It’s Possible To Stay In Love Past The Honeymoon Phase, Here’s How
The honeymoon phase shouldn't be the height of a relationship. There's no denying it's the phase with the most constant excitement—everything feels new, and your nerves push you to put in your best effort. But in reality, it's what comes after this phase that is really what love songs are all about.
Don't Hate Each Other On The Same Day
Take it from someone who knows, love isn't supposed to be happy every single day. It's a compromise and a give a take. It's being able to know when it's okay to have an off day and be annoyed at your partner and when to come back and be loving towards them.
Embrace The Shift From Attraction To Attachment
Love isn't what you feel during the honeymoon stage, it's what comes after. As long as you don't panic at the change and mistake it for falling out of love. This is what you might experience instead:
"It feels like a warm blanket or your favorite food that your mom made, or laughing with your friends. It feels like security and comfort and contentment. You look at them and feel safe. It's intimacy and connection. It feels like your life but with someone who has your back." —missluluh / Reddit
What Even Is The Honeymoon Phase?
They say that the honeymoon period lasts anywhere between six months and a year from the day you meet and begin a new relationship. The appeal is that the relationship still feels fresh and exciting, and every new milestone is new.
This is the phase during which you want to constantly learn more about each other and share new first experiences together.
How Do You Know When It's Over?
There comes a point in every relationship when suddenly you feel like you've already done everything together. You feel like you know your partner inside out. You push the limits of comfort and often stop putting in effort altogether.
Often this leads to every couple's worst nightmare: boredom (and everything that brings).
The Beginning Of The End
A lot of what influences a relationship is the right mentality. Are you thinking of the honeymoon phase as the end of the beginning, or the beginning of the end? Learn to identify the difference.
If you're bored, ask yourself if it's because you're watching a movie on the couch for the 30th day in a row or because you truly find that your partner is lacking?
Keep The Dates Coming
In reality, you can never truly stop learning about another person. We're constantly changing and evolving, and there are so many layers that have brought us to where we are in life.
Dates allow you to create a bond in which you can keep growing together through quality time, a change of scenery, and a shared experience.
Literally List Your Gratitude For One Another
This seems like a weird excuse to fish for compliments, but if you can set time aside to actually list to each other the reasons why you feel grateful for one another, you'll be boosting their confidence while simultaneously reminding yourself.
When things start to feel dull, think of this as a therapeutic exercise.
It's Okay To Take Space
We're not saying you need to break up, just take some time to yourself and give each other some distance every once in a while. It's actually crucial to recharge from time to time, and it will let you know you don't depend on the relationship.
You need to be able to enjoy time with friends and hobbies that are separate from each other. It gives you a chance to miss each other.
Lust Isn't Love
Be careful when identifying what you're really feeling at the beginning of a relationship. Often, will mistake the rush of attraction as love when it really doesn't go beyond a shallow physical connection. Love is something you build with another person; lust is something you just feel.
Take The Comfort As A Blessing
The ability to use the bathroom with the door open because you no longer care may make seem like the romance days are over, but the fact that you share that level of comfort is actually a blessing.
It means that this person can see you at your worst and still see your best. You no longer have to pretend or always look your best. You can just be you.
Don't Take Each Other For Granted
Once you fall into a routine, it's easy to stop seeing the effort that you're both still putting in. Cooking, cleaning, and errands become expectations, and you forget to appreciate one another.
Even simply saying "thank you" can be enough sometimes to feel like you're not just stuck doing it because you have to but because you want to.
Do The "Stupid Cliché Stuff"
"The love 'fades' in some people's eyes, but I say it just evolves. I'm still just as smitten as I was 7 years ago by doing the stupid cliché things like talking to each other, going on adventures together, making time to tell them how much you appreciate them, making sure you say I love you every day really does help." —MsCardeno / Reddit
Go Back To Where It All Started
Sometimes, when you're wondering why you're still together, you should ask yourself why you got together in the first place. A reminder could be all that you need.
Recreate your first date and go back to the actual location where you had your first date. Engaging your senses like ordering the same food again or wearing the same perfume could bring back those memories.
Get On The Same Page About What The Future Looks Like
If you can agree on where you'd like for your relationship to lead and what kind of future you envision for yourselves, you'll have something to work for and look forward to.
This will also make you feel like a team and give you the ability to take turns taking breaks and picking up the pace without feeling guilty or like you're the only one putting in the work.
Sit Close To Each Other
You may be inclined to sit on opposite ends of the couch to extend and be comfortable, but find ways to be subtly touching each other.
Even just hand-holding or a gentle caress can release serotonin in the brain, which is known as the cuddle hormone that keeps you feeling attached to each other.
A Bed Isn't Just For Sleeping
It's easy to get caught up in how tired you feel after a long day, every day, and put off intimacy time and time again. Think of it this way:
"Having a good intimacy is like being in a band or on a sports team. You don't have to play free form jazz or join Crossfit to keep it interesting, but you do have to play together regularly." —kaliwraith / Reddit
Fights Are Just Fights
You're actually supposed to fight! It would be unhealthy if you didn't argue every once in a while. It allows for a release, it opens the door for communication, and it prevents passive-aggressive behavior from built-up tension.
When you're fighting, remember that it's you as a team against the problem, not each other.
Loving Someone Is A Choice You Make Every Day
"I've been married for over 38 years, and I'll give you the piece of advice I give to anyone who asks about how to sustain a long marriage. The times will come when just want to scream or you're bored and thinking, 'why am I here?'
"Every day, think to yourself, 'I'm going to love this person today. I may not be feeling it, but I am going to love them.' Sometimes you may have to do this for a long time but, then, guess what? It comes back. And it's like you're newly in love all over again." —Fetedepantaloons / Reddit
Learn Their Love Language
We've said it before and we'll say it again: learn how your partner wants to be loved and actually love them in their language. Just like gifts don't mean much to you, constant affection might not mean much to them.
Knowing that they prefer acts of service will make them feel loved and encourage them to learn how to love you the same.
Accept That All It Was, Was Rose-Tinted Glasses
Sometimes, the hard and unfortunate truth is that there's not much there past the honeymoon stage. You don't actually really get to know the person until months down the line. It's okay to admit that what you've learned doesn't suit your needs. The sooner you move on, the sooner you can find it.
