Woman’s Relationship Starts To Worry Her Best Friend, So She Asks The Internet What She Should Do
Good friends are the ones who look out for you and want what's best for you and your relationship, but it can be hard sometimes to spot the signs that pop up when a good relationship turns sour.
In a now-deleted Reddit post, user "Porcusor" was facing a similar problem when she suspected that her best friend Kate's once healthy relationship had taken a turn for the worse. Before she reached out to Kate and others, she asked people on Reddit if what she was seeing are really signs that things needed to change.
Backstory: Kate Had Helped Porcusor When She Needed It The Most
Kate was a good friend to Porcusor when she was in a tough situation and for that she's eternally grateful. If you're afraid your own friend might be in a relationship like this one, don't be afraid to reach out and get help involved—because they might really need you to.
Meet Doug, Kate's Boyfriend Since High School
When you've been dating someone for a long time it can be easy to start going blind to their faults and start brushing off the not-so-pleasant things they do as quirks. It's even easier to stop noticing if you're living together.
A Clean Freak... Or Wanting To Always Place Blame?
It seems like Doug wants to pick fights with Kate to gain some sort of upper hand in the relationship. Little fights over nothing or things you can't control is one of the telltale signs that your relationship has turned toxic and you need to make a change for the better.
Doug Has To Be There For Everything
If the TV show was really that important to Doug he should've stayed home and watched it rather than insisting on tagging alone with two girlfriends who haven't seen each other in a while. It's important to establish boundaries in your relationship, and if you think your partner is being too clingy, tell them to back off.
He Keeps Tabs And Isn't Subtle About It
I'm not convinced this was a joke—it sounds more like Doug was trying to keep tabs on Kate when she wasn't with him. If your partner can't relax and let you have fun with your friends without messaging you, that could be a sign they don't trust you or have control issues.
He Insisted On Coming Again...
Doug sounds like a new dog that can't spend a day alone by themselves yet. He needs to pull back and find other reasons to get out of the house that doesn't involve Kate's social life because that's nothing short of being a nuisance, controlling, and way too clingy.
He Just Sat There, Complained, And Listened To Their Conversation
I think we've all had a meal with a person who does this—they want to come if only to make a point that they're too cool to be there. If Kate looks uncomfortable when he's there, it could be a sign that she's fed up with his peacocking and constant complaints.
He Wanted To Cut Things Short... Again
Of course, he did. Besides being an exhausting person to be around, it seems like Doug wants Kate all to himself and it bothers him that he has to share her with her best friend in the first place. Do we think he left to watch that all-important show again?
She Couldn't Take It Anymore So She Spoke Up
We all need a friend like Porcusor who's not afraid to speak her mind and not let Doug monopolize Kate. Even if this wasn't a sign of a controlling boyfriend, it's just plain rude to try and cut the time two friends are spending together short.
Doug Agreed, But The Issue Still Remained
Even though he didn't drag Kate away from the restaurant, Doug still effectively ruined their time and his behavior raised a lot of questions. It's good that Porcusor is a good friend and sees the signs when things are off when it would be easier to keep quiet.
People Sounded Off With Support
Porcusor got plenty of people voicing their support for her attention and care and reassuring her that she's not just seeing things—Doug is being too controlling. She told commenters she would bring the issue up with Kate and others if necessary.
Read On For Signs That Your Own Friend May Be In A Controlling Relationship
If reading Kate and Doug's story makes you concerned that your own friend might be in a relationship that's more controlling than comforting, read on for tell-tale signs and how you can help them. Because nobody wants to be a Doug-enabler.
They Have To Always Text Their Partner
If your friend's significant other needs a constant stream of attention from them if they're separated it's probably because the person has their own insecurity issues and is making themselves feel better by exerting more control over your friend's life by constantly texting them. Not only is this rude and toxic, but this totally eats up their phone data.
They're Insecure About Things They Didn't Care About Before
Garbage controlling partners want the people they're in relationships with to feel crappy about themselves so they won't leave them and they can keep on controlling them. It's a sick move, but if your friend starts complaining about themselves in ways they didn't before, maybe check in on them to make sure their partner isn't making them feel insecure.
Their Partner Is Always Picking Fights
There's nothing that screams toxic and controlling more than a partner that constantly wants to fight about stuff. It can be exhausting for your friend, so just let them know that when their partner wants to have a screaming match about how they folded the towels they're not wrong for thinking they're crazy.
They're Happy One Day And Sad The Next
If your friend is in a relationship with a controlling person, they're probably going through an emotional rollercoaster trying to bend over backward to make the controlling person happy. So naturally, there are good days and bad days. If you feel like your friend is having a lot of bad ones, check-in and ask them if everything is alright.
You Can't Get In Touch With Them
If all of a sudden your messages are being left on read, you haven't seen your friend in a while, and they've been weirdly quiet on social media, it could be a sign that their partner is monopolizing them and their attention. Don't let this person isolate your friend in order to have more control over them—keep reaching out and let them know you're there for them.
There's Always An Excuse For Their Partner's Actions
Despite you, your friend, and pretty much everyone knowing that your friend's partner is controlling, your friend still tries to justify their actions like Kate did. Your friend knows what their partner is doing is wrong, but they're probably just overwhelmed and need time to think about what they're going to do about the relationship. So give them a little thinking space and let them come to the same conclusion you're at (that their partner is trash).
You Can Help Them By Listening
All you can really do is be a sympathetic ear for your friend because it's not your life and relationship. However, if you suspect things are worse than your friend is letting on, a call to their parents and reaching out to other sources of support may be a necessary step you should take.
Help Build Their Confidence
If their controlling partner has stripped your friend's confidence down and made them insecure, the best thing you can do is build it back up again. Shower them with love, compliments, and support and you'll see a change in your friend's happiness. Hopefully, it's a change that'll inspire them to make difficult decisions about their relationship.
