People Share Whether Or Not They Regret Getting Married Young
Marriage is a big decision. You're committing to sharing your life with another person, and typically, you're expecting to be with that person for the next 40 or 50 years—but that's not always how it works out.
People who get married straight out of high school or in their early 20s are often judged for getting married "too young" or without knowing their partner. For some, it works out, but for others, they end up with more regrets than happy memories.
"Best decision we ever made" —Reddit / kmhalvie
"I just turned 23 when I got married, right after college. We've been married for five years. No regrets—best decision we ever made. It has been fun settling into adulthood and 'real life' together. You will both continue to evolve as people, and it's important to do so together."
For some, the downside to getting married young is they don't have the opportunity to "find themselves," whereas others find a way to do that with their partner.
"I knew on the wedding day it was a mistake" —Reddit / todayonbloopers
"I married at 19. I knew on the wedding day it was a mistake. It was a nightmare, to be quite honest, but I actually don't regret it? Things had to be as horrible as they were, or I never would have left."
You might not have been able to see it at the time, but even a "failed" marriage can still be counted as a success because it helped you learn and grow.
"I wouldn't recommend it to others" —Reddit / SocialIQof0
"I married when I was 21. That's young by most people's standards, I guess. I would say that I don't regret it as it worked out for me, but I also would not recommend it to others. You change a lot and even if you're mature for your age, you're still immature."
No matter how mature you think you may be at 21, there's always room to grow and develop. The question is whether you grow together or apart from your partner.
"I'm not sure we'll still be together in 10 years" —Reddit / iostefini
"I got married at 19, now 27. I don't regret it, but I'm not sure we'll still be together in 10 years' time. What I want in life has changed, but he hasn't. What he wants in life is still the same, but I'm different."
Think of the person you were at 15 or 20, and look at where you are now. You change over the years without even knowing it, so the person you married at 19 might not even be there by 27.
"I have zero regrets—I am the exception" —Quora / Paul Byerly
"Turned 24 shortly after I got married. I have zero regrets. I would note I am the exception, not the rule. I think many young marriages are about running away from something more than they are about wanting to build a life with someone they deeply love. Why we get married matters a great deal."
If you're getting married just because you feel like you should, or you feel like you've been together a long time so everyone is expecting you to, you're setting yourself up for failure.
"I had no context for being an adult by myself." —Reddit / harper_kentucky
"Got married at 18 to my 19-year-old BF of five years. We did it for 'escape' reasons. When you get together so young your lives are so entwined. I had no context for being an adult by myself. The whole relationship had been about the relationship rather than what I wanted my life to be."
When you're young, it's easy to get wrapped up in a relationship and see it as the only thing that matters, but you have to have a life outside of that one person too.
"I regretted never having the chance to be independent" —Reddit / WorstPiesInLondon
"I got engaged to my boyfriend when I just turned 21, married at 22, and divorced at 25. Getting engaged was entirely his idea. In my young mind, it was everyone's endgame to settle down. I regretted never having the chance to really be independent and figure life out on my own."
Society pushes the narrative that you should want to find your "person," settle down, and get married as soon as possible, but that doesn't work for everyone.
"It was the most important & easiest decision in my life" —Quora / Chris Hogan
"Not one bit. Proposing to my future wife at age 22 & being married at 23 was the most important & easiest decision in my life. Now, after 43 years of marriage, every day together is still wonderful."
Sometimes, you're going to get an instinct about one person, and you don't know why, but you know there's something about them that you want to have in your life for the next 45 years.
"It took my youth" —Reddit / Ellipses8
"Yes, I really regret it. We were both 23. We stayed married for 11 years. It took my youth and many choices in life. I'm struggling from all of that."
Just like how your parents used to tell you to enjoy being a kid while you still could be, some would argue that getting married so young takes away from experiencing your 20s in the typical way you're expected to.
"The marriage was hell on earth" —Reddit / PinkMonkeySlippers
"Got engaged at 19 and married at 21. First real boyfriend, first love. He was 7 years older. I was inexperienced in relationships in general, but especially in recognizing red flags. The marriage was hell on earth, a complete disaster. We were both miserable."
