The Law Of Mirroring Is Why You Keep Attracting The Same Partners
Have you noticed that all your exes share similar traits? It may have been hard to notice while you were in the relationship, but now that you can reflect on it, there is a reason for the repeated patterns in your past partners.
But rest assured, that there is also a way to break those patterns in your next relationship.
What Is The Law Of Mirroring
The law of mirroring means that we attract people in which we see glimpses of ourselves.
It suggests that failed relationships are a result of how we respond to the world. Just like Iyanla Vanzant said, “What we love in other people is what we love in ourselves. What we hate in other people is what we cannot see in ourselves.”
You Gravitate To What's Familiar
We often seek relationship dynamics we experienced in early childhood because their familiarity is comforting.
For that reason, we end up attracting people who we think can facilitate healing for some kind of challenge we experienced as a child. We try subconsciously to master or change that type of relationship.
Identify The Patterns Among Your Partners
If you take a hard look at your relationship history, you might notice that your patterns started in your formative years, and the way you created bonds then became a subconscious blueprint for all your relationships.
Once you become aware of the traits that you need to avoid, you will learn how to seek partners who are more available.
Your Role Models' Relationships Correlate With Your Own
Watch to see if you are emulating some of the same relationship behavior that your caretakers shared. For example, was one of them emotionally distant? Or was the relationship imbalanced because one was more invested than the other?
It's natural to normalize that kind of behavior in your own relationships and become blind to it.
The Absence Of A Caregiver Can Create A Void
If one of your parents wasn't available either emotionally or physically, you might find yourself drawn to that type of partner because it's all you know.
You might have convinced yourself that you have to earn people's love, rather than just receive it, which is how it should be.
You Might Be The One Who Is Emotionally Unavailable
Sometimes, the traumas and issues that you have experienced up to this point could be the ones preventing you from trusting and opening yourself up to your new partners.
Even if you have all the love to give in the world, make sure that you are ready to give it and know how to.
Sometimes It's Because You're Too Good Of A Listner
Toxic people will latch on to anyone who will listen to them talk and whine for hours because they can get away with it.
Even if you're empathetic, make sure you set boundaries on how much time or energy you are willing to give someone, and make sure it's reciprocated.
You're So Easygoing, You Put Their Needs Before Your Own
The reason you keep attracting the same kind of partner could just be because you're so easygoing that you get caught up in making them happy and putting them first, maybe even healing them, to the extent that you forget about your own needs and get lost in the relationship.
The Drama Makes You Feel Important
Some people end up in toxic relationships over and over again because, subconsciously, they are attracted to the drama.
Their partners need to be saved, or the highs and lows make them feel special and important, even needed.
You Give Your Partners Too Much Of Your Time
It's possible to get so caught up in relationships that you give them all your time and forget to take any for yourself.
This puts a lot of strain on you and your partner. In your next relationship, make sure to create time and space to maintain a healthy dose of independence.
Identify The Specific Wound You Are Trying To Heal
The first step to breaking bad patterns is identifying their roots. Try to pinpoint what the most common toxic trait was among your partners, then try to identify its cause.
Once you understand what you're up against, then you can start to form the tools to avoid repeating it.
Suppress The Need To Fix Your Partner
Accept that no matter how much you love someone, you can't change them and you can't fix them. The only person you can change is yourself.
Once you feel healthy, confident and happy, you will attract people who share the same lifestyle.
Take Accountability Where It's Due
The only person at fault is you—which is great news, because it means that you are in complete control of changing the outcome for your next relationship.
Once you accept that you allowed these wrong partners in, you will know how and when to keep them out.
Make Sure You Believe That You Deserve The Best
You will only attract people who you think you deserve, and you deserve the best. You have to truly believe that so you don't settle for a partner who doesn't fulfill all your needs.
This will allow you to spot the signs early and maintain healthy relationships.
Practice Self-Care On A Regular Basis
You cannot give what you do not have. Make sure that you love yourself first, so you won't feel the need to look for validation in someone else. One of the best ways to do this is by practicing self-care and doing things just for you.
Once you know what you like to do to feel good about yourself, you will be able to continue to do those things for yourself even while in a relationship.
Develop Your Self-Awareness With Little Exercises
Identify your core values, since they make you who you are. Once you are aware of them, you will not want to settle for someone who doesn't share them.
The key is getting to know yourself as well as you can, so start in categories like family, health, and career goals.
Write Down A List Of Red Flags You're No Longer Willing To Settle For
Now that you know what you want and don't want, and now that you understand why, write it down to make it concrete.
Make a checklist of things you are now going to refuse to justify and overlook in a partner, and in comparison, make a list of the qualities you will not settle for until you find.
Identify What Your Partner Is Mirroring, Too
With future partners, try to get to know them on a deep level before committing to them. Understand what kind of behaviors they might be at risk of exhibiting due to their past, and understand how you mirror those attributes to them. This will help you find out if you are a good fit.
Give Someone Who Is Completely Different From Your Type A Chance
Get out of your comfort zone and date someone unlike anyone else you've ever dated.
This person will likely complement you instead of just mirrorring you, and perhaps they'll teach you new ways to experience a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Remember That Your Mirror Can Reflect The Good, Too
Not all mirrors are bad. Once you love your reflection, the feedback will respond. Focus on the positive relationships you have witnessed growing up, and look to repeat those patterns instead.
Most importantly, make sure you love yourself the most.
