What Is ‘Manification’ And How Can You Avoid Doing it?
Dating seems to only get more and more complicated as time goes on. We have all these new terms to refer to things that are new in dating, or things that had always happened that we'd never really given a name to before. It can be hard to know where to start or even if the thing you're going through has a name!
There is something, though, that we've all been guilty of at one time or another: manification.
So, What Is Manification?
Basically, it's what happens when you meet someone and you immediately decide he's perfect. You magnify all his good traits and really just try and force him into that mold you have for the perfect man of your dreams.
How Can You Know You're Doing It?
Obviously, this isn't something that any of us want to make a habit of doing, so it's important to see the signs that it might be a trap we are falling into before it's too late.
You Think He's Perfect
Well, for starters, the biggest sign is that you catch yourself thinking that he's literally the most perfect person you've ever met. They're certainly not perfect, because no one is, and if you've just started dating, there is no way to know if they are perfect for you.
You Drop Everything For Him
It can be tempting when you start dating someone new to want to drop everything to be there with them and do things with them. You want to seem like you're interested and available. But if you're bailing on things like work, plans with friends, and just yourself in general, it might be a sign you're manificationing your new man.
You See Zero Red Flags
Like we said, no one is perfect, and even when you're dating someone who has a lot of promise, there tends to be one red flag or two. They're not always big and deal-breaking, but they're there. If you don't see any at all, that's not a good sign.
You're Building Him Up
Obviously, you want to build up your man, but don't do it to the point that you're only seeing the things that are good and even kind of blowing those things out of proportion. You won't be doing anyone any favors.
You're Getting Way Ahead Of Yourself
If you're hearing wedding bells and have dusted off that future wedding Pinterest board, you might be getting ahead of yourself, especially if you just started dating the person you're with. It's too soon to know that, so you might be projecting.
You're Putting Yourself On The Back Burner
Your needs are just as important as their needs, so make sure that you're not putting anything or anyone before what's going to keep you feeling strong and healthy and looked after.
You Feel Insecure Around Him
This may seem like it wouldn't be the case, but think about it. If you're making him out to be this perfect person, then you're probably going to start thinking that you're not good enough for him, and that's going to make you insecure.
You Make Excuses For Him
If you find that you're making excuses for him because he's doing stuff he shouldn't be, then you're almost certainly doing some manification. Remember that he's not more special than a normal human and there are certain things you just can't excuse.
You Talk Him Up Constantly
You're hanging out with your friends and you're talking about him constantly, but not only that, you're probably talking about him in such a way that it's kind of annoying to listen to, and it almost seems like you're trying to convince your friends he's good.
There Are Things You Can Do To Stop Yourself
If you know that you do some of these things and you can catch yourself doing them, there are some things you can do to keep yourself in check and keep those feelings at bay.
Keep Some Perspective
Before anything else, try and keep some perspective on the situation. You just started dating this person and you're getting to know them. They may seem perfect, but remember that no one ever is.
Take Things Slow
Taking things slow is probably just a good idea no matter what your headspace is going into a new relationship. It will give you time to take everything in and learn what you need to learn to make informed decisions.
Listen To The Opinions Of Your Friends And Family
Listen to what your friends and family have to say. You don't have to take their word as gospel, but it does make sense to listen to the people in your life who know you well.
Have Constructive Conversations With Him
Don't get too swept up in the feelings you're feeling, and try to make sure that the conversations you're having with one another are constructive and actually are teaching you things about him.
Know What You Won't Compromise On
Before even entering a new relationship, know what it is in your life that you're not willing to compromise on and what you are willing to be a little bit more flexible with.
Pay Attention To Red Flags
The red flags are going to be there, so make sure that you're not missing them. Don't nitpick at every little thing, but be certain to keep your wits about you.
Be OK With Being Alone
One of the most important things you can do before going into a new relationship is knowing that you're also OK with being single. Having this kind of confidence in yourself will go a long way.
Trust Your Gut
This one pretty much goes without saying, but your gut always knows. Trust your gut and those little nagging feelings even if you want to ignore them—they're there for a reason.
