Signs You’re Holding Your Relationship Together
If you're dating someone, you know that half the relationship is working through whatever issues arise. It's this magical little thing called "compromise," and it only happens if both of you actually sit down and listen to each other. A novel concept for some, I know.
But some people straight-up suck at trying to make things work. It could be for a whole host of reasons, but it all boils down to them not really wanting to be in a relationship anymore.
Which is fine, but they need to tell you that so you aren't bending over backward to please someone who doesn't care. Here are some signs he's done trying.
This Man Texts You And Then Throws His Phone In A River
Not a real river, a metaphorical river, since it takes him literal hours to respond to you. You're dating, right? So it shouldn't feel like you have to hunt him down to get an answer to the question "what time do you want me over tonight?"
He Got You Flowers (Again) For Your Birthday
Look, flowers are nice. However, if the best and most personal gift he can get you is one that every man over the age of five knows is appropriate to get a woman, then he hasn't really absorbed any of your interests. Plus, he gives his mom the same bouquet.
You're The One Changing Your Fusion Hip Hop Yoga Class Plans
If there's a schedule conflict, those brunch plans you had with Becky can get moved over to next weekend because your guy's schedule is super rigid...except it's really not. If you're the one constantly working around his schedule, then he's just coasting.
You're Agreeing To Dumb Stuff You'd Never Agree To...Like Laser Tag With "The Boys"
Don't hurt yourself by bending over backward so far trying to please your boyfriend. That means saying "no" to the dumb activities you hate and he loves. You're trying way too hard to make this thing work if you've got a smile plastered on your face at poker night in his cousin's basement.
He's Become Your Everything (More Than Your Dog, Even)
I'm not saying it's bad to be in love, but it is bad to let a relationship take over your life. Obsession is a real thing that happens when he's not giving you any emotional or physical availability to work with, so you obsess over him to figure out what his aloofness means. And that's a big issue.
What Problems? You Have No Problems?
There's no such thing as a perfect relationship, so don't go pretending like you have no issues with him and the off-color stuff he says. If you can't address any issues you have, then it's probably because you're trying to force it to be perfect.
You're Constantly Left Waiting With A Ringing FaceTime
This is a huge one for long-distance couples, but also regular couples. Your apart time matters as much as your together time, so if he's missing late-night calls you planned to talk about your day, then you're trying hard for a guy who doesn't care.
He's Never Wanted To Meet Your Parents Even Though You've Met His (Hi Barb And Steven!)
Meeting the parents is a big freaking deal (how many rom coms have that in the plot??) so if he's never expressed interest in meeting them...well, he's not ready to take the next steps.
You're Always Choosing The Dinner Spot
Forget about not knowing what to eat, because if you have no ideas, then you would both starve that night. If he's placing all the legwork on you to figure out where you guys are going because he "doesn't care," then he's really not trying at all.
The Most "Serious" Conversation You've Had Has Begun And Ended With Him Looking At His Xbox Out Of The Corner Of His Eye
Remember that beautiful little thing called communication that healthy couples who are trying to make it work have? Yeah, he doesn't have it. If he either doesn't give you his full attention, can't be serious for a second, or won't even entertain an emotional conversation, that's a man not playing his part in the relationship.
Your Mom Mentioned You're Always At His Place
Dude, if you're hanging out at his place constantly for no other reason than that you feel like if you don't you'd never see him...you are carrying this team. Getting your boyfriend to hang out with you shouldn't feel like a search and rescue mission.
You Surprised Him With His Favorite Meal On Your Anniversary While He Forgot What Day It Was
I shouldn't even have to mention this because the bar is so low for some guys, but I will. It should be the legal freaking responsibility of both people in the relationship to remember the anniversary. If he doesn't, then feel free to leave him because you're obviously too good.
You Have An Alarm For Him Set On Your Phone (Like A Parent Would For Their Child)
If you're the one putting in work for this thing, then chances are he's leaning back and letting you handle every aspect of his life (because he can). A good sign of this is if you're acting like his caregiver and making sure he gets up in time for work in the morning.
You Have To Plan Like Six Steps Ahead
If you're doing the thing where you try and predict whether or not they're going to ask you to come over based on their usual schedule and habits, then you're definitely letting their poor planning skills take over your life. A good relationship where both people are trying is never founded on one preemptively getting ready by a certain time because they're anticipating an invite.
His Friends All Think You Guys Are Solid, While Your Friends Are Way More Up To Date
Friends talk to friends about their relationship issues—so if his best friend is clueless that you guys had an awful fight two nights ago and aren't talking because he invited the both of you to dinner, then something's up. Either your boyfriend is oblivious and thinks everything is fine, or he's trying to brush the whole thing under the rug by not talking the situation out with friends.
You Always Look Banging For Him While He Rocks The Sweatpants
I'm not saying you have to dress up for each other, but if you're going somewhere on a date, it's an unspoken rule that you try a little bit to look nicer than you normally would. So, his "clean" sweatpants really say a lot about how invested in this he is.
You Let Him Watch Your Netflix But He Won't Share His Prime
Relationships are two-way streets, and that means both of you taking full advantage of the other's cheap streaming service. If you're liberal with your Netflix and Hulu passwords and he won't even give you his Amazon Prime, then you know where the door is, sweetie.
You Edit Your Texts More Than You Did Your College Papers
If you're still acting like if you say one wrong word he'll leave you, then this isn't a real relationship. If you're still scared to act like your truest self around your person, then that's a major sign that he's not right for you and you're straining to make this thing work. No relationship should come at the cost of your identity.
You're Scared That He's Going To Dump You Tomorrow
Why could you be getting this feeling constantly? Hmm...not sure, maybe it's because he's closed-off, won't talk about his feelings, and didn't respond to your text yesterday. If your gut is constantly on edge in anticipation that he's going to dump you, then you need to exit out of this thing now, because that feeling is coming from somewhere.
You'll Do Anything To Stop A Fight (Even If He's Completely In The Wrong)
If you're afraid that one fight will make or break your relationship so you avoid it like the plague, or apologize right away even if you disagree, that's called dancing around the issue. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what you're giving up by trying to keep everything kosher between you.
