How To Recognize Someone Who’ll Ruin Your Life
They don't come off as someone who'd ruin your life. In fact, they seem charming at first. You think you hit the jackpot when you first meet them, but before you know it, they've ruined your self-esteem and got you trapped. The good news is, there are ways to spot them early.
It's All Or Nothing In Their World
They paint themselves as always the victim. The whole world is against them and they're one of the only good people left trying to fight back. They want your empathy and they want you on their side. Their ego requires it to feed their deluded narrative.
They Love To Whine
They do nothing but complain. Nothing ever goes right for them, and they want to make sure you know about it. They never take accountability; they just want to put the blame on anyone but themselves.
They never want to better the situation, either—they just want to drag you down with them. If they're in a bad mood, everyone has to be too.
They Want You To Look Up To Them
Be careful of the narcissist who will pick you out for being selfless and empathetic and use it to control you. They want someone to "need" them enough that they'll never abandon them.
In reality, they're really insecure and need to manipulate people into buying the kind of image they want to project.
It's Always About Them First
Who cares what you want? It's always about what they want first. They see their wants as "needs" and as a priority.
This might not be obvious at first, but it will start to show when they take the lead on making decisions without taking your opinion into consideration.
They Hog Conversations
What they have to say is always important. They don't even mind interrupting you mid-sentence. They like to talk about themselves or just hear themselves talk without even needing a response. Basically, they won't shut up.
Yet, when it's time to listen to you and your feelings, it's like talking to a wall.
They Guilt You Into Always Saying Yes
They know exactly what to say to make you feel bad and cave. This comes out in all sorts of situations. They'll sweet-talk you so that you give up the TV so they can game all night because they "deserve it."
Or worse, when fighting, they'll turn the tables on you so you're somehow always the one apologizing.
They Always Think They Know Better
They create a power dynamic in which you have to listen to them and seek their approval because they know better than you...about everything.
From the way you clean to the way you dress, they'll always have a comment to make until you completely lose your trust in yourself and your abilities, and you end up depending on them.
They Refuse To Take Responsibility
They won't even take responsibility for their own feelings. Instead, they'll project them right back unto you. They're ready to defend themselves all day and night because, obviously, if you're upset, it's your responsibility to get over it and not theirs to fix.
It's better to separate yourself from the situation so you can notice early on.
They Show Their Love With High Intensity
This might seem exciting at first. Who doesn't want to be showered with compliments, attention, and gifts so you don't have to wonder if they actually like you or not? However, once the emotional intensity reaches a certain point, especially with time, it'll turn into possessiveness.
The relationship will become overwhelming and they may not respect your boundaries.
They React Aggressively, Then Brush It Off
They may seem like a nice guy till all of a sudden they flip on you for a moment. You say something that offends them and they lightly push you. When you ask them what that was about, they say it was nothing.
It's never "nothing," so take it as a warning sign. Especially if they pretend it was an accident or don't apologize for it. This a common sign of people with a high-conflict personality.
They're Like A Child Trapped In An Adult's Body
Their carefree personality is really endearing and fun at first, until you realize that they take this inner childish spirit with them everywhere they go. They are too scared to grow up and deal with real life.
They still rely on their parents and want you to fill that role too. They even avoid work and responsibility as much as possible, or simply do the bare minimum.
They're Not Good At "The Romantic Stuff"
Not being good at being romantic is a fancy excuse for not being emotionally available. These are the people who want all the benefits of the relationship without actually putting in all the work.
They take and take but barely give in return. They create an unhealthy balance with empty promises and low effort.
They're The Life Of The Party
They are usually physically attractive, charming, and exciting. They know how to attract attention and captivate a crowd. They dress nicely and are great at flirting, even witty.
This is all a façade to hide how insecure they feel. They try to compensate for that insecurity by judging themselves through how other people see them. They end up being quite superficial.
They Love To Exaggerate A Story To Make It Better
Although there's nothing wrong with a good storyteller, the same can't be said about a person who constantly needs to lie to make themselves seem more exciting. If they can't be truthful just in telling a story, then how you can trust them about anything else?
These people have no problem lying to get their way, get out of trouble, or to make themselves look better.
They Never Say What They Mean
They make themselves hard to read on purpose. They want to hold that power over you so that you're always on your best behavior. In fact, they won't even get mad at you.
Instead, they'll just adopt passive-aggressive behaviors so you end up feeling like you have to walk on eggshells. Nothing will get resolved that way.
Nothing Is Ever Good Enough
They call themselves perfectionists, but really, they've just set an expectation that you'll never be able to reach because it's completely unrealistic. They want the best of both worlds. They want you to be to do it all.
This leaves you drained and with crushed self-esteem because you try so hard and still can't seem to please them.
They're Control Freaks
They can't leave the house without fluffing each pillow back the same way, and you can't leave the house without telling them where you're going, who you're going with, and when you'll be back.
Slowly, they push the boundaries to see how much control they can get over you and get away with. Soon, they're getting a say in what you wear and eat too.
They're Just Like Play-Doh
You can mold and shape them into anything you want. This seems great at first because they just agree with everything you say. Then you realize they just have no personality, goals, values, or ambitions.
They end up being completely codependent on you and don't even know how to turn the dishwasher on if you're not home.
Life Is Short, So They Should Spend All Their Money
This is the person who has no sense of balance in their finances. They want to buy every shiny thing in their path because they think life is short, so there's no point in saving up. You admire their "live in the moment" stance until you realize that there's no way you can build a life together.
They have no savings and can't support you, or a kid, or even invest in buying a house unless they sell one of their 986 video games.
Most Of The Time, You Don't Notice Until It's Too late, And That's Okay
Don't kick yourself if you've missed the signs over and over again. That simply means that you're open and willing to give people the benefit of the doubt. Most of the traits mentioned in this article take a while to notice. Often, by the time you do, you're already invested and it's already impacted you.
This doesn't mean that it's too late and that you're stuck, though.
