The Stages Of A Toxic Relationship From Beginning To End
The difficult thing about a toxic relationship is that it never really starts that way; in fact, things normally start off really well. While not every toxic relationship pans out in the exact same way or order of steps, there's generally a progression that they follow.
These are the stages of a toxic relationship, from beginning to end.
You Meet Him
Perhaps he's a friend of a friend, some guy at a party, or you meet each other at the gym/coffee shop/wherever. After a bit of conversation, it's he makes his interest clear.
He Pursues You
Maybe you're just as interested as him, or maybe he's trying to convince you to give him a shot. He pulls out all the stops and goes hard on the romantic gestures to win you over.
The "Butterflies" Stage
At this point, everything is exciting and new. You're going on dates and getting to know each other. Seeing him is light, fun, and adventurous in a way that teases the lightest moods out of you. You actually get butterflies in your stomach with him.
The Honeymoon Stage
You're past the getting-to-know-you stage and you're officially together. You're in the cuddly, fun, "heart eyes emoji" part of the relationship where everything is sunshine and rainbows between the two of you.
He Seems Almost Surreal In How Great He Is
You gush to all your friends about how this guy almost seems too good to be true. He's everything you've ever wanted in a guy—sweet, funny, and just all-around a dream.
That One Thing You Brush Off
Somewhere along the way, he does something that kind of makes you feel off or leaves you uneasy, but you brush it off because, after all, he's been pretty great otherwise. You even convince yourself that you're being paranoid.
He Constantly Wants Your Time
He makes it clear that he wants to spend time with you, and sometimes that involves him playfully asking you to cancel plans with friends or family so you can be together instead.
You Start To Feel A Little Less Secure In Your Relationship
While everything was going well at the beginning, you start to get the feeling that he's not all that committed to you or that he might be losing interest in being with you.
You Find Yourself Trying Harder
You start putting a little more effort into your outfits and makeup or are extra considerate with gifts and gestures because you—likely subconsciously—feel the need to prove you're a good partner for him.
He's Critical Of Your Decisions
He doesn't like the haircut you get, doesn't approve of what you wear, thinks you have the wrong job, or doesn't like the new hobby you've taken up. Sometimes he tells you directly, and other times it's in little remarks.
Your Confidence Is In Free-Fall
You have always maintained pretty high self-esteem, and you rarely let other people's opinions affect how you feel about yourself, but lately, you find yourself feeling bad about yourself in some ways—the way you act, your personality traits, or your look.
He Hates Your Friends, So You Spend Less Time With Them
Your friends will be having a party or will invite you for a night out, but your boyfriend makes it clear that he doesn't particularly like hanging out with them and instead will suggest just staying in together or doing another activity. You don't want to force him to do something he doesn't want to, so you concede.
You Feel Like You're Always To Blame For Problems
He makes a habit of telling you when your actions ruin something for him. For example, if you aren't feeling up to a night out, he'll guilt you about ruining his night. Even when you bring up something that he's done wrong, he finds a way to make it your fault.
He Expects You To Be Grateful To Him
Of course, it's good to be grateful when a partner does something nice for you, but he constantly expects you to be thankful when he does simple things like merely listening to your problems or showing basic consideration. You know that, rationally, you shouldn't have to feel grateful for these things, but you don't confront him about it.
You Start To Feel Insane
You start to question if you're just being emotional or irrational and acting up for no clear reason. You really feel like you're losing your mind and can't tell if what you're feeling actually correlates with reality.
You Catch Yourself Making Excuses For His Behavior
You'll be telling a story to a friend, or he'll act a certain way in front of people you know, and, rather than demanding that he act better, you'll start finding ways to justify his actions—he's just had a hard week, he's really stressed about work, etc.
You Feel Like You Need Him
You find yourself feeling like you wouldn't be able to get by without him in your life. The idea of breaking up with him feels almost like it is impossible because you feel like you need him.
He Makes Threats/Ultimatums
He starts to make ultimatums or threaten you when you act in ways he doesn't like. For example, he says that he'll leave you if you continue to visit a certain friend too much.
You Finally Realize You Need To Leave
Whether you come to the conclusion yourself or your friends/family/therapist help you gain the confidence to do it, you realize that the relationship is not healthy you need to leave him behind.
He Tries To Paint You As The Bad Guy
To mutual friends, acquaintances, people in his life, and people you have never met, he will go out of his way to paint you as "crazy" or irrational, making it seem like you were the one hurting him the whole time.
You Learn How To Heal
There is no clear healing process, and everyone heals in different ways, but eventually, you're able to recognize all the toxic behaviors you endured and how many things that happened in your relationship were not okay. You slowly regain your confidence, overcome the emotional scars, and get back to being a version of yourself that you recognize and love.
