What Is A ‘Band-Aid’ Girlfriend And How To Know If You Are One
We hear a lot of dating terms going around these days, and it's hard to keep track of what they all are. It's even harder to think back on your relationships and look at your current one and wonder, are any of these something that has happened to me? Have I done any of these things to other people? These terms have obviously been created for a reason, right? They have to happen often enough.
This newest dating term is one that immediately brought flashbacks from failed relationships to my mind. Will it for you? Let's talk about band-aid girlfriends.
So, What Is A Band-Aid Girlfriend?
A band-aid girlfriend is someone a guy keeps around just to hold him together. He's using you as an emotional crutch, an ego-boost.
It might be hard to notice at first because it might appear like he's really into you, but there are some signs you can look out for.
He's Told You He's Going Through A Hard Time
One of the biggest red flags is if you seem to connect on the fact that you're both going through a hard time, or if you started being his friend because he felt like he could talk to you.
While it isn't bad to know you have each other's back, ask yourself, is this what we bonded over? Being upset about something?
He Tells You You're The Only One Who Gets Him
It might seem like a compliment at first, but being the "only person who gets him" is a lot of pressure and not a standard that anyone can live up to.
If he tells you this often, it could be because he's looking for that validation that he isn't crazy. It's manipulative. He's trying to get you to feel like you have to be there for him.
He's Pretty Clingy
When you start dating or hanging out, it might seem like he's really into it because he's texting you every morning and all day—he even messages you randomly about hanging out.
But it's also him blowing up your phone when you're busy and calling you at all hours of the night to vent about something. He's taking advantage of your willingness to be there for him.
He Guilt Trips You
A guy who is using you as has band-aid girlfriend is probably going to try and guilt you into spending time with him and listening to him vent about whatever is bothering him.
He expects you to be available to him 24/7 and that just isn't healthy. You both need to have your own lives.
He Starts To Change When His Circumstances Do
In the beginning, he was really affectionate with you and couldn't wait to spend time with you. You felt like you were cared about.
That all changes when he starts to feel better. You notice that he's a little more distant than he used to be and he doesn't need to talk or want to see you as much. You're starting to feel like he only wants you around when he needs something.
He Treats You Like A Therapist
If you spend all your time listening to him talk about his problems and he never checks in with you and how you're doing, you're just being his therapist.
Can you get a word in before he cuts you off to go on about himself again? Do you really feel like he has your back as much as you have his?
He Can't Really Explain Why He Likes Being With You
Has he ever really told you why he likes being with you? If it feels like he only wants to be around you because you help make him a better person, that might be a red flag.
I know that sounds like a good thing, but if that's the only reason, then he's just using you to make what he's struggling with easier. You have something to offer him that he needs.
He's Only Affectionate When It's Convenient To Him
Any time he feels like you're pulling away or losing interest in his antics, that's when he turns up the charm and becomes the number one boyfriend.
The more he wants from you, the more he seems to do nice things for you like buy you flowers and shower you with compliments.
He Uses You For Validation
If you're his band-aid girlfriend, he's using you as validation to make himself feel like he's attractive and valuable. It's all about his ego.
Does he make an attempt to know you on a deeper level? If you're a band-aid girlfriend, he probably doesn't. But he asks you all the time why you like being with him.
He's Got Excuses For Everything
When it comes time for him to be there for you, or you just ask him to hang out with you when he doesn't need to vent about something and he's suddenly super busy, that's him telling you it doesn't matter to him.
He doesn't care about you the same way you care about being there for him.
He Talks About How Emotionally Damaged He Is
If he's one of these guys who goes on and on about how damaged he is and how no one could ever love him, you should just save yourself a lot of drama and leave.
He's using you to build himself back up from whatever damaged him and just needs you to tell him over and over all the things that are good about him.
He Acts More Single Than Taken
You've noticed that on his social media and when he's on his own, he acts more single than he does taken. Is he affectionate with you in public? Do you post pictures of each other online or tag each other in things?
If he's not serious about you beyond you being his emotional crutch, then he doesn't think you're in a relationship that has a real future, and he's probably looking for someone else.
He Never Really Introduces You To His Friends
The same goes if you find that he isn't introducing you to his friends. He doesn't want them to get to know you because he knows that your relationship isn't a serious one.
He's keeping you on dial as his therapist and emotional support, not as someone he wants to build a future with.
You Never Really Know When You're Going To Hang Out
He wants to see you constantly when he's down, but you never really make any concrete plans to spend time together outside that.
When was the last time you went for dinner? Saw a movie? Spent time together during the day on a weekend?
Being Around Him Makes You Feel Exhausted
You might not notice it at first, but over time, you'll find that spending time with him is exhausting. He's literally sucking all the emotional energy out of you.
Is your energy and well-being worth sacrificing for his?
He Just Got Out Of A Pretty Serious Relationship
If he just got out of a serious relationship, he's probably just looking for a distraction, no matter how much he tells you that isn't the case.
We've all made someone our rebound before, so be smart enough to see it if that's what is happening.
He's Hesitant About Being Serious
You're incredibly involved in his life when it comes to him being upset about something, but when it comes to your relationship, he doesn't have much interest in talking about being serious.
He likes things the way that they are and tells you that, but the way they are is a gray area. Are you OK with that?
He Compares You To His Ex
We all do this sometimes. It's hard not to because we can only draw on our past relationships.
But if you hear him saying out loud to you, "my ex would never do this," or "when I asked her to do this she would freak out," then you should know that he's trying to make you be his idealized version of her.
So, What Now?
It's hard to realize that you might just be someone's band-aid girlfriend, but it's an important thing to understand.
Don't let yourself be used by someone who is only interested in you in the short term because he needs someone to take care of him.
