to. What you want matters just as much as what they want.
Be Okay With Moving On
Even if you think that person was perfect for you and you'll never find something as good and rare again, you need to be okay with it at least for the time being. Outlooks are so different when you're in a situation versus when you are out of it.
Maybe you just met them at the wrong time, or maybe there is someone out there who you will never have to worry about them losing interest in you. You owe it to yourself to move on to find that out.
Reassess If You're Even Still Into Them
Why are you holding onto someone who isn't doing the same? Is it out of comfort, or because you truly still desire them? Do you think your love maps connect on a deep enough level that what you have is worth keeping?
These are the questions you need to be asking yourself. Taking the time to do that might make you lose interest just as much as they have.
Chances Are They're Not Even Worth It
You can only chase someone so far. You deserve to be made to feel special and wanted. If someone makes you question it and wonder why you're not good enough for them, then it's more likely that they're not good enough for you.
A healthy foundation for love relies on equal effort and attention.
There Are Plenty Of Fish In The Sea
This isn't the first nor the last person who will find interest in you. There's no reason you should have all your eggs in one basket. Continue to put yourself out there and meet new people.
You might surprise yourself and meet someone you like better. Or at least someone who is consistent with their feelings towards you.
Make A List Of Pros And Cons
If you were to physically lay out a list of the pros and cons of this person you so desperately hope will give you their attention, which side would weigh out more?
Often enough, you'll find that their cons either outweigh their pros or their pros can easily be replaced by someone else.
Take Up The Projects That Have Been On The Back Burner
You want to keep yourself busy and distracted even though it feels like all you can think about is this person. What are some projects that you've been putting off?
It can be as simple as trying out a new recipe and having friends over to try it out, or trying a new dance class.
Take Pictures
When you go out or have new experiences, take pictures. You're not just trying to show off your new and improved self—you're genuinely working on being that person.
Don't do it just to get their attention but to prove to yourself that you can be happy without this person as you look back on the memories and see yourself smiling.
Use Positive Affirmations
It's easy to clog your head with negative thoughts as you try to find reasons for why someone lost interest in you. Instead of blaming yourself, you can rewire your thoughts by convincing your brain with affirmations.
Repeat statements such as "I am confident, and I have a lot to offer," or "I am lovable." Eventually, you'll trick your brain into believing it, as it should.
Cut Off Contact With Them Completely
This may seem ironic, but it has two major benefits. If you truly convince yourself you're done and give up on talking to them, then you can save your effort, move on, and stop the disappointment.
Or they'll start to miss you, wonder why you've stopped reaching out, realize they've lacked in effort, and regain interest.
Don't Try To Sell Yourself
You shouldn't need to convince yourself of your worth or why they should be interested in you. You may be tempted at some point to send them a long paragraph on how much you believe in your potential if they were to just try.
If it doesn't come from them directly, the more you push, the more they're likely to pull.
Don't Earn Their Attention Through Pity
You may be tempted to try to get their attention by making them feel bad for you and asking for their support. Even if you're truly going through a hard time, rely on a support system that you can trust.
Even if you succeed at getting them to talk to you because they felt bad, their attention won't last nor will it be genuine.
Don't Let Them Walk All Over You
Be careful of their intentions when and if they do suddenly start talking to you and showing interest again. Your instincts might tell you that if you agree to everything they ask, you'll get them back. Even if that means sacrificing your own needs and values.
Instead, they'll see you as a doormat and they'll take advantage of your loving nature.
