So Your Ex Just Texted You—Now What?
After you break up with someone, most people tend to take a break from communicating, often for the foreseeable future. However, sometimes an ex will reach out and text you, usually hitting you up with some kind "hey stranger..." text, especially if it's around a holiday or your birthday, or something that seems like a good excuse to text you. But it can be overwhelming to get a text from an ex, so what should you do?
Stop And Breathe
First and foremost, just put the phone down and take some deep breaths. Nothing needs to happen right now in this second, so take a moment to cool down and collect yourself. Let it all sink in.
Think About Why He Might Be Texting You
Think about why he might be texting you. There are so many reasons. Could it be that he's bored? Could he just need the pick-me-up for his ego? Does he need someone to talk to, or do you think he wants to reconnect?
Be Blunt—Ask What He Wants
If you're not interested in making the small talk that comes when you text your ex back, don't be afraid to blunt and ask him what it is he's after.
Keep Your Boundries Firm
It can be really easy to just get mushy and excited when you're talking to an ex, especially one that you might miss, but keep your boundaries strong. You're not together, and there is a reason for that. It also means they don't have the same access to your life that they did before.
Remember Why You Broke Up
Again, remember that you're not together anymore and there is a reason for that. No matter how or why you broke up, you did make the decision not to be together, and that's not a decision anyone makes lightly. It's important you understand it didn't work the first time, so why would having this person back in your life work now?
Don't Jeopardize Where You're At Now
If you're feeling really good about your life and where you are, or if you're dating someone else now and you're happy with that relationship, be careful about how letting that ex back into your life can affect those things.
Remember You Don't Have To Be Nice
You don't owe your ex anything. There is no reason for you to be nice to them if you don't want to be, especially if you broke up for a bad reason like they cheated or were unkind to you.
Stay Skeptical Of The Situation
Don't let yourself get too hopeful because you could just end up letting yourself down. Be skeptical about why they want to talk to you, especially if they're being dodgy about why they're messaging you.
Take Your Time Responding
You have all the time in the world, and you don't need to answer right away. You can take a couple of hours, or you can take a couple of days. If you plan to answer, do it when you feel ready.
Think About If You Really Want Them In Your Life
It can be tempting and exciting to think about having someone back in your life if you miss them, but just because you want them there doesn't mean that they should be. Is it really a good idea to open these doors again? Remember how they made you feel, and how you felt about yourself when they were around.
Don't Count On Getting Closure
If you think they're messaging you to get closure, think again. I hate to break it to you, but closure isn't something that really exists. Things are always going to feel a bit unfinished and like things were left unsaid, and rehashing things isn't going to help.
Ask Yourself If You Really Want To Get Back Together
Before you answer them, think about what your response is going to be to the things that they might ask you, most importantly, consider if you even want to entertain getting back together.
Keep The Texting Short
You don't have to go into writing each other novels to catch up. A lot can get lost in texting, so, if you want to reconnect and catch up, try and make plans to meet up. If they're hesitant to do so, that in itself will be telling.
Process How You're Feeling
It can be hard in the moment to work out how you're feeling about the text. Process how you're feeling before you text them back, and how you're feeling as the conversation goes on.
Talk To Someone About It
One of the best things that you can do is text a friend or family member who was there with you through the breakup so that they can give your memory a little jog and be your voice of reason.
Make Sure To Manage Your Expectations
Don't get too ahead of yourself. You don't know what is going to happen or how either of you will react if you reconnect with one another. He could also just be messaging you for reasons that aren't getting back together.
Don't Be Afraid To Block Them
If you don't want to talk to them, you don't have to! Don't be afraid to block them or just straight up ignore their text. You don't owe them anything.
Try Not To Give Too Much Away
You don't want to go telling them everything about your life after they text you. Like we said, keep your guard up. They don't need to know everything about you and what's going on.
Don't Chase Them
If you get caught up in the moment and start texting each other again more regularly, don't chase him. He initiated this contact and he can put in the effort to keep it up.
Ultimately, Listen To Your Gut
At the end of the day, you know you, and you know what happened between you and your ex, and because of that, listening to your gut is the best thing that you can do.
