Why The Initial Stages Of Dating Are The Worst
Let's face it: all of the stages of dating are pretty bad. Yet we all keep finding ourselves fighting between not wanting to die alone and trying to date only to remember how much work and disappointment it actually is.
Let me tell you, there are a lot of reasons why dating would drive anyone insane.
Stressing Over Every Little Thing
It's so hard not to overthink in the early stages. You don't know them that well, so you never know what they're thinking or what their intentions are, so you're constantly going through every possible scenario.
There is so much uncertainty about where this could go, and naturally, you'll assume the worst.
Feeling Like Every Date Has To Be Elaborately Planned
They planned the first date, so now you feel pressured to match the really cool vintage restaurant they picked, but you also don't want to do another dinner date because you're worried you'll run out of things to talk about.
So you frantically google "good but not expensive local date spots" and hope for the best.
Having To Look "Good"
Can we skip to the part where you've gone five days without showering, just woke up without makeup up, and your hair is messy, and you're ordering in all day because neither one of you wants to move their butt?
You can only plan so many cute outfits and put in an hour getting ready so many times before you need to show the real you.
"He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not..."
You know they're still deciding whether they like you, so you're scared you'll give them a reason not to. You don't want to get too attached in case they lose interest, but you're already showing your mom pictures of them.
When will they just tell you? What if they say yes then change their mind?
Having To Be Vulnerable Again
"That leap of faith becomes harder with each new relationship, and that's the sad part of it. You feel protective of your heart. Like all that coronavirus toilet paper you’ve stockpiled, you’re afraid to use too much, in case you run out and can’t find anymore." —Farimah Fiddy / Quora
The wall you built up only gets higher and higher with each new disappointment and heartbreak.
Trying Not To Get Too Attached
The line between showing interest and coming on too strong and giving clingy vibes is so thin. Clearly, you'd like to know why it took them three business days to get back to you, but you feel like you have no right to demand a reason.
But you also know you'll ask them anyway in a super passive-aggressive "subtle" way.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
It's a lot easier to get caught up in the words of someone new and exciting when you don't have to match their words to their actions.
They can easily tell you how much they really like you and all the things they'd like to plan with you, but what are they really doing to support it? And how much time do you give them to prove it?
Knowing How To Be A Person
Dating can bring up so much anxiety that you literally forget how to act and speak. Your emotions take over your mind.
Logic goes out the window while you desperately try to cover up how crazy you're actually feeling.
Anything That Has To Do With Labels
At what point are you entitled to ask them if they're seeing anyone else, and when can you get upset at them that you're not exclusive yet?
Also, does exclusive mean "official," or do they differentiate between the two? One of you is bound to break and bring up the dreaded "talk."
Giving Up Part Of Yourself
"I think the hardest part in starting a new relationship is losing yourself in the relationship. It's hard to make room for this new person in your life without taking parts of yourself away. Love is addictive, it’s hard to break away from it." —Charissa Enget / Quora
You find yourself having to rework your whole routine and now have to work around someone else's schedule.
Becoming An FBI-Level Stalker
It's only the second date, but you already know their hour of birth, where they went on holidays in 2010, their mother's maiden name, and your best friend has compiled an Excel sheet of all their exes, their breakup date and reason, and confirmed that you're "way better looking."
Now you're still checking the last time they were active every other second to make sure they're not purposely ignoring you.
Balancing Texting Etiquette
You want to be flirty but not too forward. You don't want to text back right away so as to not seem too eager but still interested. You want to say yes every time they ask to hang out, but you also want to pretend that you have a life.
It's so hard to find the right balance.
Having To Sit Through Too Many Awkward First Dates
"Finding out you have no connection once you meet them and still having to go through the event (the first date). Online dating is the worst for this." —jollyollyman / Reddit
You can usually tell within the first few minutes if your date has any potential for you. Once you conclude that it's a no, the rest of the date feels like a dreadful countdown.
Trying To Make Monogamy Happen
Commitment issues are at an all-time high. Everyone seems to have them and is just going around spreading them because their inability to commit scares the next person who's ready to commit to them, and so that person has issues now too, and so on.
Dealing With Ghosting
"It's a terrible thing to waste someone's time postponing dates or having them figure out you are not interested after you talked with them for weeks. Just tell them you don't feel it, they will respect you more for it." —LIVIU24 / Reddit
We all have modern dating to thank for having created "ghosting," where you drive yourself crazy trying to figure why someone suddenly lost interest and disappeared off the face of the Earth with no explanation.
Trying Not To Rush Anything
"The hardest part is preventing yourself from rushing in, declaring love, and getting too intimate too quickly. It's very hard not to do this when you are overcome with lust and over-excitement!" —Diana Hockley / Quora
Although slow and steady wins the race, sometimes, neither one of you realizes how fast it's going at first, and you get too caught up only for problems to arise out of that.
Wondering What Counts As A Red Flag And How Many Are Okay
Basically, anything that doesn't feel right, upsets you, or doesn't align with your beliefs and values is a red flag. Red flags can be both objective and subjective—some are just that your goals don't align, while others are dangerous in the way they treat you.
In a way, everything and anything can feel like a red flag, so how do you know where to draw the line?!
Not Wanting To Scare Them Off
To get to know each other and get closer, you need to open up and talk about your past and what you hope for the future.
Yet it's so difficult to recognize when you've shared too much too quickly and have made them so uncomfortable that they're ready to run for the hills.
Comparing Them To Your Ex
You can't help but wonder if they'll ever kiss your shoulder the way your ex knew you loved and if they'll also text your coworker behind your back and expect you not to find out, also like your ex did.
All you have to base the new relationship on is what you've already known and experienced.
The Constant Evaluation
"It is a constant evaluation. People are judging you based on your looks, mannerisms, personality, hobbies, etc. It's never fun to be measured and found lacking, especially if you think you might like the other person." —MademoiselleEcarlate / Reddit
Suddenly, you feel like you're back in school, except this time with no textbook. You want to be yourself, but you're scared it won't be good enough. If it's not, though, then it's their loss!
