Bisexual Woman Shares What It’s Like To Date Men Vs. Women
Dating each individual person is a unique experience, but there are some experiences that tend to be more common with men than with women and vice versa. As a bisexual woman who has dated individuals of both genders, I've noticed a few common patterns.
So, here is what it's like to date men vs. what it's like to date women.
Women Tend To Get Serious Faster
I find that, when dating men, the early stages are all about feeling each other out and getting to know each other in a fun, casual way. Labels and commitment come eventually, but there's not a rush to get there.
In contrast, when dating women, I find that things move a lot faster: you're both professing feelings to each other much earlier, and the conversations are deeper right off the bat—I recently went on a first date where we discussed our childhood traumas half an hour in.
It's Easier To Gauge Men's Interest
I find that men tend to clearly act in different ways depending on how they view you—uninterested, romantically interested, sexually interested, or friendly—from the get-go, so it's not too hard to get a feel for if they want to take the next step.
In contrast, I find that since women are socialized to be warm and friendly and it's more normal for women to platonically share some level of physical intimacy, I struggle more to figure out what they want. There have been countless times where I've had to wonder, "Is she gay and flirting with me, or is she straight and just being nice?"
There Are Fewer Safety Concerns In Dating Women
It's an unfortunate reality, but when it comes to dating as a woman, you have to think about your own safety. When I go on dates with men, I'm very careful to meet them in a public space, retain control over my own drinks, and always have a friend know where exactly I am at any time.
In contrast, since there's less of a physical threat when dating women, I tend to be a little more relaxed and less concerned about my safety. I'm way more open to having a dinner date at her house earlier than I would be with a male romantic interest.
Men Tend To Make The First Move More Often
As a society, we have kind of made it the norm for men to chase and make the first moves, while women are chased and accept advances. I find that I am much more likely to get asked on a date by a man than I am by a woman who might be attracted to me.
Similarly, I find myself more likely to make the first move with a woman than I am with a man.
Dating Women Can Be Socially More Complicated
I mean, no matter your social circle, it is a bit of a small world, but I find that it's especially true for the wlw (women who love women) community in comparison to dating men. The chances that a new female romantic interest has previously dated a friend/ex-girlfriend/someone else I know before always seems much higher than when I meet male romantic interests—there always just seem to be more degrees of separation with men.
It's Easier To Find Male Partners, Numberswise
I don't know if it just has to do with where I live, but I find that, as a numbers game, there tend to be more available men than women for me to date. Perhaps it's just my perception, but even when using dating apps, I tend to find there are more male profiles to go through.
Of course, there are a lot of reasons for that: for example, many lesbian, bisexual, and pansexual, etc. women may be partially closeted and therefore less open about their interest. Either way, in terms of numbers, I find it easier to catch dates with men.
It's Easier To Choose A Movie With Women On A Night In
Let's be honest: while movies are not inherently gendered and interests aren't inherently gendered either, there are a lot of movies that women tend to like more than men and vice versa. When dating a woman, she tends to be just as excited to watch Legally Blonde or other classic "chick flicks," whereas I tend to find it harder to settle on a movie we both want to watch when dating a man.
There Is A Clearer Social Protocol When Dating Men
We tend to have a lot of rules set up around heterosexual relationships and dating. For example, there's almost a social code that indicates that a man should pay for the first date with a woman.
In contrast, I find that same-sex relationships don't have the same dynamic set up, so a lot of it is more experimental and you almost figure things out as you go.
I Personally Find It Easier To Be Open With Female Love Interests
There's no denying that men and women tend to experience the world very differently and we are also socialized very differently. When I'm dating women, I tend to find that it's easier for me to open up early on.
For example, I feel much more comfortable asking to reschedule a date and explaining that I'm simply feeling depressed at the moment when talking to a woman, but I personally feel like I need to give a more tangible excuse (e.g. working late) when trying to cancel and reschedule with a man.
Other People Are More Comfortable When I Date Men
As much as I have many progressive friends and family members, I find that (apart from my LGBTQ+ friends) most people are more comfortable when I'm dating men. Perhaps it's because it's more in their range of understanding or closer to the "norms" we have, but they tend to be a little less awkward when I have a boyfriend. This is especially true for my parents, who (while supportive) are still a little confused by same-sex relationships.
However, The Similarities Outweigh The Differences
All in all, while there are some differences between dating men and women, there are a lot more similarities. It's all about two people trying to get to know each other, clashes in degrees of interest, and a whole lot of awkward first dates. People, despite gender, really are looking for the same thing in the long run: a good connection that can lead to a loving relationship.
