Deal-Breaking Struggles In Every Relationship
You might think you can finally relax once you've finally locked them down and put a label on it, but that's really when the hard work comes in. From trying to keep it exciting to constantly fearing the future, you start to wonder if this is how it's supposed to even feel.
Lucky for you, you're not the only one to struggle. These are some of the most common struggles that every couple has.
Realizing That Love Is Not Enough
A relationship is daily hard work that entails so much more than love. Someone can love you and still not be able to give what you need.
On top of love, you need commitment, trust, equal give and take, and a balance of bonding time and independent time.
Establishing Boundaries
You can't expect that your partner will just magically know where you draw the line, because the line is drawn at a different spot on a case by case basis. What you define as emotional cheating may be different than their definition, for example.
These boundaries will come up as you go, but make sure you address them before they start to accumulate.
Not Feeling Like The Number One Priority
Although you should usually prioritize each other, you don't need to be each other's number one priority at all times. It can sting finding out that your partner chose a night out with friends over coming to your family dinner, but it's sometimes a thing that happens.
What matters is that you communicate to each other how you feel and allow each other to give other people and things priority, too, from time to time.
Holding Things Back To "Protect" Your Partner
"Most of the time, people think that some piece of information or some deep feelings would be too much for their partner and decide not to tell them for fear of hurting them or losing them.
"Sometimes, some things are better left in the closet. But many things are better if shared. Problems come if and when the partner comes to know of what you had hidden away...." —Raakhee V. Menon / Quora
Spending Too Much Time Together
Even if you live together, it doesn't mean that you should be spending every waking moment together every day. That's enough to drive anyone crazy. You begin to notice their flaws and the things they did you once thought were cute now get on your nerves.
You need time apart to recharge, to think, and even to miss each other.
Money Matters Come Between You
Financial differences may not seem like a big deal at first, but eventually, they start to take their toll when one partner isn't able to meet the other's expectations and needs.
When one partner becomes more responsible for the money, it creates an uneven dynamic that can entice resentment and distance.
The Grass Might Seem Greener On The Other Side
The more serious a relationship becomes, the scarier it can be. Your lives become more intertwined, and that comes with some kind of pressure for an everlasting future. However, one day one of you finds yourself attracted to someone else and you start to question everything.
You wonder if the grass is greener on the other side, or if this truly the person you're meant to be with.
Lack Of Physical Intimacy
There will be times when you can't keep your hands off of each other, and there will be times where you go weeks without touching each other. The reality is that as important as it is to feel close physically, life often gets in the way.
One of you may be too tired, too stressed, or in a weird place and simply not be in the mood for a while. That's no reason for the other one to feel undesirable.
Keeping Up With Life's Only Constant: Change
"The hardest part about any kind of relationship is to maintain it healthy for long periods of time. As time changes, some people change too, so the most difficult part is to consistently be in good communication. It takes patience, sacrifice, and effort." —Nishan Niz / Quora
You can still grow together and change together as long as you accept and adapt to those changes.
You Don't Get Along With Their Family (Or Vice Versa)
The bad news is you can't choose what family you or they come from, but the good news is you've made the choice to have each other as your own little family.
They are independent from where they come from, so as long as you can get through the few awkward family dinners, you're the ones stuck with one another the rest of the time.
Fighting About The Same Things Over And Over
Revisiting the same conflicts all over again a long way into your relationship can become nerve-racking and counterproductive. Often enough, it's the little things that keep coming up, like who was supposed to take the garbage out.
You have to be able to keep looking at the big picture and face the issue together, not against each other.
The Power Dynamic Struggle
"The fact that at one point or another, you take turns submitting to one another. No one can be completely in charge all the time." —G. Green / Quora
The thing is, neither party should be the one "to wear the pants" while the other just agrees to everything. Both parties need to be given equal say and importance to reach a compromise. Otherwise, you have an unhealthy power balance.
Feelings Of Jealousy
We're all human, and we all have the capacity to feel insecure. It's okay to feel it, but how you act on it is what can lead to serious issues.
You can try to communicate it and ask for some validation, but if it becomes a constant thing, then you might need to look inward and work on building self-confidence.
Not Just Listening But Feeling Heard
One of the worst feelings is pouring your heart out in a sincere attempt to communicate and be understood only for the other people to just answer on the spot just to make the situation pass. You end up feeling like they didn't actually hear a word you said.
There needs to be a clear, open, and reciprocated line of communication.
Not Being Able To Help When They're Down
Sometimes, your partner will go through something difficult and there will be nothing you can say or do to make it better. Feeling helpless may cause feelings of guilt and even put pressure on them to know what it is they need.
Or they may put that pressure on you themselves. Usually, you just need to wait for it to pass.
Not Relating To One Another
You won't always understand why football games are so important to them on Sundays, and they might never understand why you cried when they didn't like your shirt.
You just have to try to see why they would feel that even if you don't necessarily agree with it.
Forgiving A Mistake
"It's very easy to start a relationship, but it’s very tough to build it up. The hardest part is to accept that your partner is also a human being and sometimes a mistake happens, sometimes they say bad things and they don’t mean it." —Nishant Yadav / Quora
There will be a day where you slip up too, and you will also hope for forgiveness.
Losing Yourself
Relationships can take so much time and effort out of you that you have none left for yourself. There is a difference between compromise and entirely giving yourself up.
For a healthy relationship, you need to still be you, to practice your hobbies, and to see your friends and do the things that make you happy even if your partner doesn't enjoy or partake in them.
Not Knowing When Enough Is Enough
The hardest part of a relationship is not knowing when to walk away. It's when you know things are bad and they're not going to get better, but you cling to every ounce of hope and live in memories of the past.
Sometimes you need to take it for what it was and be grateful for the memories before the relationship escalates even worse and you walk away with more regrets and hate for one another.
