Tweets That Will Make You Laugh If Dating Has Made You Bitter
What happened to the romance? Now people are getting 'u up' texts at 2 am and creeps are sliding into DMs promising to make us smile. It's time to face some facts, dating is the worst. This probably seems like something people know, but do they really? It's wild out there. Most of us are lucky to make it out alive. These tweets show that there are plenty of us out here bitter about the dating world, and honestly, it makes sense.
Am I The Only One Who Read This In An Infomercial Voice?
Actually though, dating these days is just waiting for the other shoe to drop. How long before I embarrass myself and this person sees how weird I really am? It's a constant struggle.
Urgh, Actually Though.
Every time I say I'm fine being alone I always end up back on Tinder and Bumble, so obviously that isn't true. So I guess it's dating or death. I'm sure it will depend on the day.
Get Your Priorities Straight People.
If we are going to start being judgemental, be judgemental for the right reasons. A good looking person is great, but who doesn't want a little extra cash in their life?
Honestly, There Are Worse Things.
A piece of chicken would be a fine and tasty soul mate. Think about it, it's warm and likes to be held and doesn't care if things get a little messy.
This Is Troubling News...
You mean to tell me that if I start dating someone I have to worry about someone else and their feelings as well as my own?! That seems like a big commitment.
Good Grammar Is Essential
Listen, I'm all for being accepting and allowing people to be all they can be, but it's 2019... there is no reason to use the wrong version of a word. What has autocorrect made of us?
If This Isn't A Sign, I Don't Know What Is...
Real talk, though. All of our lost hopes and dreams would be too many to fit into this humble claw machine. Besides, if we kept them all in there, we'd still have a chance of reaching them and that just won't do.
Bitter But Aware.
That's a good combo. I can't tell if she's madder about the trash in the sea or the trash in her dating life. Both are less than ideal and I'm sure we could all do without.
Oh Instagram Stories.
Imagine if Instagram didn't let you see who has watched your stories anymore? How else would be we know who still haunts our social media? Do you ever wonder what you would do if you actually saw that person?
You Can See The Excuses Forming In His Mind
Free Ghosted t-shirts should come with every first date you go on with someone you matched with on a dating app. Think about it, it's like a badge of shame, only if they cared things would be different, wouldn't they?
Man This Is Such A Bummer...
This hits home because of how true it is. We get that blank look on our faces and everything after we're dumped. The worst part is when you don't even know it happened until he hasn't text you back.
Not Every Terrible Experience Is Long-Lived
Sometimes we just know after hanging out with someone once or twice that they're just the worst. The best is when you both mutually feel this way and then you can just both mutually ghost.
If He's No Match For Your Good Grammar...
Then he's no match for you. If your semicolon is going to freak him out, imagine what's going to happen when you pull a real power move like deciding where you have dinner or what movie to see?
Do You Ever Wonder What The Breaking Point Is?
I would love to know at what point in my relationship with someone they just looked at me and felt 'nahh' this isn't for me anymore... probably never was. It's probably right at the beginning, if we're being honest.
There Are Few Things Worse Than Somone Who Won't Leave You Be With Your Pity.
I just want to feel bad about myself, can't I do that in peace? Besides, real talk, most of us miss A man, not having ANY man. So, think about that next time you think being creepy will work.
If We Don't Want To End Up Alone, But Don't Want To Date, What Other Choices Are There?
You can only go on so many terrible Tinder dates before dating an object seems like a good idea. They won't talk back, they'll do what you say, and probably will be just as good at conversation.
Every Date, Ever!
I have to look at myself in the mirror and say 'please don't be weird' three times over so a normal version of myself can posess my body for the duration of our date.
Dating Or Pizza...
As if that's a hard choice. Honestly, if I had to pick one it would be a man who would bring me pizza, so a delivery boy seems like the perfect partner.
Honestly, This Seems Like Good Advice.
Because assuming that they're dead and gone is better than accepting that they just weren't into you, right? No one wants to admit that they're less than altogether desirable, and it's important to just move on as swiftly as possible.
If Only Listing Our Best Attributes Would Find Us A Man
There is nothing that you can tell someone about yourself that will win them over if they're not feeling it, even if they pretend that they are! Dating really is like a long, terrible, interview process, isn't it?
Turns Out We Have A Lot In Common
It really does just feel like garbage to know that your crush doesn't like you in the same way that you don't like you. Like where you're tolerable at best...but would rather not.
I Can Hear The Wedding Bells
All it takes is one phrase or semi-romantic gesture for a woman to start planning your wedding on her Pinterest. You better believe she has already picked out her dress and who your best man is going to be.
It's So Inconsiderate, Honestly
The worst part about having friends is the men that they date. You have to pretend to like them enough that it's OK that they're around, and you can't be rude about them when they're not.
I Guess I Could Try Being Nice?
Of all the insane things that I've tried to get someone to like me, being nice to them isn't one that I've actually given any thought. Isn't love just gently bullying one another?
Three Flags Is Generous
To be fair, you rarely understand that those flags were red flags until you're looking back on it and recounting all the ways you were an idiot and brought this upon yourself.
Sounds Like The Right Thing To Do
An artist, a poet, a musician, they're all the same, and it's best to avoid them at all costs. If that isn't possible, then pretend you hate the medium that they work in.
Sad And Painful, But True
Maybe this is why you always have the best chemistry with the worst people, because there isn't anything else between the two of you, so all that space is filled with intimate tension.
He Will Get It Eventually
Maybe all he needs is the 19th chance to prove to her that his love is for real. It takes people a while to decide they can be vulnerable, you know?
It's Honestly Exhausting
At this point, it might just be easier to copy and paste the response to that question to all the chats you have going on and hope that none of these guys talk to one another.
Crisis Averted
We feel so justified in hating on men until they go and do what it was we were waiting for them to do...or at least something that vaguely resembles that.
