Red Flags That They’re Trying To Destroy Your Self-Esteem
There was once a time when you were confident, full of hope and excitement about life. Now you're just trying to get through the rest of the day without setting off your partner. How did you get here? Here are some of the red flags you might have missed.
They Take The Lead In Decisions
You may not notice it at first, but it starts off in small decisions, like how even though you wanted to order Chinese, you ordered the A&W burger they wanted.
Then you think you're being a good partner and compromising, except you never actually get a say, and your preferences get brushed off.
They Don't Try To Understand You
Every time you try to express how you're feeling, they tell you to "just get over it." Even when you elaborate on why, you feel like you're talking to a wall.
They're putting no effort into trying to see things from your perspective or to take accountability for having upset you.
They Try To Compare You
They keep telling you how they wish you looked like that skinny girl on television, or if only you could bake like their mom.
They want you to somehow be perfect and do it all, and they forget to take into account that you're only human and have feelings.
They Don't Do Anything To Make You Feel Special
You're not asking for much, you just wish they'd give you flowers every once in a while, or take over making dinner so you can have the night off, and maybe even throw in a compliment here and there.
The only time they do is when they want something; otherwise, they don't bother making a genuine effort to show you how much you matter to them.
They Never Let You Live A Mistake Down
You've already apologized a million times for having left the milk out overnight one time, and yet every day they keep on reminding you of the money wasted and how you're unable to do anything right.
They Interrupt You When You're Speaking
They constantly talk over you as if nothing you say has substance and matters to them. When they let you talk, you know they've tuned out and are just nodding so that you get to your point and stop. They don't actually engage or show interest in what you have to say.
They Take No Interest In Your Passions
You could've just came home with the Nobel Peace Prize of 2020 and they wouldn't bat an eye. They refuse to give any of your shows or music a chance, and unless they're picking the location of the date, they're not going.
This completely demeans your interests and makes them seem less valuable than theirs.
They Play On Your Fears
They take your fears and build on them. This keeps you needing their protection so that you feel helpless alone.
Plus, it makes it less likely for you to take a risk that would advance you further than them.
They Purposely Make You Jealous
They're constantly bragging about how they can't help that Brenda is constantly flirting with them in the break room, and they make a point to tell you not to worry that their DMs are so full of messages.
They're just trying to mess with your mind so that you feel lucky to have them and stay with them.
They Turn The Tables On You
Somehow, arguments that they started end with you apologizing. Instead of taking accountability for their mistakes, they turn the argument around and deflect the blame to make you feel guilty for being upset with them in the first place and demeaning their character. They're gaslighting you.
They Complain About Your Friends
In an attempt to isolate you from your loved ones, they go on about how much they don't like your friends. They might even tell you that your friends are jealous of you or aren't treating you right.
They can go as far as getting upset with you every time you do go see your friends.
Their Body Language Is Negative Around You
Body language speaks for itself. A simple eye roll reveals how annoyed they are with what you just said. Watch out for them crossing their arms, looking at a phone screen when you're talking, or generally looking distracted as if anything around you is more important than what you're saying.
They're Always Making "Suggestions"
They seem to always have a "better" way than you for doing things. You're doing a good job cooking, but you should probably add more salt. You look nice in that shirt, but the yellow one looked better.
Slowly, they take away your autonomy and have you looking for their approval.
Their Love Is Conditional
They've got you conditioned by making you feel like their love is a reward. They'll only be affectionate with you if you do things "right." You constantly feel like you need to earn their love or that you may not be good enough for them. You'll stretch yourself thin always trying to do "the right things."
You Can't Ever Read Them
They're hot then they're cold, and you never know which one you're going to get. You walk on eggshells because you're scared you'll set them off.
Once they turn on you, they basically become a different person. Even though they're the ones in control of their reactions, they still manage to blame you for "pushing" them.
They Start Fights About Nothing
They can't let go of anything. You may think that everything is going fine, then all of a sudden, they're getting mad at you because they thought they heard you use attitude in your voice. They want to keep you in a state of guilt and submission. That and they thrive on the drama.
They're Always Postponing
They never do what you ask them right away because they never prioritize it. They somehow always feel sick or too tired to go on your planned dates. They can never find the time to come meet your family.
Yet when they ask you to hand them a beer, they want it right away.
They Refuse To Argue
Although arguing isn't always a good thing, sometimes confrontations need to be had. Yet, every time you try to bring up an issue, they shut it down and make it clear that it's not worthy of a debate.
They're making it seem like they think they're always right anyway and make you feel worthless for even trying.
They Make A Point To Check Everything You Do
As if you're an incapable kid, they always need to double-check to make sure you did everything up to their standards.
They often even re-do it because they assume you either forgot something or that they can do it better.
You Feel Trapped
You feel like, even though you're not entirely happy in the relationship, you should stay because you wouldn't be able to go on without them. You feel like you couldn't do better or that no one else would love you.
The truth is, if they loved you right, you would feel free as a bird, strong, empowered, and you wouldn't constantly be having doubts about the relationship.