Hopefully, it only takes one or two bad relationships for you to realize what some major red flags to watch for are, and ideally, that bad relationship is not your marriage.
"Wouldn't change a single thing." —Reddit / was14atyme
The key to success for this couple who's been married for nearly 40 years after getting married at 18? "We NEVER call each other names, and we don't go for screaming matches."
Getting into a yelling match with your partner like you're a teenager yelling at their parents who just took away their cellphone isn't going to get you a successful marriage.
"I'm just changing together with my partner" —Reddit
"I got married at 21, when I was still in college. I don't regret a thing. A lot of people told me that I wasn't fully developed at 21—that I would change. But I think that would always be the case. I'm never going to stop changing. I'm just changing together with my partner."
Going into your marriage with the knowledge that you're both going to change is how you make a marriage last for the rest of your life.
"We never learned to fight well" —Reddit / localgyro
"I married at 22, right after college; I divorced at 41. I think we could have gone longer, but we never learned to fight well." You're kidding yourself if you think that you're going to find yourself in a relationship where you never fight with your partner.
Part of growing up, though, and maturing, is learning how to fight properly. You need to be able to have an argument, communicate your needs, and then resolve the issue.
"I knew it was a mistake, but went along with it" —Reddit / Yowzahx3
"I got married at 21. I regret it 100%. I knew it was a mistake, but went along with it to please him. The day after we were married, I was already planning my way out. I finally filed for divorce at age 27."
You don't want to be the person who calls off your wedding because it'll hurt everyone involved, but if you're having serious doubts, maybe you should look at why.
"I still believe it was the best decision" —Reddit / alleykitten79
"I just turned 21 when we got married. 18 years later and I still believe it was the best decision I've ever made. We were high school sweethearts...Now, everyone is different. Ours is, admittedly, not the typical story."
Even the people who are still married to someone they fell in love with in high school can acknowledge that they are not the normal marriage story.
"There are definitely things we wish we'd done differently" —Reddit / buchliebhaberin
"I was 23, he was 25. It'll be 30 years in a couple of weeks. I don't regret marrying early but the last year or so, he and I have spent some time reassessing decisions we made early in our marriage, mostly related to careers and education."
Even if your marriage works out, marrying young means that you'll have to make decisions about your career, traveling, where to live, etc. all based on a second person.
"Chances of it working out for people are slim to none" —Reddit / catawampushalo
"We married about 3 weeks after my 18th birthday. After 17 years, we're still married. I don't regret it, but I admit we're VERY LUCKY and the chances of it actually working out for people are probably slim to none."
When you're young, you have a specific idea in your head of what a relationship should be, but that's not always going to be realistic, so you're left holding someone to a higher standard than is possible for them to achieve.
"Marrying young wasn't the issue" —Reddit
"Marrying young (at 19) wasn't the issue it's more about growing together, learning from each other, compromising and changing together. We struggle with those things every day but we're still together after 30 years. [My husband] forgets we're supposed to be a team."
Sometimes you can blame your issues on getting married too soon, but other times the issues in your marriage would've been there regardless of how old you were. If you and your partner aren't a team, it's going to make it hard on yourselves.
"We were way too young to really know ourselves" —Reddit / whackthewheeze
"I should not have married at all. I should not have compromised my own ideals, and besides, early to mid-20s was just WAY too young to really know ourselves. I certainly didn't have the maturity to communicate effectively, to set boundaries, to understand my deal breakers."
Most of the time, you don't know what you're deal breakers are in a relationship until you're exposed to them. Having that exposure to different people and relationships before you're married helps you make the right decision.
"I learned a lot about myself and what I want in life" —Reddit / sai_gunslinger
"Yes and no. On one hand, I wasted a lot of time with someone who wasn't right for me. On the other hand, I learned a lot about myself and what I want in life. And now I'm not afraid to go get it."
Relationships when you're young are meant to help you understand what you want or don't want from future partners, but you can learn those things without a legally binding marriage contract.
